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I Used To Believe newsletter: May 2006

Hi,

This month's beliefs could be the perfect recipe for a dinner party disaster: disappointing starters and controversial cereal box politics. Just don't ask where the jam or BBQ meat comes from!

Have fun,

Mat.

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When I was little I used to believe you just put a piece of wood on the BBQ and it'd turn into either a sausage or meat. You didn't get to choose which one.
Jess

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For my grandpa's funeral, the funeral director asked my grandma if she wanted Baby’s Breath for the coffin. I thought this was some type of air supply that would allow him to take very small breaths, and part of me feared that we were burying him alive.
Anon

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My 5 year old sister became terribly excited while we were out shopping, shouting "a man shaving a window!" I think she made the window cleaner's day.
Victoria J

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Thanks to my sister's misunderstanding of a particular nursery rhyme, our family word for female private parts was tuffet.
Anon

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When I was little my dad told me that he was an accountant: he worked with numbers. Naturally, I thought he was like the Count on Sesame Street. I couldn't understand why he never wore a cape to work.
Caroline

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I used to believe I would one day marry my cat. I was completely serious about it, and even started designing little cat veils.
Lizzie

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I used to believe 'three bean salad' was an extremely small entree.
queeneve

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When I was 7 I went up Blackpool Tower and asked what would happen if you threw yourself off the top. My dad said you would end up on the street below as jam. For years I thought you actually turned into jam on the way down.
Katie Watie

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That hamsters are, genetically speaking, miniature bears.
charlotte

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I used to think that there was a man under the back seat in my mom's car who played all the music we heard on the radio. I always felt bad because he couldn't get out, so I stuffed my McDonald's french fries into the cracks of the seat.
Rachael

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I used to believe that men with ponytails were both male and female.
Anon

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When I was a kid I thought that fire alarms were loud so that the people at the fire station could hear them.
Razorness

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The entrance to the block I lived in was directly below our balcony. I used to believe that spitting on people walking in was a victimless crime, and that if I did manage to hit them, they would be really impressed with my aim.
Thomas, Sydney, Australia, Earth

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I always laughed at "no loitering" signs outside convenience stores and gas stations: I thought the people who made the sign had spelled littering wrong.
Kelly

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When I was 5 my step-mother had a baby and I was told that I had a half-sister. I thought they meant half girl and half boy.
Anon

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I use to believe that people who wore tuxedos were actually wearing the skins of penguins.
Keith

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I thought the whole of Ireland was Northern Ireland, and that therefore Southern Ireland was a completely different island - namely Madagascar.
Scott Daly

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When I was little I thought that being left handed meant that you didn't have a right hand. I found out the truth on the first day of first grade, when I told the teacher and class that I could not do the Pledge of Allegiance since I did not have a right hand.
Patti

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I thought that part of the reason Quebec wanted to secede from the rest of Canada was that English was printed above French on cereal boxes. I thought that they should have a better reason for making such a fuss.
Torontonian

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My little sister used to believe that a mullet was the hair transplant operation that balding men got.
Sarah's Sister

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