I Used To Believe newsletter: October 2013
We'd love to see election campaigns for the beliefs of our young aspirant presidents and rulers. Instead of run-of-the-mill healthcare /education /taxes issues, a pledge for a horse in every home would get our vote.
I used to believe that we only wore knickers/underpants in case someone pulled down our trousers! I'm quite amused by this former belief of mine and I still laugh about it!
When I was a kid, I thought that those wooden 'honey ladles' were actually complex devices made out of honey and honeycomb themselves, instead of just being unique wooden utensils.
I used to think that when someone was "under arrest" it meant that when they went to jail they would get the bottom bunk so they would have to sleep "under a rest"-ing prisoner.
I used to believe that anonymous was a person, and I thought, "Gee, this person writes a LOT of poems!"
When I was a kid I watched this vacuum commercial where there was a tornado, and this lady got her vacuum cleaner and sucked up the tornado. So when I was little I used to ask my parents "Why don't they just suck the tornado up with a vacuum cleaner?"
I used to believe that when we turned off the PS1 the characters of the video games would hang out at a bar, and talk about how bad or good we were at the game.
I used to believe that all sharks were machines. The reason for this is because I had misunderstood my father when he said that the sharks (on Jaws) were machines and I thought that he were saying that ALL sharks in real life are machines as well! So, basically, I thought that sharks were some form of living machines swimming round the oceans lol!
When I asked my dad why my grandpa divorced my grandma and married another woman, he told me that my grandpa realized that he had married the wrong person. I understood that too literally. For a very long time, I thought my grandpa mistook my grandma for another woman whom he had met before her.
When I was little I wanted to be president. I thought a president has power to do whatever he or she wanted because I didn't know about the constitution or three branches of government. So I was determined to become president and make it a law that everyone had to have a horse.
When I was 4 my mom told me that Mickey Mouse lived at the top of the water tower in our city. So every time we'd pass by it I yelled "I think I see Mickey Mouse!" and I literally imagined Mickey Mouse was up there waiting to be found by me.
Whenever we drove by the flashing red light from an antenna my dad said it was taking a picture. He always told me to smile. I use to smile for years until I figured it out. Still whenever I think about it when I see one I laugh and still smile.
I used to believe that the way TV show's ratings were obtained, was that 2 guys with clipboards would go to everyone's house like the census but instead of knocking on your door they would just peer into your living room window and write down what they saw was on your tv.
When I was little I had a baby gate set up on my bed so I wouldn't fall off. One night I asked my sister what it was for, and she said it was a fence so monsters couldn't get to me, and I believed her. Later in my life (while I was still quiet young) my mom was in my room, said, "Oh, we don't need this anymore" and started to take it off. Then I started screaming and crying for her to leave it on, so she did, but was confused. I never let her take it off. I'm pretty sure if we hadn't moved, it'd still be there.
When I was three my dog died. Every time I asked my parents where he was, they would say he was in heaven but I'd keep asking, "But where *is* he?" Eventually my mum thought I was asking where his body was, and she told me he was under the lemon tree. I replied, "So that's where heaven is."
When I was 4 I used to believe that is you wished hard enough you could get anything you wanted because you believed. I was very disappointed when I woke up because I didn't have a new barbie or dress. I kept trying though just in case I didn't believe hard enough.
I thought that there were little ant people in my stomach who lived a in a little hut and lived in family units. They dressed like peasants. Their job was to take the food I ate for themselves and make poop to push outside my body. When my cousin told me that if I ate seeds the fruit would grow inside of me, I purposely started eating watermelon seeds to reward the ant people for their hard work.
Once my brother said me, the poppy seed in fact is ant. I have not eaten poppy seed for many years.
I used to think that teachers weren't allowed to use the bathroom during the day and that feminine pads were just teacher diapers.
I used to call the rays of light from the sun "sun BEANS". That's what it sounded like to me.