religion

I used to believe…

When I was little, I was taught about heaven and how when we went there we'd be able to fly. I was also taught that if we had enough faith, we'd be able to do anything. Thinking that the only thing keeping me from flying now was my "weak" faith, I would think about God while jumping off a chair. Of course, I always fell and so concluded that in heaven people simply lined up behind one of those man-cannons, for their turn to be shot into the sky. They just fell slower.

I am Catholic and when I was a child I assumed that there were only two different religions: Catholic and Public. I thought this because I was Catholic and attended Catholic school so I assumed that the children who attended the Public school next-door were Publics, right?

I used to believe…

We had to sind carols at school, but not having any clue about religiou stuff, I used to be sure that the words were..

"and in thy dark streeets CHIIINA "

because obviously its dark in China....

"and in thy dark streets shineth", just doesn`t work for me, even now

I used to believe…

When my 93 year old Granddad was a boy his favourite carol was "Hark the Harold (yes, Harold) angels sing"... He was sure they were singing about him as his name was Harold!

I used to believe…

As a child, I felt it necessary to excuse myself to God after passing wind alone, since, as I was told solemnly by parents and pastor, He is everywhere.

I used to believe…

At mass, when the congregation said -
"Thanks Be to God" I thught they were actually saying -
"Thanks Peter God"
My father's name is Peter. It bothers me that I never really questioned why everyone thought My dad was God.

I used to believe…

Note the following qoutation based on me seeing pictures of angels on clouds "...God could not live on the clouds because a plane would have hit him by now..."

I used to believe…

When attending Catholic mass as a kid, I thought the final thing said was not "Thanks be to God" but rather "Thanks, speedy God". I was always dying to get out of mass as quickly as possible and I was glad that the rest of the congregation felt the same way! (at least until I realized what they were really saying)

I used to believe…

When attending Catholic mass as a kid, I used to think, for whatever reason, that "Lord, here our prayer" was "Lord, here operator", as if he had a phone call or something. Very strange indeed.

I used to be really confused about the whereabouts of God.
On account of: "Our Father who Aren't in Heaven".

I use to think God's name was Harold. I thought this because in the Lord's Prayer we say:
Our father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name."

I used to believe…

Until I was eleven I used to believe in God. From the age of five my parents sent me and my younger brother to Sunday School each week, giving us a few pence each to put in the offering plate. When I realised that we hadn't been caught spending half of the offering money in the sweet shop each Sunday for the previous four years I stopped believing in any form of omniscient being. Sorry, Mum!

I used to believe…

When I was a kid of 8 or 9, I read the Ten Commandments for the first time (our family was not religious), and upon coming to "Thou shalt not commit adultery," asked my mother what "adultery" was.

She was not aware of what I had been reading, but explained, quite accurately, that adultery was putting water into wine or other alcoholic drinks to make them weaker.

For a long time I thought, "Man! God is REALLY SERIOUS about making sure people get what they pay for in a bar!"

I used to believe…

my mother grew up in Argentina close to what she thought to be a seedy train station, Temperly. Every sunday while reciting the "Lord's Prayer" at church she would cry, "and lead us not to Temperley Station!"
( I believe the line is "and lead us not into temptation")

I used to believe that when you died you became God for a few seconds until the next person died. Although it was only for a short time, it would feel like forever. And so there is no one God but it is the souls of everyone who is dead looking over and guiding everyone who is still alive, as they get a second to sparkle before moving on to let the next incumbent take the reins in Heaven.

All this sounds very nice but it is genuinely what I believed. As soon as I realised nobody else believed this, during primary school, I stopped believing in God and now have no religion.

I used to believe…

As well as the popular "I am the lord of the Dance SETEE". We had another hymn "Who build the Ark? Noah! Noah!", but I thought the lyrics were "Who build the Ark? No-one No-one" I couldn't understand why we were singing a song about an ark that no-one had bothered to make