religion

I used to believe…

My dad was a preacher in the United Baptist church (the ones who breathe loudly between every few words, sounding something like "uhmm-uhh"). As a child, I thought those sounds were hiccups, and I always wondered why preaching made Dad do that...not to mention why he could make them stop so quickly after church had ended. Once when I got the hiccups I decided that I was going to be a preacher when I grew up, so that I could make them stop whenever I wanted.

I used to believe…

In church we'd say the Nicene Creed, and whenever we'd say 'On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures' I thought the words were 'in the filming of the scriptures.' I imagined the disciples watching a movie - a film - of Jesus coming back to life, with one of them in the back of the room running the projector.

I used to believe…

When I was a child, I used to believe that if I died as a child, I might be turned into one of those Cupid-like, naked or diapered, sexless cherub children. Teenage and adult angels (I used to think people who died became angels) got robes, but cherubic children had to be naked or diapered for eternity. Heaven was beautiful but scary/humiliating.
I'm not sure if I believed the diapers were needed (as they are in babyhood).

I used to believe…

When I was little, I never wanted to say the Holy Ghost part from "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost" when I said my prayers. This was because I was afraid of ghosts (the kind that wore sheets and haunted people) and I believed that if I mentioned that word in a prayer, a ghost would overhear and appear in front of me, thinking I had called it. So instead I always said "Holy Spirit," because I thought that spirits were the friendly counterparts of scary ghosts, and I didn't think I'd mind if I accidentally called one of them.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, I asked my mother ' does anybody live in the clouds? ' and she replied with 'yes,God does.' So it began that everytime I seen the clouds, I would wave to them and wonder if God could see me. When a day came that there were no clouds, I began to cry because I thought he moved away.

I used to believe that the donation money went to the pastor and he would put it in a little red envelope and then secretly he would give it to a dove and then God would get it.

I used to believe that God and Jesus were the same person

I used to believe…

My favourite childhood religious belief comes from my mom's First Grade students, as it was apparently disproven on the playground: "I asked my grandma - Cupid's not the son of God; Jesus is!"

I used to believe…

My dad is a rabbi, so I was so used to seeing the Star of David, and I figured that this is what all stars looked like. So once I drew a sky full of six-pointed stars, and my dad absolutely adored it... they were just supposed to be stars, but I couldn't tell him for years because he'd looked so proud of my religious statement. ^^

I used to think that spelling "G-d" instead of "God" (as per Orthodox Jewish practice) was insulting, as it implied that you didn't care enough about God to spell his name correctly. I marched myself up to the rabbi, full of righteous indignation, and demanded that he fix it so it wouldn't say "g'duh"

I used to believe…

When I was little church confused me. Once when I was about 3 my father carried me up to communion with him. I thought the host was a necco wafer and screamed "I want a necco wafer!" at the top of my lungs and tried to grab one out of the chalice.

I also thought that at the beginning of the Mass the priest came in and as an act of, I don't know, self mutilation or torture, he would bash his head against the altar. This was because we usually got to church late and had to sit in the back and I couldn't see clearly. Finally I asked my mother "Why does the priest have to bang his head on the table when he comes in?"

Finally I thought God's name was Harold "Our father who art in heaven, HAROLD be thy name.."

I used to believe…

Growing up in West Virginia, my mom's friend and her siblings used to run across abandoned mines b/c the rumblings of built up carbon gas they heard was thought to be the devil trying to reach up and pull them into the mine below!

I used to believe…

Whenever I saw the movie Joseph and the Amazing Technocolor Dreamcoat, it showed the pharoe dressed like Elvis at one point and singing like him. (This was a joke because they called Elvis the King and whatever). I really thought that in real life Elvis was the pharoe and that this didn't take place in the biblical times, but when my parents were kids.

I'm jewish and when i was younger my dad tried to convince me doing the bar mitzvah telling that only oblied kids would not do it. For some time i pictured evil priests attacking little childs and taking to churches until my father said it was not like that and asked sorry for confusing my little mind.

I used to believe…

This old Polish lady used to babysit me. One day I was at the kitchen table eating Spaghetti-O's and swinging my legs back and forth and she said in this really eerie voice, 'When you do that, you're swinging the devil. And the angel on your shoulder is crying.'

I'm 35 now and am still scared to swing my legs.

I used to believe…

When I used to pray, when I was little, I wasn't always sure if God was there, he's a very busy man, having to take care of the world and stuff, so when I would pray, it would begin something like "Dear God, if you not here right now, I'm leaving you a message...." I was a weird kid.