religion

I used to believe…

An older cousin used to tell us that if we call the number 7777777 on the phone at midnight, it will reach hell directly. We can speak to our deceased relatives.

I made my first communion when I was eight. In the catechism classes we had to prepare us for it, the teachers told us that once we took communion, Jesus would live inside us forever.

So when I got home after the Mass and was just sitting around waiting for my aunts and uncles to arrive for my communion party, I was amazed to see that the skin on my chest was moving up and down slightly as if being hit from the inside. Really it was just my heart beating, but I had never noticed it before and I thought it was Jesus inside me, kicking me to let me know he was in there!

I used to believe…

When my mom went to church as a kid, she was always told never to turn around and look toward the back of the church, because that was disrespectful. Well, back then the rear of the church was also where the chorus and the organ were in a big balcony, so whenever my mom heard the chorus, she thought those were the angels singing.

I used to believe…

When I was young I was shopping in London with my mum and we saw the actor Robert Powell. Knowing I wouldn't know his name my mum said "Look there's Jesus!". So I did what anyone would do in Jesus' presence and got on my knees.

I used to think that Jesus was English. It made sense to me at the time because Mary and Joseph are English names. Well, Joseph is a Jewish name but he wasn't Jesus' father. God was! He isn't Jewish...Don't even look Jewish...
God is Church Of England. Her Majesty the Queen's church!

I used to believe…

When my goldfish died we flushed it down the toilet and my mum said that it had gone to heaven. So i said God lives in heaven and she said yes. So from then on i believed that God lived down the LOO!

I used to believe…

When I was little...at catholic church they had us take communion, and they would say it was the body of Christ. Well my brother and I used to think we were so special because only our church had the body and blood of Christ in our tabernacle!!!

I used to believe…

When i was little i used to think of God as a tall guy, dressed in red robes and a red turban(why red?) with a big nose and a real serious expression and when rain came it was God taking a shower and during a thunderstorm him and his angels were running around playing football with the Sun, that's why it's so dark. What an imagination!

I used to believe…

When I was little and learned the Apostle's Creed, I thought "Pontius Pilate" meant an evil and insane pilot (as in "suffered under Pontius Pilate"). I got this idea because of TV commercials for the movie "North by Northwest," in which Gregory Peck was being buzzed by an airplane and running away from it. I thought some crazy pilot did the same thing to Jesus.

I used to believe…

My dad once told me that when the bells rang in church it meant that Jesus noticed some child misbehaving and was getting angry at them. Whenever the bells rang and I was bored or being bad I was convinced that Jesus had noticed that I was not paying attention and was mad at me. So I would immediately sit up and attempt to be on my best behavior. When the bells rang and I knew that I was not misbehaving I always looked around and attempted to find the other child that Jesus was repremanding.

To this day bells still kinda put me on edge.

I used to believe…

When I was little, my grandma sang at Sunday mass, so we always sat up front to watch her. At the front was a huge crucifix with a bloody Jesus hanging on it that I thought was really bleeding. I would bring band-aids to church every Sunday for Jesus and leave them on the pew when we left. It took me a long time to figure out why he never used them.

i used to think that the congregation in church wasn't actually reciting words, i thought that everyone was just mumbling. needless to say, one day i joined in my humming and mumbling gibberish noises.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, my parents had me attend Sunday school. We always had to sing songs and this one song was "Praise thee the Lord, Hallelujah!" and I thought it was "Crazy the Lord, Hallelujah!" I'm almost 21 now and I didn't realize this until a few years ago. I just can't stop thinking about me belting that out during Sunday school.

I used to think when I was little that when you had your first communion they nailed you to a cross. When I learned in religion class I would be having mine soon, I cried and when the teacher asked me what was wrong I said "Just because they did it to Jesus doesn't mean they have to do it to me!"

I used to believe…

A few years ago a friend of mine called Peter came round to my house and my little sister confidently told us that he had the same name as God. It turns out that all these years instead of saying "Thanks be to God" she has been saying "Thanks Peter God"!!!

I was telling my boyfriend about the hymn "Victory in Jesus" and when I got to the part that went "He sought me/and bought me" my boyfriend thought I said "He socked me/and bopped me."

I used to believe…

Not mine, but my brother's-
My young brother, when told he was a child of Jesus, began to look terrified and started to panic. When we asked what was wrong, he wailed 'No child of see-sus! I mommy's child!'

Suprisingly, our pastor was the first to laugh.