religion

I used to believe…

when i was little i used to think my pastor was some superholy like servant of God, which i guess they are in a way, a servant of God that is. but i though they were like all powerful like God, and lived at the church, and i was kinda scared of them until my family went to his house one time and i realized they're just normal people like the rest of us

I used to believe…

At Catholic grade school in Chicago we used school time to prepare for our First Holy Communion. During this time, my best friend was sitting out on most of the activities, like confession, etc. When asked, she replied she was "Greek Orthodox". I knew she was Greek but had no idea a country could have their own religion. Why wasn't my family "Irish Orthodox"? Then a revelation...my family was actually Italian but didn't know it. We were "Roman Catholic" after all.

I used to think that God was this little midget like thing that lived inside your stomach and told you what to do. I refered to him as my little friend and i swear he used to tell me to color and play on the swings.

I used to believe…

One of my younger brothers thought that if you said the word *devil* you would go straight to hell, so of course me being a contradictory kind of big sister, and for the sheer pleasure of annoying him, I would say devil repeatedly in his face till he would start to cry. Funnily enough he never said anything about the word *demon*, maybe because the Demons were his favourite aussie rules footy team...?

I used to believe…

The Priest in my Catholic school had a big white phone on his desk. I asked him once in confession why I had to tell him my sins and I could not just tell God myself, I was about 8 years old - I asked, "is it because you talk to God, on the big white phone?" He laughed and answered, "Something like that, yes." So after that I made the sign of the cross in front of the big white phone whenever I passed his office. I beleived this for quite some time until I saw my mother, who was the secretary at the church, talking on THE PHONE one day and nearly had a heart attack. I thought it must be bad if God asked to talk to my mom. "What did he say, was it about me, cause I stole that chocolate from the store?" My mother, of coarse has never stopped teasing me about this. I still feel a little nostalgic when I see a big white phone. I always want to pick it up, just to see if by chance God's on the line. :)

I used to believe…

When I was quite young, I was looking out of the car window while we were driving past a cemetary. I noticed that there was a tombstone with a picture of Jesus on it, and, although I don't think I mentioned it to anyone else at the time, I was positive that it was Jesus' grave. So the years passed, and I was in first grade. I don't know how it started, but some other kid and myself got into a discussion about Jesus. I, of course, was very proud to announce that I had seen where Jesus was buried, and all of a sudden the kid started yelling at me, "Jesus isn't dead! He's alive!" And I told him that he was stupid because the tombstone I saw had Jesus' face on it, so of course it was his! Needless to say, after a few minutes of angry words, the teacher came between us and said that everyone believes in different things and that neither one of us was right or wrong. Boy, that really pissed me off.

I used to think that if you tied a note to a balloon then the balloon would take it all the way to heaven and God could read it. I didn't know wat to write to God so i just tied a flower to a balloon and sent it up there

I used to believe…

I used to believe that everyone on earth was God's Barbies�, and he controlled what we did. I blame my sister for this for explaining to me what a 'user' meant when I was listening to one of her songs.

I used to believe that the Lord's prayer included the line 'Harold be your name' - in fact that's how everyone in my infant school used to say it in assembly, so I know this belief is common to at least a few hundred other people.

I used to believe…

When I was a child, i used to believe, for possibly over two or three years, and with certainty, that God was no other than the Michelin Man.

I believed it that i never questioned it or bothered to ask anyone, it just seemed so commonsense.

I never knew he was made of tyres, i thought he was white and shaped like he was 'cos he was made from clouds, and i knew they used to say God was high above.

I watched him the TV and imagined playing soccer with him.

I used to believe…

When I was young I thought when you die if you go to heaven a magical escalator appears that you ride up to heaven and that if you go to hell, you go down a shaft down to fiery hell

I used to believe…

My younger brother, now 12, always thought that the Christmas carol went, "The first noll, the first noll..." Nevermind that it has no meaning, he believes it to this day...

I used to believe…

God was a smiling fat man with glasses and a white lab coat, whose favourite food was oranges. Why oranges? They were shaped like the Earth, of course. I also believed that if I were even better behaved than an angel, I could become a God too and marry Jesus. As a deity-in-training, needless to say, I ate a lot of oranges back then.

I used to believe…

Actually - I had this belief up until I was 20...

You know those bumper stickers that say "My boss is a Jewish Carpenter"? Well, I could never figure out why there were so many carpenters in the world, but why it took so long to build things. I also couldn't figure out why they just didn't say, "I'm a carpenter". I also had thoughts of "Big deal! My boss is a sadistic workaholic!"

Boy I felt like an idiot when I figured it out!

I used to believe…

When my mother was 4 years old she returned from Sunday School (her first time) to exciedly advice my Nanna that they had sung a song about her favourite food. Nonplussed my Nanna asked her to sing the song, little Grace sang loudly "Cheese is lovely this I know for the Bible tells me so".

I used to believe…

At my church they would sing all these hymns and being from the South you couldnt always understand what everyone was saying.

They sang one song called "Not by Might" It went something like this...

Not by Might. Not by Might.
But by my spirit saith the Lord.

However I would loudly sing every sunday morning...

Not my pie. Not my pie.
But its the spirt's and the Lord's.

And then there was the southern oldie called "When the Roll is called up younder..Ill be there!!" which I thought was "When the ROAD is called a Punder...Ill be there!!" I couldnt figure out why people would start calling roads punders and why in the heck would I want to be there?

I used to believe…

In church, I used to believe that after the donations were made, the priest would go outside and hold the plate up, then a light would shine from the sky and beam it up from heaven. Then God would use the money to pay the angels for their services. I was afraid that if we didn't donate enough money, all the angels would go on strike and the Earth would spiral into chaos. I was an odd kid.