religion

I used to believe…

My mother told me an Exorcist was a man who "Drives away demons". Then I asked my dad what an Exorcist was. He said "A man who says prayers, uses special objects, and things like that to get demons out of peoples body". Combining these two bits of info together, I thought they would exorcise the demon, toss him in his car trunk, and drive him to heck.

I used to believe…

This isn't mine it's my little sisters:
When she was in first grade she was in the school nativity play and they all had to sing 'away in a manger'
She was convinced the words were 'A Wayne in a manger'! Bless her she must have wondered who this wayne person was and what he had to do with jesus. It was around the time of Wayne Rooneys england debut though...

I used to believe he lyrics to we wish u a merry christmas were, "so bring us some friggin pudding!" rather than figgy pudding.
Honestly how was a 8 yr old meant 2 know what a figgy was?

I used to think that when you died you got to ask one, and only one question to god about anything in the world that only god would know.

I spent sleepless nights trying to decide between asking "Where did amelia airheart go?" and "so, you know that ship that emerged from the bermuda triangle without any people in it? what happened?"

I used to believe…

When I was a child, my family attended a church that frequently referred to the rapture (the miracle of being taken to heaven without having to die). But whenever I couldn't find my parents (while at a store or other crowded place), I would be terrified that the rapture had occurred and I was left behind. Years later, my friends told me they had this same fear.

I used to believe…

My family's catholic, so this one day we were in mass, I was about 4 or 5 and i had to chant along, and i thought chanting was a moral obligation no one could be excused from, so, I ended up asking my mother: "Mom, how do mute people chant?" We left church that very second because of my family's laughter...Even if I am not a cotholic now, they still remind me of mute people's chanting....

I used to believe that heaven was the local church hall with rows of dead budgies on the floor covered with little white blankets. Now I know it's guinness and chocolate cake.

"I will cast, all of my Burdens, down at your feet"

turned into:

"I will cast all of my Birdies, down at your feet"

What God wants with a bunch of dead birds by his feet is beyond me.

I used to believe…

The song : 'He is exalted, forever exalted on high!'

Turned into: "He is INSULTED, forever insulted, on high"

I wondered what someone did to insult God forever.

I used to believe…

There was a song that all the littlel kids sang. Something about "If you want to be hip to the Lord" Me and my sister were CONVINCED that it was really "If you want to HIT by the lord".

We argued about this with my mom for a long time.

I don't know why, but when I was little, I tough Jesus was from England.

I used to believe…

Until I was about 9 (my scoutmaster explained the truth to me) I thought the word "Amen" had something to do with the Trinity. A-(one) God in Three "men" (Father, Son, Holy Ghost). "Amen" was to be sure the prayer went to all three, I guess.
Also, I used to think that the phrase in the American Pledge of Allegiance "One nation under God, indivisible" was "...under God invisible" (since I had been taught that God is invisible). I think my scoutmaster cleared that up, too.

I once misunderstood a Bible verse and i thought that if I stole something or murdered someone Jesus would not forgive me and I would go to hell. So when i stole a 25cent toy from a trirft store I felt REALLY guilty and worried. Little did I know then that Jesus forgive ANYTHING.

I used to believe…

As a child I believed that to be considered nice people had to pretend to believe in some imaginary things. These included Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Stork who brought babies, Jesus and God. I don't think I was a little skeptic, but I didn't believe any of the above were real. I just thought those were things that nice people pretended were real. I was in college before I found out that there was an historical Jesus, and I was absolutely astonished.

I used to believe…

From my mother;
who was told that when the sky was orange at dawn it was because heaven was at war (with hell?).
[She once fled her home with a few of her sisters in tow in order to save them.]

I used to believe…

When I was little I took the phrase YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE too literally and thought you could be a tree or an animal. So I prayed every night and hoped God would turn me into a hedgehog.