religion

I used to believe…

One day many years ago as my 2 year old daughter laid her head on my chest, she popped up and said, "Mommy I can hear Jesus knocking on the door of you heart!" She was actually hearing my hear beating.

I used to believe…

When I was very young, a Catholic playmate told me about Purgatory, only he pronounced it "perkatory." I immediately had an image of a land that looked like the inside of a giant coffee pot, with percolator baskets growing out of the ground, hot coffee raining all around, and steam shooting up out of the ground.

Maybe I wasn't that far off after all.

I used to believe…

When I was about 3 or so, I was sitting in a waiting room with my sister while my mother was seeing the doctor. Two nuns walked in, and the taller one said she was a sister, while the shorter one said she was the mother superior. I promptly informed them that it should be the other way around--the mother should be taller than the sister!

I used to believe…

When I was a kid I used to think God looked like the salt and shake man(crisps that you put your own salt on); in a little blue packet with a big smiley face on it...

I used to believe…

When I was little, I thought I had met Jesus. After church on Sunday, the pastor would stand outside the door and shake hands with everyone as they left church. One day Jesus was there right next to the pastor and everyone was shaking hands with him, too. I thought it was pretty special that he was visiting our church. It was like meeting a celebrity. One day when I was in my 20's, something made me remember it. I couldn't have met Jesus! Did I dream it? I asked my parents and my brother if they remembered that day. They laughed and remembered the day the odd transient man walked up and got in the reception line after church. All the nice folks just went ahead and shook hands with him also and he seemed to really be enjoying it. Nobody knew that I thought he was Jesus. Hmmm...

I used to believe…

When I had to make my first communion I was scared because they say the body of christ, and i thought it was his real body, i thought it was thin slices of his arms and legs, and i hoped they would run out before i made my communion so i would not have to eat jesus.

I used to believe…

When at a restaurant once my mom told me that the owner of the place was our "host". Now when in church we sang a hymn with the line "Praise Him above ye heavenly host". So I got the idea that the Heavenly Host was a kind of divine restaurateur who was an important person but outranked by God. Questions like where he lived, how he fit into Christian doctrine, and what kind of food he served didn't occur to me.

I was petrified of the whole "Jesus is watching you" thing. Really didn't like the idea of him watching me do a wee or poo. So I, for many years, put the toilet seat on my back when I went to the toilet!!!?

I wondered why in church we had to sing "how great thou aren't" and I would (luckily)would clam up when ever that line came up.

I used to believe…

My best friend was Catholic. ONe day he said to me, "I'm a Catholic and I go to Catholic School. What are you?" I replied, "I'm a Public and I go to Public Schoool."

I used to believe…

MY CHILDREN KEPT THEIR SMALL BIBLE OPEN ON THEIR DRESSER AND TOLD ME AS LONG AS IT WAS OPEN THE DEVIL WOULDN'T GO IN THE ROOM. THEY WERE 9 AND 12 AT THE TIME.

I WAS PLAYING OUTDOORS ON A VERY HOT DAY. I WAS ABOUT 5. I WENT IN AND TOLD MY MOM THAT I WISHED JESUS WOULD TURN THE SUN DOWN. I PICTURED HIM SITTING IN A SMALL ROOM,BEHIND A DESK, WITH A LARGE DIAL BEHIND HIM,THAT WORKED THE SUN.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I didn't know that "want" used to mean "need" as in "needy," so I thought that when you said, "The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want," you didn't want the Lord being your Shepherd & wished he would just go away.

I also thought that at Christmastime you sang, "Round yon virgin," because she was round, because she was pregnant with Jesus.

I also thought that the choir at Compline was singing about "God the Holy Parakeet." I still don't really know what a paraclete is.

I used to believe…

As a kid, I'd heard (somewhere) that if you looked through a hole in the handle of a key, with one eye closed, you'd see the devil. The entire next day at school I tormented a friend whom I knew was highly religious, that he could see Satan if he wanted to. Finally, walking home through our neighborhood, I dared him to look. The moment he looked through the key hole, an old man that lived across the street peeked out his window, and the kid screamed, and ran home. He never spoke to me again, but for fun, I used to hold that key up in front of him at school, and he'd run the opposite direction. None of the other kids could figure out why someone would be so scared of a key. LOL!!

I used to believe…

When I was 5 years old, my minister's name was Pastor Luthro, and the church was named Trinity Lutheran Church. When the pastor left and a new one arrived, I could not figure out why they didn't re-name the church.

I used to think that God looked like the cartoon on the front of the Robin Hood flour bag. I always thought it was strange that God wore a green felt hat with a feather, but hey - He was God and He could wear anything he wanted to. Everytime my Mum had that bag of flour sitting on the counter, I always made sure to be on my best behaviour.