religion

I used to believe…

A good friend of mine, as a small child in a religious household, somehow concluded that when people put their hands together in the praying position, it was because God was supposed to somehow be between their hands. She would always keep her hands a little ways apart when praying so as not to squash God, which she thought seemed rude of others not to do.

I grew up near Bellingham, Washington. When we went there for the first time I was very eager to know where in town Jesus had been born.

I was told from time to time that the Bible says you shouldn't swear, which I took to mean that you shouldn't swear oaths. I thought that pinky-swearing was inherently sinful and dangerous.

I thought the flying buttresses on a cathedral actually enabled it to fly somehow!

I used to think that as soon as the palms of your hands were together God could hear everything you say, sort of like a walkie-talkie button. I was afraid to say anything bad or stupid if my palms were touching in any way.

I used to believe…

When I was little, during church we'd say our prayers and bow our heads and close our eyes. I guess one day I wasn't listening and let my mind drift off and develop a little theory. When we close our eyes and pray, we are teleported to heaven and are placed before God, who is sitting in this huge throne, and he listens to us ask him for forgiveness and protection. The reason we get so close? He has bad hearing! And if you opened your eyes during the prayer, you wouldn't be able to go back to heaven during THAT prayer as a penalty for leaving without telling God. A couple of times, I accidently opened my eyes because they were itchy and said "Darn it!" under my breath and my mom looked at me funny with one eye. I never told it to anyone because I thought it was a secret between me and God!

I used to believe…

When I was little, my dad told me B.C. meant "Before Christ" and A.D. meant "After Death." This led me to think that the original dates of Christmas and Easter happened within a year of each other. I thought the reason Jesus was so magical and powerful was that he grew to be an adult in under six months!

I used to believe…

Until I was about 23 I believed the Catholic Prayer before dinner said, "Bless us our lord, for these thy GUESTS, for which we are about to receive..." Turns out its gifts. I was apparently a cannibal (not really).

I used to think that my priest at church was God because he wore a robe and was bald and that is how I always thought God looked. He was also my piano teacher's husband so I was really surprised when I would go to piano lessons at God's house.

I was raised Catholic, and when I was a child, I believed that the reason we sang a song at the end of the mass was so that the priest could escape without our seeing him leave.

I used to believe…

Growing up in a non-religious household, as a little kid, I'd sometimes see ads for religious counseling numbers on television. I somehow got the impression that these were numbers with which to directly call God on the phone.

I used to believe…

when ı was little ı used to think that minaret was god and somewhat later ı learned that we could not see the god now whenever ı remember that ı just laugh

I use to think the known Christmas song "in excelsis deo" was en chelsea's dayo

I always wondered why Philemon was beating up James. We used to sing a song to help us learn the books of the New Testament. In it there it was, plain as day: "...Titus and Philemon, he bruised (Hebrews) James, 1st and 2nd Peter..." Seriously dude, leave James alone!

I used to believe…

Because in the Catholic religion you do the sign of the cross before and after basically everything you do, I thought it was a on/off switch for talking to God. But I couldn't remember how many times I'd done it, so I was never sure if the switch was currently on or off. I was terrified that I was talking to God during the wrong times, and he wasn't hearing me when I was at church. So every week at church I crossed myself twice when I sat down so that at least 50% of the time I was right.

I used to believe in Jesus. When I was young I saw his face in the clouds. I didn't know who he was yet but somehow I knew he was Jesus. It's years later now and it's become a memory of a memory that I no longer believe.