people

I used to believe…

Ok, my brother had glasses since he was four years old. Without them, he was nearly blind. His glasses had plastic lenses that were always getting scratched up when he crashed into stuff. My parents always told us to be nice to him because he had so many problems.

One day, my dad told me to never to hit someone who was wearing glasses. This piece of wisdom made sense to me because my little brother had enough problems as it was; he didn't need someone beating the hell out of him on top of his already significant issues. I mean, you wouldn't go around kicking the tar out of people in wheelchairs would you?

I always assumed that the lenses in glasses were made of plastic. I worked in the navy as a guy that ordered glasses for my squadron, all of those lenses were plastic so I assumed that ALL lenses were plastic.

Years later, my wife had purchased glasses with actual glass lenses in them. Right after she got them, she ran into a wall and almost broke her glasses.

I remember saying, "Wow, that could have been dangerous. If the lenses actually broke, you could have gotten the broken glass in your EYES!"

Two realizations hit me at once...

1. You don't hit people that wear glasses because the glass shards might get in their eyes. Duh.

2. They are called "glass"es for a REASON!

I was 27 years old at the time.

I told my son that when he lied, something changed in his eyes and that's how I could tell when he wasnt telling the truth. My son later went to the bathroom mirror and looked deeply into his own eyes while telling himself lies to see what it was that changed in his eyes.

i used to think that all people who wear glasses were left handed, because my mom wears glasses and is a lefty and my sister is ambidextrous and wears glasses. there were the only two people i knew with glasses and were leftys so i just assumed that everyone else was the same. but then in first grade my friend sitting next to me was writing with her right hand and i said to her but you have glasses you cant be right handed and the teacher heard me say it and said so what? anyone can wear glasses.

I used to believe…

When I was very very young,obviously before I had ever been to the beach or anything,I thought that only the parts you could see on black people were black--the rest,white. What a dumb little kid!

I used to believe that the clown from poltergist was really under my bed and used to call my mom to come get me outta bed in the mornings! I wouldn't even get up to pee in the middle of the night causing me to pee the bed! I STILL HATE CLOWNS!

I used to believe…

When I was in 2nd grade we moved to a new neighborhood with a lot of Mexican familie. I was playing with some kids and was just about to ask one boy what his name was when another kid yelled, "Hey, Zeuss!" and the boy I was talking to turned to the kid who yelled. I thought, "Zeuss- what a cool name!" and proceded to call him Zeuss for about a year. Then one day i was showing off my new markers writing everyone's names in rainbow colors. I asked my friend Zeuss how to spell his name. "J-E..." is how he started. I thought it was weird that Zeuss started with a J but I kept writing. "S-U-S" was the rest. When I was done and looked at what I wrote I realized- "Jesus" not "Hey, Zeuss". It didn't help that some of his family members called him 'Sus for short.

I also thought his baby brother was Chinese because his name was Meeho. I heard his mother say things like "It's okay, Meeho. Don't cry". Not until my second year of high school Spanish did I find out that "mijo" is short for "mi hijo" which means "my son" and is a common term of endearment.

I used to believe…

My Grandpa told me ALL KINDS OF STUFF when I was little. Here are a few:

1. He built the bridges at the park by the museum.
2. He owned the electric company.
3. He put the UHaul on top of the skyscraper in downtown Tulsa...by himself.

I was gullible...I believed all of these and everything else he said. I even went to school and told the teachers and students.

I used to believe that one of my classmates was always sleeping, I remember we were playing or colouring and he would fall asleep. When I told that to my mother she had to explain that he wasn't sleeping, he was chinese

I used to think that zits, glasses, braces, and Catholic school uniforms were the coolest things ever invented and they showed that you were really a smart person.

I used to believe that Oliver Stone and Oliver North were the same person. I was very confused about how a liberal filmmaker could be involved in a political scandal with President Reagan.

I used to think that a little man made shoes.

I used to believe…

When I was about six or seven, my biggest fear was being kidnapped.
Once, while staying at my grandmother's, my great grandmother (who lived there) was sitting across the table from me while I ate my toast in the morning.
My grandmother makes the most AMAZING bread, but I was too young to appreciate it. I left the delicious thick crust on my plate and jumped up to leave.
My great grandmother looked at me and said "If you don't eat your crust, the crust man will come take you away until you're a teenager"
She then told me that when she was a little girl and wouldn't eat HER crust, the crust man (who was also an electrician) came in and almost took her away but she was a good girl and finished it before he could wisk her away.
I was absolutely terrified, and I ate my crust every morning from that day on.

I used to believe…

When I was a young girl, I was curious why/how my mother had so many freckles. She told me when she was little she swallowed a jar full of pennies, and that's why she has so many freckles. I believed it for years, and freaked out when my own freckles began appearing.

I used to believe…

My mom didn't want me to watch ninja turtles (who I LOVED) and the G-ma didnt like me getting into her stuff. So they convinced me the ninja turtles sold them this special cream called Brittany disappearing cream that they would threaten me with whenever I was being bad. Not only did I get very angry at my favorite heroes, but I actually believed I would just vanish off the face of the planet if I ever did anything wrong.

I used to believe…

Here in the U.S, people often refer to the federal government as "Uncle Sam." I have an actual uncle named Sam, so when people would mention Uncle Sam I thought they were talking about him! He seemed to be a very popular guy to talk about.

I used to believe…

My mom worked nights when I was little and would then sleep most of the day when my dad was a work. To keep me from running around and playing outside while she was asleep my mom told me the garbage men kidnapped little kids they found outside and would take them away to sort garbage or something. I was afraid of the garbage man until I was too old to still believe such a thing! It didn't stop me from going outside though -I would just hide behind the house when they came.