religion

I used to believe…

my husband figured out when he was very small that he must be jesus. he knew that his dad's name was joseph, but never knew what his mom's name was because his dad always used to call her 'mom'. hubby figured her name must be mary, and he knew his brother couldn't be jesus because his name was frank, so, bless him, he decided that he must was jesus. i think thats soooo sweet!! his mom's name was lily, by the way!

I used to go sunday school a lot as a kid, and my parents used tell me loads about this Jesus guy; that he lived in a hot country, wore dress like garments and most likely had dark skin. So on a family holiday to Egypt (my dad's Egyptian)i saw him.(The exact image i had pictured Jesus to look like). Jesus was standing in Heathrow Airport. A sudden impluse took me, and i ran after him screaming at the top of my lungs "Jesus Jesus!!". My embarrassed parents had to run after me to explain that it wasn't Jesus at all; but a very unammused muslim lady.....apparently this happened more than once.

I used to believe…

In 1st grade, my teacher told us to draw a scene from the Bible. I drew Adam, Eve and the serpent prior to the Fall from grace, and I gave the serpent legs. "Why does the serpent have legs?" my teacher asked. "Well," I answered, "as a punishment for making Eve eat from the apple, God told it "upon thy belly shalt thou go", which means that prior to man's fall the serpent did not crawl but walk."

This isn't true??

I used to believe…

When I first heard about guardian angels, I misunderstood the concept and didn't realize that they were supposed to protect us, but rather I believed they would report to God about all the bad things we had done that day. I thought that the angels followed us around every day with pads of paper, noting our sins, and at night when we slept the angels flew off to God and ratted us out.

I used to believe…

At VBS (vacation bible school) there was a song that promised that we would "learn to seek Your face, and the knowledge of your grace...", which I heard as "learn to sink Your face", whatever that meant. I ultimately decided that it meant washing Jesus' face (almost as good as washing someone's feet).

My next best involved a series of songs that refered to Jesus as "the rock". (Lord you are my Rock, On Christ the solid rock I stand, etc) Well, I was appalled! If I were the ruler of the universe, I would want to be compared to something fierce, like a lion, or a tiger; comparing Jesus to something as inanimate as a rock seemed to border on an insult. It took me a while to come to terms with this one.

I used to believe…

When they colleted the offerings in my old church, the people that colleted them when to the basement and count them there. Well... I used to think that they used to go downstairs, pray and then God would come down from the sky and take the offerings to heaven. :)

I used to believe…

At Catholic mass, during the receiving of holy communion, my mom had explained that the body of Christ was being given out to eveyone to make them more holy. My younger brother always believed that the reason people were chewing communion was because it had skin on it.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I heard the commandment "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house". At the time, I was under the impression that a "neighbor" was only limited to next door. Imagine my surprise when my next-door neighbors had their house bug-bombed and it had a large cloth cover over it -- I thought the commandment said "Thou shalt not COVER thy neighbor's house"!

I used to believe…

There used to be a hymn we sang in church when I was young. The hymn used to terrify me and I was scared to go to church every Sunday. Now I know that the words are "Dance, dance, where ever you may be, for I am the Lord of the Dance, said he and I'll meet you all where ever you may be and I'll meet you all at the dance, said he" (or something very close to this). When I was young, however, I thought it went "Dance, dance, where ever you may be, for I am the Lord of the dance settee and I'll eat you all where ever you may be and I'll eat you all on the dance settee"

I used to believe…

When I was about eight I read a book about mysteries which detailed how people got possessed by Satan. I then believed that because I'd read it I was an ideal candidate for possession. What kind of child thinks that?

I used to believe…

When I was at the christening of my sisters 3rd child. Her first child said as the Vicar approached, "Are you God". To this the Vicar with an air of self importance replied, "Very nearly my son, very nearly".

I used to believe…

During a trip with a stop in Trail, British Columbia,we went to the MacDonald's for a bite.My mother took me to the adjoining playground,where there were statues of the MacDonald's characters.The statue of Grimace seemed very large to my child's eyes, and the expression on his face seemed loving and forgiving.Having always heard that God is loving and forgiving,I decided that He must look like Grimace.I couldn't shake this belief even when I was very much old enough to know better.

I used to believe…

When I was young, I used to think only Mormons had cousins. This was because every time went somewhere, it was for a family reunion or family gathering where everyone flocked together. But when I was at school after vacation and weekends and told my friends what I did, they never ever spoke about having such experiences with any family or cousins and such. They only spoke of friends.
Hence. My believe (everyone at church talked about their family and cousins). . . . or so I thought.

I used to believe…

One time in Sunday School, my teacher told me that Jesus was always with us. I asked if he lived down the street from me then, and the teacher answered, "Yes of course, he is everywhere." When I went home that night I confused the crap out of my parents when I kept on wanting to go to the neighbors house to see Jesus.

I used to believe…

When I was about 3 I was made to attend Sunday school, believing it to be a mandatory part of the national curriculum. There was a man who came in and played hymns on a guitar and because he had long hair and wore sandals I deduced that he must be Jesus and he was previewing some of his new hymns. When I told my religious mother that I saw Jesus at Sunday school she said that this was something very good. When I told my atheist Dad that Jesus had been coming in and playing the guitar he told me that it wasn't Jesus but Brian who lived in Redbourn Lane. This shattered my belief in Christianity.

I used to believe…

As a child i was dragged to the local church of england church, down the road. Not being particularly religous or anything like that when my parents bowed their heads to pray before the vicer went the speak, i thought the back of the pew they were leaning their heads on was a communication device like a phone and tey were chatting the dead relatives. As i didnt know anyone dead i used to try and talk to the ladybirds ide crushed on the way down.

Now i dont go to chusrch any more, those ladybirds probably miss me.