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I Used To Believe newsletter: January 2006

Hi,

Happy 2006 and Year of the Dog! This month's beliefs are dominated by confusion about names: Tepid Skywalker, Orca royalty and that famous dysfunctional nuclear family: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie and Jessica. And just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water ...

Have fun,

Mat.

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I believed that if an electric socket was left switched on it would catch fire, unless you rubbed toothpaste into the wall around it.
Anon

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I wondered why my dad was trying to get a bachelor's degree when he was married to my mom. I thought they would have to get divorced when he graduated.
Donna

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I used to think that luke-warm water had something to do with Luke Skywalker.
Anon

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When I was little, I thought that "viewer discretion is advised" warnings before television programs meant that you weren't supposed to talk about what you saw.
Rin

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My brother told me that if you stared into the sun long enough you would get x-ray vision. I believed him and will probably go blind someday.
Liz

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When I was a kid I'd never heard of Wales, so I thought that Princess Diana was Princess of Whales. I always pictured her riding on an Orca.
Anon

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I used to be puzzled about TV weather reports that predicted "overcast" weather. I assumed this meant the weather had been forecast too much and thought they could reduce the problem by not repeating the reports.
Nicole

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A friend explained to me that birth involved cutting off the mommy's head, pulling the baby out through her neck then gluing her head back on. Did I mention my friend is an only child?
Anon

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At my nursery school there was a doll with male genitalia. As a three year old girl I had no idea what these were, and believed the doll had swallowed its tonsils.
Beth

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When my cousin was 5 or 6 he learnt that a long time ago, God created men to look like himself and also that men were monkeys. He put two and two together, and decided that God must be a monkey.
Anon

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I used to believe the line "guilty feet have got no rhythm" in George Michael's Careless Whisper meant you could find a criminal by making him dance: if he couldn't dance, he was guilty. I excitedly told my dad that I'd found a new way to solve crimes.
kei

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When the Sony Playstation first came out, I assumed it was a toy train. I couldn't understand why so many people wanted one.
Sally

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When I was a little boy I used to throw breadcrumbs into the bowl to feed the Toilet Ducks.
Linvidige

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I thought that "non-stop" flights meant the planes did not stop anywhere after they took off and you had to parachute to the ground to get off. I really didn't get why this was a such a great thing.
Anon

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I used to think that every time you broke something, you risked splitting an atom. My friend and I used to break sticks and throw them to try to get them to explode.
Mike

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I used to believe that you get your taxes done at the taxidermist.
Krissy

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I used to believe Jessica Simpson was a secret character from "The Simpsons".
Lemon Jelly

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I used to believe that doctors lived off medicine until I saw my own doctor at the grocery store buying chicken.
Anon

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Until I was seven or so I believed that I was the only person who could breathe through their nose. I only found out otherwise when I was caught cheating during the game where you hold your breath while driving through a tunnel.
nikki

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I used to think that the shark was called George not Jaws.
Phil

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