I Used To Believe newsletter: September 2013
Most people expect to feel better after a night's sleep but that's not the case for some of our beliefs this month. They run the risk of being attacked by toys, wild animals or their head falling off. Exhausting!
I used to love browsing though a picture book about ancient history when I was a kid. The section on Ancient Egypt had several illustrations of men in Anubis masks performing burial rituals, but I didn't know they were just wearing masks. I though that some people in Ancient Egypt really had dogs' heads!
When I was 7 I had these weird grey spots popping up all over me and when i asked my mum she said "they're just moles" and until I was 12 I thought there were actual moles living inside of me so I slept by a pile of food in case they got hungry.
I asked my sister why ninjas wore so much black. She told me it was so they would blend in more at night. I then figured that if they were doing ninja stuff during the day, then they must wear ninja suits that come in white. I wasn't sure how effectively that would work, but that's what I thought.
When I was around 3 or 4, I used to believe that it was bad to sit on the toilet for too long because I thought that burglars were able to get into the house through the sewer system and up into the toilet! I was scared that the longer I sat on the toilet, the more likely it was for a burglar to come up the toilet as I was sitting there and steal me!
When I was very young, my older sister told me that you had to sleep on the same pillow every night or your head would fall off. She even said that once, her pillow accidentally got switched with another pillow, and she had to get surgery to reattach her head!
When I was little there would be a recording on the telephone if you held it to your ear without dialing, saying "please hang up and try your call again..." etc. I used to think that was a real woman but she wasn't allowed to say anything else. So I would often hold our house phone to my ear until she would "answer", then I would joke around, yell things at her and make weird noises, trying to make her mess up her lines or get angry at me.
When I was very young, I liked to sleep with all of my toys. One night I wanted to sleep with my Barbie doll, but my older sister told me I couldn't because Barbie would come to life while I was sleeping and poke my eyes out with her pointy hands From then on, I wouldn't go to sleep when a Barbie doll was in the same room as me, let alone the same bed!
I used to believe that when you 'went on a diet' you registered it with the government, and if you broke your diet you would be arrested.
I believed that if an item on the shelf didn't have a price tag, it was actually free, due to the carelessness of the employees. I couldn't understand why my mom didn't want all the free stuff I found on the shelves.
When i was about 4, i had heard about inches and knew they measured how tall you were, but i hadn't heard anything about feet, other than the ones i walked on, of course. One day, an old friend of my mom visited. She hadn't seen me for a while and said "wow, your growing up. You've grown another foot since i saw you last!" I began to panic and desperately looked at my feet. Then i looked at my mom's friend and angrily accused "you're lying, i still have 2!"
When i was younger i used believe that seat belts in the car were for to protect you from flying out the window. If you took them off and the window was open, you would fly out. I believed this until i was 9
When I was small, my mother would close my bedroom window to "keep out the draft". I thought she was saying "keep out the giraffe", and since we lived in an apartment block I imagined a giraffe trying to peer in through my window each night, which unnerved me greatly.
When I was in second grade (8 years old), I was standing in line with the other kids to have the teacher check my work, and two boys and I started a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest. I filled my lungs with air, and held my breath for the rest of the time I was in line. The thing that amazed me was that I didn't even feel the need for air while holding my breath, I was just as comfortable as I had been while breathing. Needless to say, I thought I was really good at holding my breath, and wondered why no one else noticed how long I was doing that. It wasn't until a couple of years later that I realized I had been breathing through my nose.
When I was 6 I used to think that Cream of Mushroom Soup was actually called "Queen of Mushrooms" Soup. When we were grocery shopping one day I warned my parents not to buy it because if they made too much of the soup the Queen of Mushrooms to lose her mushroom forest. My mom took a can off the shelf and told me to read the label. I felt so silly!
I used to believe that "rotating your tires" actually meant that they just rotated the tires on the axle and put them back. I don't know why that made sense to me, but it did. I'm embarrassed to admit that I found out this was wrong in my mid 20's. My significant other and my mom still laugh at me for this.
After watching many films I believed I was a princess and my family was my guardians. I thought they were waiting till I turned 16 till they told me the truth. I grew out of it eventually but I never told anyone for fear that the person they were hiding me from would find out.
For some reason, even into my teens, I was petrified that when the lights went out in my room the floor was covered with alligators. I became an expert at jumping from the door-frame to the bed. Some nights I would get in bed and then call for my parents or sister to turn off the light for me. My husband teases me - asking if he needs to turn on the light for the alligators - if I get out of bed in the middle of the night.
I used to believe that if you were having a baby and wanted it to have curly hair you would simply just get a perm while being pregnant.
When I was little, I thought a tornado was a "torn 'mato" and imagined a giant killer tomato with torn garments flying behind it like streamers as it raged through town.
I used to think when I cut off my doll's hair, it would grow back. I'm still waiting, for I learned the hard way.