religion

I beleived that when you sneezed there was a hole in your soul for that moment which the devil could get through and that was why you had to say "god bless you" so that god could come and fight him.

I used to believe…

My first exposure to the concept of God was when my parents informed me of a big, all-powerful Dog (God backwards, get it?) that lived in the sky. I believed this for a little while, at least.

I used to believe that the Pope was an evil person. I first saw him on TV during some world crisis. I thought that someone who wears that bright of white with all that gold has to be evil. He was also old an had to be escorted (like a boss of some mafia movie). People still haven't proved me wrong...

I had seen movies (and cartoons?) where the villian would tie some victim to the railroad tracks. Then, I heard that Jesus had died on "the cross". In my young mind, I combined those two pieces of information into the conclusion that Jesus died by being tied down at a railroad "cross"ing.

I used to believe…

When I was around five my grandmother read me a Bible story, the one about the garden of Eden and all that Jazz. Unfortuantely, she had a very hard to understand Ukranian accent and I couldn't understand her for the most part. As a result, I walked away from the story under the impression that both snakes and apples were evil, and refused to eat apples from that day until I grew a brain.

I used to believe…

This may be an urban myth my Dad foistered upon me...but he swears that when he was a kid he loved the bible stories and hymns because of all the animals. You know, the story about Jonah and the Fish...the Talking Donkey...and especially that one hymn about "Gladly, The Cross-Eyed Bear"...

I remember being rather confused at the lyric in the popular Christmas carol that went 'Dawn we now our day of peril, fa la la, la la la, la la la'. I couldn't figure out why we were so happy about a day of peril, but hey. Christmas is weird.

I used to believe…

When I was little I was told in church that the Devil controls the water, so we could never go swimming in our backyard on Sundays. For some reason it was fine the rest of the week!

I used to believe…

When I was little, I liked this hymn at church that had the line, "turning his ears always to me", but I thought it was "Turning Ah Zeee", and preceeded to ask my pastor to play to play "Turning Ah Zee, puhlease". I think I've always been a little confused...

I used to believe…

When I was a young lad I used to believe that Jesus's last name was Murphy. I would hear my father saying it all the time "Jesus H. Murphy". Needless to say this belief ended with a conference between my Sunday School teacher and my parents.

I used to believe…

One of the churches I attended as a boy had a large mirror on the ceiling above where the pastor would preach and sermonize the congregation. I thought the reflection was God watching and giving instructions to the pastor, it really put the fear of God in me because he had one of those "fire and brimstone" styles of preaching. To this day I hate the "fire and brimstone" style of preaching and if I hear it on the radio or the TV I immediately turn it off.

i used to believe that when we died, an angel would come down and carry our body to heaven

I used to believe…

When I was little I belived that everyone in the whole world was catholic.

I used to believe…

In my youth, I envisioned god to be shaped like a diaper with a bearded face on it. I didn't associate his shape with diapers, that's just the best way to descirbe it. I can't even begin to imagine where I got that idea from.

I used to believe…

In elementary school, some friends and I found a sprinkler with the head removed. We decided that the small hole with a bit of water in it would let the 'devil' escape from hell. So we shoved dirt, grass, rocks, broken glass (!), and whatever else in it to keep the devil from escaping. Hope no one was around when those sprinklers were turned on!

I used to believe…

When I was about 6, I had this fascination with reincarnation (think I must have watched some programme on TV about it), and I was gonna write a list of all my friends names & put it in my pocket so if I died & was reincarnated, I could come & see them all.
It wasn't until a while later that I remembered that the paper would not be reincarnated with me...