I Used To Believe newsletter: July 2013
Is it any wonder that kids are fussy eaters? Look at the horrible things they're told - usually by dads and brothers. Even more disturbing are the few who still heartily tuck in after they've been told their food contains insects/dead people/excrement. Hope you're not eating while you read this!
I used to believe that bed pans were called bread pans, and that nurses cooked the fried bread for breakfast in them. My mother asked the nurses if I was eating well and they told her that I ate everything except fried bread. She thought that was strange because I normally loved it, so she asked my why I wouldn't eat it. I told her I thought it was disgusting that they fried the bread in bread pans. She asked me what a bread pan was and I said - "you know, the thing you go to the toilet in". I expected her to be disgusted too and couldn't understand why she thought it was hilarious.
when I was little, I used to hear my mum trying on clothes in her bedroom 'och, this one's getting tight again, too many calories' she used to say. I thought calories were little creatures that lived in your wardrobe and sewed your clothes a little bit tighter every now and again.
I used to believe that if I didn't eat my dinner the "dinner police" would come for me. My dad used to go outside and pound on the front door until I ate my dinner.
My dad told me that fig newtons were made from dead flies, explaining that the crunchy bits were the legs. He called them 'fly leg cookies,' so that's what i thought they were called too. (That didn't stop me from eating them as i assumed flies were thus a perfectly acceptable ingredient.) My kindergarten teacher was not impressed when i enlightened my classmates at snack time.
When I was three a neighbor kid told me the plastic ladders on my firetruck was candy. I chewed on those ladders all summer trying to get the candy out.
i used to think that the highest number a football player had on his jersey was how many players were on the team; i was wondering why they needed to pay so many extra players when none of them substituted in. i looked for all the numbers in between!
When I was younger, my older brother told me that black eyed peas were dead people's eyes. I was completely disgusted as I watched my family eat them for dinner. This story affected me so much, that I couldn't bring myself to eat black eyed peas until I was in high school.
A Brown Eyed Girl
I used to think that it was illegal for the wife to be taller than the husband. When we visited my parents' friends, I was horrified to find that the wife was significantly taller than the husband. I remember looking out the back window as we were leaving and waving at them because I knew that they would get arrested soon.
After choking on some food, adults would always say "it went down the wrong tube", so I used to think that you had one tube for solid food and one tube for liquid and you had a coughing fit when they got mixed up. This proved problematic when eating soup.
When I was little my dad never used the blinker in the car when and it drove my mom crazy. When I asked him why he didn't use the blinker, he said that each car came with a pre-set number of "blinks" and he didn't want to run out. Years later, my mom and I were driving my dad's car and I told her to use as many "blinks" as she wanted because dad had been saving up... my mom finally set me straight.
I used to think that grapefruits contained grapes, and you got grapes by cutting the grapefruit open.
Watching Tom n Jerry Cartoons I believed that your limbs can grow back if lost in an accident. I even convinced a classmate of mine who lost her fingers in an accident that they will grow back soon and she had nothing to worry about.
When I was younger, ok, not that young, when I was a teenager, I went on the Eurostar from London to Paris and was disappointed to find that most of the journey took place in a dark tunnel. I was expecting portholes in the tunnel so you could see the water and the fish.....
Until I was about 23 I believed the Catholic prayer before dinner said, "Bless us our lord, for these thy GUESTS, for which we are about to receive..." Turns out its gifts. I was apparently a cannibal (not really).
My parents tried to explain to me what is a spark plug in a car. After that I believed it's a candle because it ignites the fuel. And that if you open a car's hood you may accidentally blow it. When we went on a trip and it was raining, the spark plug somehow stopped working when big truck splashed us with water. It was totally logical for me because i imagined little candle being doused with water. Believed it for soooo many years.
After watching Mary Poppins, my sister convinced my cousin and I that if we stood outside with umbrellas on a windy day, we could fly like Mary Poppins. Of course we believed her, and it was a windy day, so we grabbed our umbrellas and headed into the backyard. Nobody ended up flying. But our grandmother got a kick out of watching us.
When I was little my dad told me the filling inside of ravioli was cow poop. I was 5, now I'm 25 and though I learned it was a lie by 10 I still can't eat ravioli. My dad loved to lie to me about the strangest things.
when I was little, my mom told me that those big round water towers were filled with alligators. for years, i pictured their insides with a giant alligator habitat in the bottom, with balconies above, men in white lab coats taking notes on clipboards. I finally got her to tell me the truth when i was about 12...
There was a pretty serious drought when I was young, in the 80's and my mom and dad used to have to go get our water from the "Water Buffalo" which is a Bulk Potable Drinking Water company. I thought they had brought in actual water buffalo, the animal and people were getting water from them, like milk from cows. I thought this until I was in COLLEGE and got into an argument with my roommate about it because she didn't believe me, I called my mom to prove my point and was of course laughed at.
You know that saying long time no see. Well, I used to believe that it meant that some one has seen that other person so long ago, that the sea dried out - as in no sea.
I thought that some people were born with clothes on!