religion

I used to believe…

During the Catholic Mass, when we would sing "Grant us peace", my sister thought we were singing about some guy, Grantos Beece. She's 27 now and only figured out there's no Grantos about 3 years ago...

I believed that I was taken to Church each week as punishment for something I'd done during the week, hence I spent a lot of time trying to be really good and ending up having to go to Church anyway, this took me several months to work out. I cried a lot

I was brought up as a Catholic so I completely believed that because Eve was made from one of Adam's ribs that women had one more set of ribs then men do. I believed this until my wife and I were getting an ultrasound of our triplets and the technician said she could not get a good enough picture to tell if one of the babys was a boy or a girl. Since we could clearly see the ribs I asked her why she didn't just count them to tell the sex of the baby. When she realized I was serious she started to laugh uncontrollably.

I used to believe…

As a child I believed I could correspond with God via letters. I wrote to him frequently releasing the paper into the wind. Eventually I realised he didnt write back and there were sheets of paper scattered throughout my yard.

I used to believe…

While at nursery school, aged four, we were all taken to the Church next door for Harvest Festival. The headmistress told us we had to be on our best behaviour because we were in God's house.
I was seriously expecting him to be there, and very disappointed that he wasn't in when we came round.

I used to believe…

when I was at school we used to sing the Hymn, the Lord of the Dance. When it got to the chorus, the line went - "Dance Lord wherever you may be i am the Lord of the dance said he" However i thought the line went "dnace Lord wherever you may be I am the Lord of the dance setee" and surprisingly enough imagined the Lord dancing on a sofa!

I used to believe…

My favorite: At the end of Mass, the priest says, "The Mass is ended. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord." The parishoners reply, "Thanks be to God."

My little brother, Adam, always said, "Thanks speedy God!" -- thanking God for letting him out of church quickly.

I used to believe…

There was a kid in my neighborhood with a speech impediment that had me believing there was a guy named "Debbo" living in the sewers. He meant to say that the DEVIL lived below the Earth

I used to believe that spiritual grace was actually a physical thing that a person acquired internally.

I went to Catholic school, grades 1-8, and in my very early years, when the nuns talked about "grace" we acquired through the sacraments, I thought that grace was actually something inside of you. In my mind, grace was grey and foamy and fluffy - very light.

I never wondered why I couldn't feel it inside - I just assumed it was there after I did something good, like going to confession. I assumed it would be near my heart and disappear after awhile until I did something else that was good and then the "grace" would re-appear inside.

I used to have an irrational fear of devils and Hell and death. I was terrified of the color red, thinking it would open some portal into Hell. (For example, I had a red nightstand in my room, and I couldn't look at it at night, thinking it would summon the devil.) When we moved to Florida, the song "Devil Went Down to Georgia" was popular, and I was sure he'd come get me. I prayed several times a night and wouldn't move my lips for fear the devil was watching and would read my lips and harm the people I was asking God to bless. My Dad then told me that the devil can look like anyone -- he can take on the shape of anyone or anything you know. The only way to tell that it's the devil is that one part of his body would be an animal's (i.e., he'd look exactly like my dad, but have one hoof). Until I was 12 or so, I scrutinized everyone I saw -- looking for animal parts -- fearful they were the devil in disguise, coming to kill me. I was a nervous child.

I used to believe…

Originally I thought that God lived on top of the clouds. The Care Bears changed that! They lived on top of the clouds so, God must live in space among the stars or on the moon.

I used to believe…

Before religious training I believed that heaven was in the sky above the clouds, and hell was underground. If you dug deep enough you could find the devil. It was easier to understand then then it is now.

I used to believe that Satan travelled in a hot air balloon because I was told that he could see everything, so I presumed he was high up. Still don't know why he used a hot air balloon and not an airplane!!!

I used to believe…

When I first went to school, we sang the same hymn every day. no one ever taught you the words, you just picked tehm up as you went along. So I spent three years of my life thinking Jesus had a dancing sofa, cos I was singing "I am the Lord with the Dancing Settee" (instead of "I am the Lord of the Dance, said he")

I used to believe…

Our father, who aren't in heaven, hollowed be thy name.

Give us the stay our daily bread...

I used to believe…

The Christmas song "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" contains the line "most angelic hosts proclaim." As a kindergartner, I interpreted this as "toast and jelly coasts proclaim."