religion

I used to believe…

When I was little I used to believe that people had to ask god's permission before they could use fireworks because they would be disturbing the people in heaven.

I used to believe…

when i was about seven i visited a monastery, and on sale in the shop they had a row of little dough ornaments (i think you put on a glaze to harden it after you've made it or something). that's actually all i remember of the monastery - so much for educational trips! anyway, i used to believe that all monks spent their lives chipping at loafs of bread and carving sculptures, probably in solitary cells and after having taken a vow of silence. i don't remember when i stopped believing that but when i was studying the catholic reformation it was what always came to mind when i wrote about 'penance' or 'good works'.

I used to believe…

When I was quite small, say about 4, and i used to go to church with my mum and dad, the priest used to speak into a microphone and there used to be massive speakers stuck in the 2 corners of the church. As i was little and the place was really crowded i was never able to see the priest and thought it was God himself talking to us through a radio and we could hear him thru the speakers!!

'"I am the Lord of the Dance," said he.'

I believed that this was actually 'I am the Lord of the Damp Settee', and every time it rained, I would drag our sofa outside, so that I could ask Jesus for toys...

I used to believe…

When I was about 9, Michael Flatley (the Riverdance guy) released the show "Lord of the Dance" and I remember hearing about it. At around the same point in my life, we used to sing the hymn "The Lord of the Dance" at school masses.

So, obviously whenever we sang "dance then, wherever you may be, I am the Lord of the Dance, said he" I used to think that Jesus liked Riverdancing and wanted everyone to Riverdance with him.

I used to believe…

When I was a little girl, my parents explained to me that Jesus was everywhere. So, at night, I used to sleep in a little ball at the corner of my bed so Jesus would have room to roll over.

I used to believe…

My CCD teacher always talked about "letting Jesus into the room in your heart". My parents never really raised me Catholic, and I never really thought religiously, so I would go home wondering about rooms in my heart, which I never thought about as this wondrous emotional thing, more as a mass of beating organ...and how it was furnished and the fact that there was a door on my heart, and why the hell Jesus was allowed in there??? I didn't tell him he could go in....

I used to believe that there were different heavens for each nationality.
Chinese heaven was like one of those nightclubs or rollercoasters; you have to be 5ft or under to get in.

I used to believe…

When I was small, I thought that the reason that girls had to wear skirts in church was so that God could check and see if we were wearing clean underwear. I thought he checked the boys in the bathroom, cause boys could go without underwear but girls couldn't. They were always talking in church about how he was watching us all the time!

I used to believe…

For years I used to believe that God's name was Harold.

I asked my mum, "why does Harold have charts?"

She didn't have a clue what I was going on about, and asked me what I meant.

so I replied, "You know Harold, in heaven, why does he have charts?"

My Grandad's name was Harold, so my mum said, "Grandad isn't dead, he is still alive."

I got really frustrated, "No mum, Harold in Heaven! you know!"

"Our father, with charts in heaven Harold be your name, your kingdom come....."

Ok so mum finally got it, and she reminds me of it often

I was told that God made everyone so I used to think that the lines on our palms, wrists, where our elbows and knees fold, etc. were the stitches left behind after God sewed us together.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, my best friend told me that anything you say after the word "holy" was what you were calling God. So if you said "holy cow", you were calling God a cow. Growing up a Christian, I didn't want God to think I thought badly of him. So I'd refrain from ever saying the word "holy." It wasn't till my teenage years when I had started to use that word again.

I used to believe…

Up until I was about 9, I thought all the snakes were the devils children because satan was a snake during the story of Adam and Eve. So I would always catch the snakes and talk to them so when they saw "dad" (aka:the devil) that just incase I didn't get to heaven the devil would somehow be nicer to me than everybody else because I was friends with his "kids".

i used to believe that everyone was just either Jewish or Cristian, I didn't know there was anything else. I would go around asking people whether they were Jewish or Christian.

I used to believe that the reason we celebrated Jesus's birthday was because he was born on Christmas day. I didn't get the fact that Jesus's birth made it Christmas, I just thought the reason people prayed to him and celebrated him and sang to him and all the rest of it was because he happened to have been born at Christmas. This used to puzzle me because I knew another boy who's birthday was on Christmas day, and I wondered why people didn't also praise HIM, pray to HIM make him an idol etc like they did with Jesus, even though he also had been born on the special day of Christmas.

I was told that "God made everybody". I would sit in church with my family on Sundays and get a vivid mental image of God standing in my kitchen with a frying pan on the stove... getting ready to "make people". I knew the first ingredient would have to be a pat of butter, so the people wouldn't stick to the pan... but could never quite figure out any of the other ingredients He would use to make us.