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I Used To Believe newsletter: January 2004

hi,

words are a problem this month - no-one's thought of a name for those little-big things but they have invented one for unfriendly porpoises! even worse, some people are only able communicate by singing.

happy new year,

mat.

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I wanted to grow up and become a marine biologist, which seemed to me the perfect combination of studying nature and shooting people.

Alex

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i used to think that since the movie screens in theatres were so big that there was a huge video player behind the screen and several people had to lift the gigantic tape into the player and then someone had to be shot out of a canon to hit the play button.

katie

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Because I kept getting told that Jesus loved me, I thought everybody meant real love, and that when I was old enough I was going to marry Jesus. For ages I felt so proud knowing that I was engaged to Jesus, and that when we were married I would be able to take my revenge on anyone who was mean to me!

Meg

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I went with my mum and dad to see my uncle's new office. We were the only ones there as it was evening and my mum told me this certain empty desk was where my uncle's secretary worked. For some reason I thought secretary meant a sinister, shiny dark red robot. That's how I saw it in my head. I kept nagging them to leave as I was terrified it would come in.

D

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I couldn't understand why no-one had invented a word for something that isn't big but at the same time isn't small so I used to express the concept with the word "little-big" or "big-little". It was a revelation to me when my mother asked me go to the shops for a medium sliced loaf (of bread) and I discovered that someone somewhere had actually solved the problem that was perplexing me at the time.

Lee, England

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When I was about six I was in a wedding. The other flower girl said she was from Pennsylvania, which scared me because I thought she was a Vampire. I kept trying to get a good look at her teeth to see if they really were long. I tried to be polite about it all, because I knew it wasn't her fault she was born a vampire!

Nicole

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When I was around 4 years old, my grandma told me I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. I was thrilled to discover this, and decided I was going to be an Eskimo. I didn't really understand the concept of a salary or paycheck, but I did know that jobs meant you would get money. I assumed I would get paid for building an igloo and wearing a parka, and it would be the greatest job ever.

lisa

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I was in my first grade classroom and this kid on my bus route vomited all over the floor. His vomit was brown...and so was his house. My vomit had always been beige...and so was my house. It was then that I concluded: everyone's vomit matched the color of their house. I believed this to be a fact up until the point I ate too many green cookies on St. Patrick's day. I puked green and the theory was officially debunked.

athena

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I used to think that the air guitar was a real instrument, like an air rifle is a real gun. I learnt the truth about a month ago, i am 14

Az

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When I was about 4 or 5 years old I used to think pretzels were made out of wood from trees...When my father did firewood I would pick up pieces and chew on them and complain how they needed salt.

Amberly

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I used to think that a mug shot was a picture of the criminal that was put onto police mugs which were then handed to cops all over the country so that they could recognise the bad guy.

claire

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When I was growing up, we would pass what I had assumed to be a playground for adults everyday on the way to my preschool. They looked like so much fun, and I couldn't wait until the day I was old enough to play on these upscale jungle gyms. It wasn't until I was about seven that my mother crushed my dreams by informing me that these were not playgrounds, but instead electrical substations.

Mackynzie

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When I was about 7 or 8, we had to look up lists of words for homework. One of my words was 'infiltrate' and the definition I found was 'To enter secretly with an unfriendly purpose.' Somehow I misread it as 'To enter secretly with an unfriendly porpoise' and I wondered why somebody had made a word for that, as it couldn't be that common.

unfriendly porpoise

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when i was younger i believed that if my mom stayed at a traffic light too long it would shoot laser beams at us so i always told my mom to hurry up i eventually ended up being grounded

anon

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I used to think that singers couldn't talk - they could only communicate by singing.

Anon

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i used to believe that a blow job was when you got paid to blow up balloons

blown away

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I called every body part my elbow. For example if my leg hurt I would say my elbow hurt.

Kady

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I used to think that James Bond and all the other secret agents worked for MFI.

John C

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when i was little i used to think that once you died and were put in your coffin that you would still be alive and have a TV and Mini bar and all that untill i went to a funeral and discovered otherwise

wee mel

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I thought that a fruit machine (gambling machine) was where you actually bought fruit and the money you won was the change.

Anon

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