religion

I used to believe…

At church, every christmas they told the story of when jesus was born and the older kids did a little play. Naturally, I thought that jesus was born every year, cause we were celebrating the "birth of christ", not just his birthday.

i used to believe that god was a little black kid who carried a banana leaf around over his head. i think it's cause i read this kids book with this character in it and for some reason associated him with god. i still think its a friendlier image than a towering old man with a white beard.

I used to believe…

In religious study in school when I was little one of our teachers mentioned that somepeople believe that your conscious is God somehow from this I got the idea that Jiminy Cricket from Pinnocino was God and that the blue fairy was the virgin Mary. This concept didnt go down particularly well when i kept refering to Mary as "that fairy" in Sunday school

I believed i was jesus reborn, i dont know why but i truthfully believed that I was soooooooo special that i was the messiah and that god had send a girl this time because the boy had failed. My parents finally found out i was a fruitcake when in an argument with my dad I yelled "you can't sent me to my room cause you're not my real dad" and informed him that God was my dad.

I used to believe…

when I was little my parents would still go to church every week and i would go with them so then when we had communion I was more than a little confusee witht the concept of the body and the blood of christ but i let it go as i was quite happy to get something to eat. Then shortly after I couldn't sleep 1 night and went down stairs to find my teenage brother waching a tv programme and he let me stay up and watch it 2. The tv programme happened to be on cults and the part that really stuck out to be was a section on cannabilism after which i quickly went to bed and cried myslelf to sleep. The next day I stayed in at break and told my teacher that my parents had made me join a cult and eat a person :) OOOhhh that was a strange call my parentss got from the school

I used to believe…

My little brother was learning the Lord's prayer for his First Communion, and misheard the "hallowed be thy name" part as "Howard be thy name". Our school bus driver was named Howard. He told me later that he used to feel sorry for all the other kids who weren't lucky enough to have God driving them to school like we did.

I used to believe, upon hearing the Lord's Prayer, that 'thou art in heaven' meant exactly what it sounded like. God was an artist, bumming around all day on the clouds with a giant celestial easel painting beautiful images. The giant hippy.

I used to believe…

When I was little I refused to believe that the words God and Father were synonmous, this was sort of odd as I went to preschool at my church and I even remember having an argument with my friend over it. She insisted that God was my father while my 3 or 4 year old self knew that my dad was not God, especially since his name was not God but John.

I used to believe…

One time while I was in church, I saw the priest go over to the deacon. He made the sign of the cross, and then the deacon did the same thing, then the priest...blessed the deacon, I guess (where he takes his hand and just kinda...moves it in the shape of a cross). Well, I thought it was a secret handshake.

I used to believe…

There's a song called "Take It All" by a group called Hillsongs United. A friend and I were singing this song in the car the other day. One of the lines is "Jesus, we're living for your name; we'll never be ashamed of you.... Our praise, and all we are today.... Take, take, take it all! Take, take, take it all!!"
Well, my mom was driving, and she turned around in her seat to stare at us and gave us this "WTF???" look.

Turns out that she'd misheard "take it all" as "Take, take, take it OFF!!!" My friend and I laughed so hard that we cried. Poor Mom...

I used to believe…

When I was in first grade at St. Mary's Catholic School, we were preparing to make our First Holy Communion. During the many practices, the Nuns would give us a chocolate Necco Wafer (candy) to represent the Host. After the big day finally arrived and the ceremony was over, my family asked me how I felt now that I had received the Lord. I was upset and couldn't understand why he wasn't chocolate!

I used to believe…

my grandfather told me that protestants historically wore the color orange - so one day when I was wearing an orange shirt - I told my parents that I was just like the prostitutes.

I didn't have this idea, but some of my friends did. I'm Polish and for Holy Communion we learnt a hymn that ends with words "Jemu chwala i czesc" which means "Glory to Him and honor (to Him)". But in slang, especially kids slang but not only, "i czesc" means also end of discussion, kind of like saying "period." at the end of sentence. My friends thought the hymn meant "Glory to Him, period."

I used to believe…

When I was a child, reciting the Lord's Prayer, I thought the verse was "Lead us North, into temptation..." My father thought it was a riot and wouldn't let my mother correct me. I have no idea how many years I prayed to be led north....

I used to believe…

My grandparents have always attended a very traditional church, where they sing a lot of old hymns. One of the hymns they sing every week is "Gloria Patri" (or something like that), and when I was little, I read that in the bulletin, and was convinced that a woman named Gloria was going to speak in church that week. (I was always puzzled as to why her name was in the bulletin, but I never heard her preach)

I used to be scared to walk
into the sanctuary of our
church, alone b/c I always
thought that the pews were
made out of dust from hell
and tht if you sat on them
he would come out!