religion

I grew up in a Southern Baptist church and school. Every year, at Easter, the church would perform a play depicting the life and story of Jesus. They always used children of all ages from the school to act in the play. The same man always played Jesus. He grew to be my idea of what Jesus must look like. In the play, during the crucifixion scene, I would always get scared and start crying uncontrollably. It was sooo believable - real looking blood, real screams from "Jesus", and real cries from all of the other actors on stage - sometimes even from the audience.
I thought that the man playing Jesus was really having nails driven into his hands and feet. I was in the play 6 years in a row. Even when I was old enough to know it was all pretend, I still cried during that act of the play, every time.

I used to believe that whenever i prayed on wanted something from God, i had to balance it out with something i was grateful for. I also used to obsess that i had to include every family relatives name in my prayers or they wouldn't go to heaven. Ah, Catholicism.

I used to believe…

In a home video of me when I was three, I sang the "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" lyrics as "Good tidings we bring, to you and your kid." Until my mom corrected me, I never even knew the word "kin" existed.

I used to believe…

Someone told me a story once about a bad guy who broke into a Catholic church and stole the eucharist (white circular bread thing). Supposedly the eucharist started bleeding all over the altar. I believed the whole story.

I went to Cathlic grade school for 8 years.
I used to think that "non-Catholics" and Protestants were two completely different groups (there were no Muslims or Jews or Buddhists or whatever else in Yankton, South Dakota) and wondered where those "non-Catholics" went to church.

I used to believe…

In Australia there is a snack food called Cheezels (I don't know if they exist elsewhere in the world). As a three-year-old, I used to sing the Christmas carol 'Away in a manger' thus:
'Away in a-a manger, no crib for a bed, the little lord Cheezels lay down his sweet head.' Later in the song: 'I love thee, Lord Cheezels, look down from the sky, and stay by my bedside til morning is nigh.' I really did love that lord Cheezels!

I remember when I was four and in Sunday School class, we learned that 'Jesus is love'. I made a connection between that concept and my favorite television show at the time (the Care Bears). I figured that since all the Care Bears loved and cared about everyone that much that they had to be helpers for Jesus when he got too busy. That same year, when we went on a plane down to visit my grandparents, I was on the look out for Care-a-lot and Heaven. I figured that they were all in the clouds somewhere, and that I'd either be able to wave to Jesus or to my favorite colorful bears. Too this day, everytime I look at my Care Bears, I have to smile because Jesus loves me.

I was told that relatives who die could 'watch over you from heaven'; every now and again, this thought creeps into the back of my mind, especially when doing something embarrassing or private. I wonder, 'who's watching me now?' I think this explanation of the afterlife could cause people to be paranoid, or at least add fuel to the fire....

I used to believe…

When I was little I asked our pastor if God was everywhere. He said Yes. Then I asked if that meant that God was in my stomach. He said well, yes, that too. I went around for a while very worried about digesting God and hoping he liked whatever food I had for dinner.

I used to believe…

Growing up Jewish in the United States I was confused about many details of Christianity and I guess noone ever thought to teach me. For many years I thought that Santa Claus was Jesus as an old man. Well... they both had beards, just check out those claymation holiday specials.

I used to believe…

Until I was about 3 or 4, I thought the line was, "Jesus loves me, *the sino*, for the bible..."

I kept wondering what a "sino" was.

I thought the singer Madonna and the "Madonna" figure were the same person, and that since Madonna came back, she would give birth to the new Jesus. I also thought the phrase "prima donna" was "Pre-Madonna" and meant before having Jesus, so I thought the tv was wrong calling the singer Madonna instead of Pre-Madonna since she had no kids yet.

I once argued with my sunday school teacher, a Southern Baptist, that Jesus and God and everyone in the Bible we're not people, they were monkeys, after seeing a documentary on evolution on the Discovery channel. My Grandmother tried to explain to be that Jesus was AFTER evolution, but I would only agree that they were monkeys BC, then became people in AD. Discovery channel used BC at the end of those dates.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, I attended a Christian school. Not understanding what the teachers and pastor meant when they said that we had to let Jesus into our hearts, I thought that we literally had a little door, leading to a little room in our anatomical hearts. I just figured that since Santa Claus can shrink himself to fit down the chimney, Jesus could shrink down to fit into my beating heart. I just remember feeling like I was carrying around that bearded figure dressed in robes and sandals in my heart like he was in my pocket.

I have a cousin named Reece and I used to have a step sister before my dad and her mom got divorced. My step sister went to Bible School and learned a new song that she started to sing around the house. It was called Resist the Devil (and he will flee from you). Her song caught my attention as she was singing "Reece is the devil and he will flee from you'!

I never thought this, but when I was a kid a guy my age told me that the New Testament was just the New Testament until the next Testament would be published. Then what we know as the New Testament would become the Old Testament. I asked him he was wrong and asked what they'd do with the current Old Testament. I never got a good answer to that one.