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I Used To Believe newsletter: March 2007

Hi,

Has there been something missing in your life? Apologies for the lack of newsletters for the last four months - we've been cycling around South East Asia since November. Hopefully the latest collection of childhood misconceptions will make up for it. This month we have tonsil trouble, ancient aviators and a side order of rabbit intestines.

Have fun,

Mat.

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I used to believe that "second hand smoke" came from smoking two cigarettes at the same time, one in each hand. If smoking was bad for you, second hand smoke was worse.
Bill

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I used to believe that a "No Loitering" sign was "No Littering", inexplicably spelled with a Brooklyn accent.
erin

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You know how adults sometimes spell out words that they don't want kids to understand? Whenever grown-ups did this around me I could usually figure out what they were spelling, so I just thought spelling words was a Thing adults did sometimes, and I would spell random words in an attempt to sound grown-up.
k.

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I used to think those guys in red tunics at the Tower of London fed bees, because they were called Bee-Feeders. Those bees would then, of course, make the honey for the queen's morning toast.
imethisguy

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My mother, a kindergarten teacher, asked a kid in class to explain his drawing: a nativity scene inside an airplane. He said it showed Mary and Joseph on The Flight to Egypt. And the guy in the cockpit was Pontius the Pilot.
Zachary

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The year I got my braces I was suddenly popular at school. I thought the braces had some magical power that made people start liking me. I was certain no one would like me after I had them taken off the next year.
Charles

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I used to believe that the orange and white barrels filled with sand on exit ramps were to cover up dead bodies and soak up the blood from the road after automobile accidents.
Anon

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I had a friend in secondary school who used to believe that Hitler's first name was "Heil!" I can still remember the look on my history teacher's face when she asked him who "Adolf" Hitler was.
Girl with strange friend

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When I was little, I misunderstood the word 'testicles' for 'tonsils'. So, after my sex ed class in grade four, I would stare in shock at anybody that claimed that they had their tonsils removed.
Ashamed

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When I was young my mom would wash my hair during bathtime and she would sing "I'm gonna wash that man right out of your hair". For years I was convinced I had a man living in my hair who would get washed away during bathtime, but kept coming back.
Angela

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I used to believe that to make icecream you had to feed a snowman whatever flavour you liked, murder it and scoop out its insides.
Coleen

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I was well into my early 20s before I had an epiphany and realised there is no such thing as a musical bus. My parents had instilled in me the belief that only adults could tell the difference between icecream vans and musical buses. I used to sprint into the house for confirmation, invariably disappointed as they cocked an ear to the distant chimes...
bemsy

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When I was 9 and in hospital to have my tonsils taken out, the doctor asked me if I had loose stools. I thought he said loose tools and wondered why my parents hadn't packed any screwdrivers for me.
Anon

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When I was little, I thought Abraham Lincoln had a tail. Every time you had to make a decision, you'd toss a penny and call "Heads or tails!" and on one side of the penny you see Lincoln's head. I assumed that the picture on the other side was his tail. By extension I assumed that all presidents had tails and it was some sort of prerequisite.
Ashley

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When I was little, I dug a hole in my backyard and found some shards of old broken dishware. I honestly believed that this is what people meant when they spoke of "digging a hole to china" and assumed I had done so.
Stacey

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When people used the term "in the 40s, 50s, 60s etc." to describe the temperature outside, I thought it meant that was the decade people were acting like. Like if you said it's supposed to be in the 70s today, I thought there'd be men with afros and women rollerskating outside! I finally figured it out after watching the weather channel one day.
Shayla

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I used to believe that Poodles were a cross between a sheep and a dog. I believed that until I was 18 and I started vet school! Bit embarrassing.
Amy

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When I was little, I had a bunny whose name was bun-bun. I once left a salad next to him and when I came back, it was gone. My mother told me that the salad was inside of him. Thus, I believed, until I was in third grade, that salad was evil because you had to cut open bunnies to get it.
Michelle Specia

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I used to believe that the winners of big sporting events like the World Series or Superbowl were actually "World Champions" and were somehow bestowed some type of high level political power like a seat at the United Nations or something like that. They worked in conjunction with winners of other events like Miss Universe to make sure the world was in order.
Sammy

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My niece walked into my father's "hunting room" with animal heads on the wall. She was concerned as to what happened so we told her they all went to heaven. She responded with "just their butts?"
Amy

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