I Used To Believe newsletter: October 2011
We're considering death this month, but it's not all doom and gloom. It's an easily preventable condition if you have life insurance and if not, make sure you request a wake in your will. When kittens are advertised for sale, shouldn't the advert say how many previous owners?
I used to think the phrase "Cats have nine lives", meant they reincarnate nine times. So some things involving the phrase confused me.
I used to believe that a wake was something you go to to try to bring the dead person back to life.
I used to believe that the handicap symbol was a person sitting on a toilet, and the reason these parking spaces were near the entrance of a building was because that person really had to pee.
I believed as a child that the highway was a big race. I always liked when my dad passed people, thinking we would be that much closer to being first!
I used to believe that people who spoke in different languages also laughed in different languages, I'm not really sure why.
When I was a child I would move a lot while I was sleeping. Because of this my hair was always horribly tangled in the mornings. When my mom was brushing the knots out she would say "Ashley, rats have been sleeping in your hair at night! Your hair is just a rat's nest." I thought she was serious and had trouble sleeping for months thinking that rats would get in my hair as soon as I fell asleep. And I believed this until I was 7.
I used to argue with my mom about bedtime because kids my age were on the TV, so obviously THEY were allowed to stay up late. It never dawned on me that the shows were not live, but rather, were recorded.
When I was little, my dad told me the reason I got freckles is because he lifted me up against a screen when a cow farted then he would sit me out in the sun to dry. I believed him for years
When my brother was about 4 he had a horrible nose bleed in the middle of a long road trip, which of course occurred when we were out in the middle of nowhere with no napkins or towels in the car. So my mom handed him a tampon and told him to put it up his nose. I think he still thinks that that is the proper use for tampons...
As a child, I thought that the sky sometimes got dirty and needed cleaning. (Incidentally, that was before I'd ever heard of air pollution.) I thought it because I'd heard of skyscrapers, and I envisioned that a skyscraper was a very long-handled blade for scraping the sky clean.
My sister used to believe that bell peppers grew 'stuffed' with a rice/meat mixture, since when we saw them they were served baked and stuffed that way. When my Mother grew her own bell peppers, my sister came in with one she had picked and opened, and asked, "Mom, where's the stuffing that's supposed to be inside?"
I thought the word debut was actually "day view" since it was the first time the thing saw the light of day. Even when I did read the word for the first time I thought it was pronounced "debbut" till someone corrected me.
When I first learned it was rude to stick up your middle finger at someone I thought it applied even if you are counting with you fingers so for a long time I wouldn't count on my fingers in public for fear someone might think I was giving them the finger!
Eldreth The Old
I use to believe that all the homes were taken by the road side because everywhere we moved it was a house down a long path.
When I was 4 I had the misconception that hair grew in water, which is why when I cut all my hair off and my mother wailed for my extraordinary explanation, I cheerfully replied, "don't worry mommy. It will grow back when I take a bath."
I thought when people said something was adjacent to something they were actually saying "a Jason to" and I always wondered why (I knew what the phrase meant just couldn't understand why it was called that).
When I was little, my older brother and I used to cut weeds with sticks all the time and this white juice would ooze from the broken stems. One day I cut myself outside playing, and he told me that weed juice would make it heal faster and take the pain away. The placebo worked and I believed this until I was 11. Before then, I managed to pass the 'secret' on to my friends, who believed it and told their friends, and so on. Who knows where this is now...
When I was a child, I believed that I could not die if I had a life insurrance.
I was led to believe by my parents that I would only grow while I was sleeping before midnight. Thus, the earlier I went to bed the bigger I would grow.
When I was about 6 I overheard my mother saying, 'wow, Judy chose a really nice boyfriend.' When I heard the word 'chose' I imagined a line of really handsome muscular men all waiting for me to choose one of them to be my boyfriend. I was so disappointed when I realized dating wasn't like I imagined.