religion

I used to believe…

When I was young I was told about some guy call jesus who went around doing unbelievable things. I'm glad that I've now grown up and can see it for the lie that it is.

I thought a manger was the entire nativity scene with the stable, baby Jesus, Mary, the wise men and all. We had a little scene like that under our Christmas tree every year. When I was in my 30's, I found out a manger was only a feed trough, but baby Jesus did sleep in one.

I used to believe…

There's a verse of scripture that says "Consider the lilies of the field. They sow not, neither do they spin". I always visualised these brightly colored daisy-like flowers spinning around like fans. I did not understand that verse at all...

I used to believe…

When I was a little girl I had many warts on my fingers. I was so embarassed by them. I remember being in church one Sunday and praying to God to take my warts away. The next thing I heard was "Our Father who has warts in heaven.." And from that day on I was so proud that I had warts just like God!

I used to believe…

When I was 6 years old, my grandmothers dog died and a week later my Grandfather died. I remember my dad trying to explain to me that now both the dog and my grandpa were together in Heaven and that heaven is a beautiful place where they could look down at us. Well I thought the moon was beautiful and what better place to look down at us then from the moon. So I looked up to the moon to pray to my grandfather and saw him and the dog's shape in the mooon, (of course now I know that those are the moons craters not the shapes of my loved ones!!)

I used to believe…

Like many people, I believed the song 'Lord of the Dance' said "I am the lord of the dance settee," rather than "I am the lord of the dance said he." I had images of people getting up and boogying on this settee. Which, due to childish word connections, happened to be our grey and black settee.

I used to believe…

In Sunday School as a child, I was taught that "Jesus made no mistakes," so every time I was working on homework and wrote something wrong and had to go back and erase it, I was a little jealous that Jesus didn't have to use and eraser-that he did his homework right the first time.

I used to believe…

For months my younger brother went around asking everyone what a "looya" was. He kept insisting he had learned a song at school about a girl named "Glori" that "had a looya". It wasn't until he sang the song that we realized he was singing "Glory, glory Hallelujah". That was about 10 years ago, but we still tease him for it.

i used to believe god had an answering machine. that's how he heard everyone's prayer.

I used to believe…

when you light the menorah during hannukah, there's a saying that you're supposed to recite and it's in hebrew. used to think the end of it said: "Miss Evon knew Lahadlick Nair, shall Hannukah"

I used to believe…

when i was little i thought that as soon as you died, you were born again -- so anytime we'd learn anything about like the pilgrims or something i'd believe that i was a pilgrim.

in that way, when i was in third grade i actually thought that one of the characters from the little house on the prairie series was based on me.

I used to believe…

In parochial school we were always told that the soul was physically part of you, was inside of you, and when you died the soul left your body and flew off to heaven. Well then: part of you, inside of you. . . . A soul must be one of your inner organs! I used to picture heaven to be lots of clouds with little kidneys in sneakers and wings, playing harps. When I think about souls today, that's still the first picture I get.

I used to believe…

When I was younger I always thought Holy Communion was chocolate buttons and that the priest wouldn't give it to the younger kids because he was so greedy. Even back then just before my Communion my brothers then informed me it was garlic bread. I was totally confused.

I went to a Catholic school as a child. They told us that people who didn't hear the world of Jesus would go to hell. When I was in the washroom, as a first or second-grader, I would read the grafitti on the walls. Some people would write:

I was here but now I'm gone
I left my name to turn you on
Those who know me, know me well
Those who don't can go to hell.

I was convinced that JESUS must have come and personally visited the girls' room at my school to leave that message. Who else can say that anyone who doesn't know them could go to hell??

I used to believe…

When I was really little, I thought that the Lord's Prayer went, "Our father, you aren't in heaven...give us this day, our daily bed...the Father, the Son, and the Bully Spirit..." I still laugh at that one!!!

I used to believe…

Having been a voracious reader since age 3, I was familiar with a variety of religious practices at an early age. But I didn't encounter Catholic-style Ash Wednesday until I was in 3rd or 4th grade. A girl in my (public school) classroom showed up with a dark spot on her forehead and a very nice dress on. I assumed that people were FINALLY being allowed to marry at a proper age in this country, and congratulated her on her wedding. She had no idea what the heck I was talking about. Then someone said it was because of Ash Wednesday, but could not explain it. I had to ask Mom about it when I got home to get the straight story. I had assumed that my very Catholic classmate was Hindu, and that she was now wearing a "tip" (the dot on the forehead) as she was now married!