religion

i used to think heaven, jesus et al. literally lived in the clouds and when i went to visit my grandparents i would stare out of the plane window looking for heaven...

I remember listening to my grandfather read the Bible to the family on a Sunday evening when we visited and he read from the book of Exodus. As a child about 5 years old, I really struggled to listen close and pay attention to the reading. My attention was caught when he told of God traveling with the Israelites in a cloud. Against a bright blue background, I pictured a greenish storm cloud, but the cloud was way up high, so it was small, like a gherkin. You see, I thought my grandfather had said God rode in a "pickle cloud", not a "pillar cloud." I'm over 30 years old and all of this time I've had that weird little cloud picture in my head all of this time, not having any idea why until I read through Exodus just the other day.

I used to believe…

when i was young i used to believe that you prayed over food to cool it down, then i asked my mommy "do you pray over cereal"? she said yeah. and i was like "but its cold!!!"

I used to think that the small sheep on a picture my mam had of jesus birth in the stable was "Worthy" the lamb. This was due to the part of the catholic mass that goes "Worthy the lamb of God, who takes aways the sins of the world. Blessed are we who are called to his supper."

I used to believe…

When I was little, I used to think God looked like a Bearenstein bear -- like papa bear, and that Jesus looked like brother bear. I don't know where I got this impression, somehow a crossover of two different literatures I was exposed to as a child. But for a long time when I heard "God," I'd think of a two-dimensional brown bear with a hat and overalls.

I used to believe…

When i was quite little (about 7 or 8) I thought that the works to the hymn 'Kum-bah-yah' were 'Cucumber, my Lord...' I always wondered why the lady sitting next to me in church was glaring at me...

I used to think that i would live all the lifes of the persons who are called like me, in that way, we will know all the kinds of lifes possibles, and our soul will be more mature.

I used to believe…

When I was young I remember the vicar telling us "Jesus died so that everyone else may live", but he didn't explain how exactly this worked. So I imagined the devil holding a gun to Jesus' head saying "Right Jesus, either I shoot you or I shoot everyone else on this planet."

This also meant that I didn't understand why everyone made such a big deal about his "sacrifice", since it was the obvious choice.

I used to believe…

When I was about 9 years old I thought that when I blew bubbles, and they popped in different places on my driveway that I was an angel or a a saint sending new babies to be born all over the world. I even made a little map out of chalk to mark where the babies landed. But if they popped in the air, the mother had had a misscarriage. I felt horrible for all the babies that "died" and i later held small funerals for them.

I used to believe…

In church school we were always taught that heaven was in the sky.

My friend and I spent many a day looking out the window of our bus and trying to figure out which cloud was big enough to hold heaven.

I used to believe…

When I was at school we sang the hymn 'Lord of the Dance' in assembly. I thought the lyrics went;

"Die then, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance said he
And I'll kill you all, wherever you may be
And I'll kill you all with the dance, said he."

I honestly thought that Jesus wanted to kill me. It didn't really bother me though and I'm not sure if that was because I just accepted it as normal or because I didn't really believe in God anyway.

I used to believe…

At my daycare center, during lunch, they'd make us say a simple prayer (though at that age I didn't know what a prayer really was). I thought we were saying, "Scott (God)is great, Scott(God) is good, let us spank (thank) him for our food.".
My mom still teases me about this 20 years later.

I used to believe…

In Sunday School we used to sing a song about "The wise man built his house upon the rock/the foolish man built his house upon the sand."
The chorus said, "The rain came down and the floods came up/and the house on the rock stood firm/and the house on the sand fell flat."
And I used to sing loudly, "THE RAIN CAME DOWN AND THE FUSS CAME UP!!" and I'd picture a crowd of people fussing around outside the houses.

I attended a convent from ages 6-10. One day, when i was 7 one of the nuns was showing us a video about jesus. We got to the part where baby jesus was laid out on a table, surrounded by bearded men, on wielding a knife. As it dramatically flashed across the screen, accompanied by a piercing cry and followed by the baby jesus sobbing his guts out. I, distressed, asked the nun what they were doing to the poor little baby. She told me they were carving a "J" in his leg for jesus.

Outraged at this shoddy treatment, i told everyone i met about this travesty for years, until someone filled me in on the practice of circumcision.

I used to believe that Jesus was born on Dec. 25 and died on the following Easter -- which meant that he was only a few months old when he died. Somehow, he became adult and did all those miracles in between. (I guess I thought it was just one more miracle!)

I used to believe…

Growing up Catholic, all of the churches had confessional boxes along the walls.
I used to think that the priests changed in them before Mass; if the light was on, that meant "Do Not Enter, Priest is Changing"

I grew up in a religious family, with a somewhat narrow view of the world. Everyone was either a Protestant or a Catholic (those were the only options). Unfortunately, in elementary school I confused the word "Protestant" with "Prostitute" and therefore believed that if you weren't a Catholic, you were, by default, a Prostitute. I had no idea what a prostitute was, but quickly learned when I proclaimed to a group of friends that my family was prostitutes. To this day I am hoping everyone has forgotten what I said.

I used to believe…

When I was 4 or 5 my parents got me some kind of tape about The Prodigal Son. I was terrified of watching it because I thought it was the "The Prong Son" and was about a kid with a sharp prong who killed everyone. I'm 10 and I still don't want to watch it.

i was always hearing mary referred to as the "mother of God." so when they called jesus the "son of God," i thought, "no, He and God are brothers! he's the SON of joseph!"