religion

I used to believe…

"Hail Mary full of grapes the Lord is in a tree." (Hail Mary full of grace the lord is with thee.)
I said it incorrectly for about three years. I always wondered why our grapes grew on a vine and god's grapes grew in a tree.

I used to believe…

At Christmas time all the churches near my house would build a manger scene and populate it with sheep, goats, etc. So when I heard "Joy To The World" I thought the line was "And havin' a nature scene..." instead of "And Heaven and Nature sing..."

I used to believe…

My grandfather used to end each blessing with "bless this food for the nourishment of our bodies." The first Christmas after my grandmother died, he said the blessing, but couldn't finish it because he was so upset, so I finished it and said, "bless this food for the nourishment of our bodies." My sister, who was 28 at the time and highley educated, said, "I always thought it was "bless this food from the nerves of our bodies."

I used to believe…

When we were 11 or 12, we were confirmed in to the Catholic church. Part of this is that you choose a saint's name, to go with your own name...to this day I'm still not sure why...I think it had something to do with what God would call you...Anyway, on the day, you had to go up in front of the bishop, state your chosen name, and then he would tap you on your cheek. (again, don't know why!) All the older kids who had already been confirmed used to tell us that if the bishop didn't like you, or if you had been bad a school, he would smack you across the face. Someone told me that one guy, Noel, who was the "bad-boy" at school, got a black eye because the bishop hit him so hard! I really really believed it, and I was quaking in my shoes when it came to my turn, in case the bishop knew about all the times I had been caught talking in class...

I used to believe if you sewed on Sunday, you would have to pick the stitches out with your nose when you died. I got this belief from my mother, who believed this until she was 35 years old. It had been passed on to her from her mother who believed it till the day she died. Being a seemstress, it was fortunate that a minister set mom straight.

I thought the hymn "Toiling On" had something to do with having a really difficult bowel movement.

I was quite startled to find that someone else (Holly?),had the same 'thing' as me , in that you could see things when you concentrated on the centre of fire.I'm not sure about it being hell,but.......how interesting !

I used to believe…

As a small Catholic child attending Benediction I used to believe that during the ceremony they were burning INSECTS (i.e.incense) and wondered why insects would smell so bad when burned.

I used to believe that when sunbeams came through the window and little bits of dust were illuminated in it, that it was grace from God.

I used to believe that God was this king who lived in the clouds. He was all white and sat on a thrown with a crown, robe, and a staff. He would look down at the world and watch over the people.

I also used to mishear the words to 'Lord Of The Dance'. We had an old Dansette record player, & I thought the words were 'I am the lord of the Dansette' (pronounced Dan-Set-ee)

I used to believe…

When my family and I said Lord's meal prayer before each dinner (Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.) I always laughed at the word "bounty" and/or said "bounty" loudly. I thought it was a reference to Bounty paper towels. ;)

I used to believe…

At Sunday School, we were taught about 'the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost'. The first two I could always cope with meeting, but I lived in dreadful terror of bumping into the Holy Ghost!

Small wonder, then, that I turned out to be atheist...

I used to believe…

When I was at Sunday School at age about five, I thought that when 'such-and-such' "BEGAT" 'so-and-so', they were hitting them with a big stick or similar. The truth 'begat' me much later.....

I used to believe…

When I was a kid we all went to a very conservative independent baptist church. We were taught that people of other faiths: catholics, methodists, etc., were wicked and ultimately bound for hell. It was around this same time (i was 6 or 7) we were told the story of Sodom & Gomorah. How they were wicked and engaged in all kinds of immoral sexual acts. Since the term 'wicked' was also applied to other churches, I remember every sunday we would pass this large methodist church on the way home and i would strain my eyes trying to make out the forms of people engaging in a mass orgy through the church widows and thinking how much I'd like to get in there and have a good look! I don't know why but for some reason I was also sure there would be trapeze artist preforming in there as well.

I used to imagine that god was the tin man from wizard of oz and whenever i heard loud speakers coming from a car outside i thought it was the devil, so i'd go hide