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I Used To Believe newsletter: September 2007

Hi,

This month it's restaurants which are causing confusing, particularly those offering all-you-can-eat meals and collecting tips. Just how appropriate is it to ask to be excused from the table?

For more great beliefs visit www.iusedtobelieve.com or get the book of the site, Butter Comes From Butterflies, available from Amazon and all good booksellers!

Have fun,

Mat.

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I used to believe that butterflies were born when a fly mated with butter.
Ryan

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When I was a schoolgirl, the teacher always would ask if someone needed "to be excused" as a way of asking if anyone needed to go to the bathroom. I got used to the phrase as meaning that. Then one day I caused quite a laugh on the playground when the teacher saw I was having some sort of difficulty and asked what was wrong. I replied, "I stepped in a place where a dog got excused."
Kimberly

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I used to believe that when you were crying, it was your eyes melting.
Anon

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I used to think that in restaurants 'giving a tip' to the waiter meant suggesting how they could cook their food better, like "here's a tip - add more salt to the sauce next time".
Amy

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When I was little my mother told me that if I stayed in the tub too long I would turn into a prune, and I believed her entirely, I thought that the purplish wrinkled skin would continue to progress and that I would spend the rest of my life in the pantry. This also made me think that eating prunes was cannibalism, which I knew about from my grandfather's tall tales.
Katie

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I used to think a sex crime was when you didn't have sex correctly!
oh so innocent!

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When I was a toddler my Dad was trying to explain to me what evolution was. He told me "We used to all be monkeys". I couldn't imagine how I didn't remember that part of my life!
Lozzy

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When I was little, my mother use to tell me that kidney beans came from hamsters. That was why there were so many hamsters - they were being bred so we could harvest their kidneys. I still cannot get myself to eat kidney beans.
Christina R.

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When I was little I used to believe that if you swallowed a whole (soap) bubble you could float. Needless to say it never worked for me - the bubbles always burst before I could swallow them ;)
Nina

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As a child, I was really confused about restaurants that advertised "All you can eat". It is, after all, an ambiguous phrase. It made me think that there must be SOME restaurants where a group of people might go, only to be told for some mysterious reason "Only some of you can eat here.", or "Not all of you can eat here." But those that advertised "All you can eat" must be telling you that they weren't that kind of restaurant, saying that "All you can eat here (not just some of you)".
Cindy

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I thought that the difference between girls and boys was that girls have teeth.
Anon

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When I was really little, probably about 4 or 5 years old, I knew what gravity did, but I used to think that the source of gravity was someone named Mr. Gravity who lived under my parents' bed! My parents never corrected me, probably because they thought it was "cute" or something. I even thought that under this same bed was a planet of its own.
~Dom~

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I used to believe that when somebody did something really well, they were rewarded by getting to break a record (LP). It was both fun and forbidden, so who wouldn't do something tremendous in order to break a record?
mark

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I used to think that "The King and I" was a musical based around the life of Priscilla Presley.
erin

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I used to believe that "help wanted" signs meant that someone had robbed the store recently and they needed help trying to catch the thief.
gdc

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When I was little, my dad would take me fishing. He would always tell me to put my hand over my mouth when I talked because the fish could read lips and understand everything that we said. After that I was always very careful about what I said while we fished and kept my hand over my mouth at all times.
Kathleen

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My brother convinced me that in a football match consisting of two legs: players in the first leg had to use their left leg only, and then in the second leg use their right.
Anon

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I used to believe that a new sun crossed the sky every day and set down into a pile of old suns just over the big hill to the west. They were left to cool off and then sliced up to make margarine.
Bikernerd

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I used to think that astronauts were astrosnorts, which were pigs that flew in space!
Fahmeda

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I used to believe that chopsticks were used by people couldn't see properly, and that the chopsticks were antennae that would sense the food and allow the person to find and eat it.
Sana

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