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I Used To Believe newsletter: May 2008

Hi,

It's enough to make you never leave the house! What with missile attacks, church spit-roasts and rabid squirrels in this month's beliefs, it's a wonder so many people make it to adulthood.

For more great beliefs visit www.iusedtobelieve.com or get the book of the site, Butter Comes From Butterflies, available from Amazon and all good booksellers!

Have fun,

Mat.

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My little sister used to believe that a person's urine always came out their favorite color. We only discovered this when my mother asked who didn't flush the toilet and my sister ran in, took a look and declared that it was her because it was her color.
Anon

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When I was younger I asked my mom why you had to go slow past a school and she told me it was in case a kid ran out in front of the car you would be able to stop quick enough to get out and spank them. I was VERY careful not get off the sidewalk when I was at school for a long time after that!
Kai

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I thought that the pimiento inside a cocktail olive actually grew there naturally, like a pit or a seed. I didn't know that it was a piece of a pepper that was stuffed in there in a factory. I knew that it was possible to buy olives with no pimentos, but I figured the pimientos had just been removed because some people like them and others don't. My favourite olives today are the ones that grow with a clove of garlic in the middle. ;)
Brenda

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I used to believe that if you rubbed your hands together, got them really hot and pointed at a traffic light, it would turn green.
katrina

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I used to believe that rubber gloves were made when some guy stuck his hand into a giant vat of melted rubber/wax. I was surprised anyone would be dumb enough to want to make condoms.
Hayabusa

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As children, whenever my brothers or I received money as a gift we took great pleasure in bringing it to the bank to deposit it in our savings accounts. We were told that we were saving the money so that we could go to college. I truly believed that "College" was some sort of theme park and I remember wondering WHEN we were going to take this trip to college. I was crushed when I learned what it really was!!
college bound!

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I used to believe (until I was 12!) that when I went to the dentist, the sound that the drill made was the cavities screaming because they were being destroyed.
dentistgirl

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I used to want to be a police officer because I thought you got superpowers. For example, I thought they had some sort of superpower that made people get on the ground when they yelled,"GET ON THE GROUND!" and robbers could somehow resist this with magic.
Bijan

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I used to think that the vacuum cleaner performed the same function as the lawnmower. They both made lots of noise, and something happened underneath where I couldn't see, and both were used weekly on surfaces I thought of as 'the ground'. I noticed that the carpet never seemed to really need a trim though, and I figured it just needed to be watered more often... Yes, I tried to water it, regularly, until I got caught and it was explained to me that carpet was not alive.
Jenny

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When I was a kid, (being Catholic) I used to believe you prayed to the Virgin Mary because Jesus was busy doing other things like cleaning his room or doing the dishes, and I had to ask his mom if he could talk to me.
ConfusedChristian

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When I was small, our big white male Pomeranian, Moosey, used to howl constantly when there were female dogs in heat in the neighborhood. Mom took him to the vet one day and when he came back he didn't howl any more. She told me that he'd had his voice taken out. I believed this until I was 13, despite the fact that he could still bark.
Krys

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I used to ask how shoes became untied and my parents explained that it was ants who untied them while I was walking. After that I would check my shoes for ants on the laces but I could never find them. I just thought they were very sneaky.
James

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At my school, the office lady would get on the intercom at the end of school and say "Prepare for dismissal now. Bus riders go first." For my ENTIRE year of kindergarten I thought she was saying "Prepare for this missile." and I remember thinking, "Oh no! What missile??" and BEGGING my mom to let me take the bus so I could escape first. I thought the school just favored the people who took the bus and let them get out first in case of a missile attack.
Kat

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I used to believe that reindeer were made up, like Santa. As a cynical kid, I thought it was all part of the made-up Christmas package. Dragons: now there was an animal I could believe in. I didn't find out they were real until Xmas 2007. I'm 19.
Lisa

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Although I should have known better, and initially had doubts, my older sister had me absolutely convinced that fleas came from dandelions: that they hatched out sometime when they turned from yellow petals to downy fluff. Because of this, I hated dandelions.
Anon

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I grew up in Toronto, one of the few places where almost all the squirrels in the city are black. There were so few grey squirrels that kids used to say that grey squirrels had rabies and if there was one on the playground, we'd all run inside screaming. Then I moved to New York. All of the squirrels were grey. It was the scariest place I'd ever been to.
ZoŽ

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When I was little my brothers told me that if you opened all the doors of a car at once then it would fly away. I didn't really like the sound of that one.
Kelsea

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When I was roughly four I used to hear swear words and repeat them. In order to stop me embarrassing her in public places my mother told me the word 'bungalow' was a swear word. I believed this until I was eleven and got very confused when people talked about one-storey houses.
Anon

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When I was about 8, I remember seeing a sign that said "Brat Roast this weekend" at a church. I thought they'd be roasting disobedient children. It didn't occur to me that "brat" was short for Bratwurst.
Sizzlin' brat

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I used to think my family was really a family of bears from another planet who wore people disguises to fool me. I swore that I had to take naps during the day so they could have their secret bear meetings and take off their suits for a while. The low muffled voices through my closed bedroom door was my 'proof'.
Anon

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