religion

I used to think that if i looked at a cross it would turn me christian. every time we passed a church in the car, i'd close my eyes.
I was raised jewish. nobody ever told me about how religions worked.

I used to believe…

When I was in a catholic preschool, we always said a short prayer before snack time. Nothing much, just a simple "God is great, god is good, and we thank him for our food. Amen."

One day after a year and a half of preschool, I came home and announced to my mother that I had given up on God, because every day for over a year we had all prayed for almonds, and all we ever got was graham crackers and apple juice!

I remember as a young Jewish kid in a religious school, about 5-6 years old, learning about Isaac and Ishmael and the notions of the two separate religiong Judaism and Islam. I have two brothers and occasionally we would fight and then forgive each other and get along again. And I remember thinking of Muslims: "they're our brothers, and we need to forgive each other and get along again." I actually would start looking around the synogague during prayers hoping to see some of our "brothers" who had decided to forgive us.

I used to believe…

when i was little i was taught in sunday school about sin. I didnt understand so the teacher said when u did something bad black spot appear on ur soul (i figured a soul was ur insides) and if u got to many u went to hell.So i thought that if u filled up ur soul with black spots u would die. I was so afraid for years about doing to much bad things cause i didnt want to die.

I used to believe…

When I very briefly went to Sunday school at the age of about six or seven, they used to have a collection plate passed around. I asked what the money was for.

"Well, it might be for..." Mum thought about it. "It might be for mending the church roof."

I didn't say any more about it, but I was convinced that I knew now what was going on. After the service, the organist would melt down the pennies with the steam from the organ pipes (!) and cover the leaks in the roof with the hot metal. Even though I know better now, it's still a persistent image.

I used to believe…

In school we had to sing "Jesus riding on a donkey." My brother, then four or five years old, came home proudly singing it...

Except that he thought Jesus was riding on a DOGGIE.

I used to think that people's souls became angels after they died, because so many people said such things like "I guess God needed another angel" at funerals and such. It wasn't until I was a teen and I studied theology myself that I found that angels are a totally seperate type of being, and that human souls remain human. It was a shock when I realized just how many people are ignorant of their own religion.

As I became an adult, I started to doubt the existence of both angels and souls, so I guess spirituality is another childhood belief I grew out of.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, I assumed that I was two days older than Jesus because my birthday was December 23rd and his was the 25th.

For some reason, I also thought that the "Holy Ghost" was Jesus' purple dog.

I thought Jesus was made up to make kids behave.

I used to believe…

In Catholic church as a kid, when everyone shook hands and said, "Peace be with you", I believed they were saying "Pleased to meet you". So that's what I said until my dad corrected me. Opps.

I used to believe…

when i was younger my favorite church hyme was "Victory in Jesus" because i thought it said "he socked me and bopped me" instead of "he sought me and bought me".

I used to believe…

When I was young and going to a Southern Baptist church that preached about the evil side of everything all the time, I believed they had trapped numerous demons they caught wondering the earth and locked them on the top floor of this church which was always locked.

I used to believe…

U kno the song that goes something like "what if God was one of us" i imaged that if God was one us then he must have a house and if he has a house he must have a phone number. if he had a phone number then angels must be answering it (because Gods busy watching out for us). So for a couple years i thought that heavan was a big house and after you die you go to that house and become a seceritary for God. You Manly answer the phone saying "God hotline please hold" or "for miricals press one for blessing press two etc.etc.

I also spent 2 years looking for God's phone number in the phone book.

I used to believe…

When I was about 3 I heard my mom saying that Mary (me) likes corn. Because I did.

But I thought she meant that Jesus's mother likes corn! So that day we went to church and I said very loudly 'Alleluia to Jesus! Corn to Mary!'

I used to believe that the Jesus on the Crucifixes was the real Jesus that had shrunk somehow. I would always try to feed it little bits of food because he looked really hungry and nobody ever fed him.

I used to think it was useless to pray indoors unless you opened a window. If all the windows were closed your words would just bounce off the ceiling so you have to open a window so they can get out.

Even now, as an adult, I often feel that the words are just bouncing off the ceiling...