religion

I used to believe…

When I was really little, (about 3 or 4) my great-grandmother died and I had to attend the funeral. After everyone met at a family member's house I had never visited before, I got to ride in a limosine to the funeral home. I'm a Christian, and I was taught (and still believe) when you die, you go to heaven. There was an older girl sitting next to me (probably a second cousin or something) and I was tired and wanted to take a nap in the limo, and I just told her, "Wake me up when we get to heaven!" I thought the funeral home was heaven. I went through the whole funeral and banquet afterwards thinking I was in heaven. Fortunantly, my mom corrected me not much longer after.

I used to believe…

There were always made up stories for different weather that went on.

I was told that when it rained, either Jesus was taking a shower way up in heaven, or he asked his Daddy (God) to go hang out with his friends, God said no (cause he's the boss) and Jesus cried.

When there was a storm, God was bowling...thunder was the sound of the ball rolling down the aisle, and each time there was a strike, there was lightening.

When it snowed....God had dandruff...

I used to believe…

When i was little i was blowing bubbles outside and then thought to myself 'oh my god im probably disturbing everyone in heaven with these bubbles!!' (cuz they always went up into the sky) so i never blew bubbles again.

I used to believe…

when the priest would hold up the eucharist and you could hear bells, i always thought that the eucharist made the sound itself. i didn't know that altar servers rang the bells.

i used to think that when your people said your soul would go to heaven after you died that your soul was actually a body part and i would imagine all these bone type body parts sitting in the sky...jeez lmao...so random.

i used to think that when people would tell me at church or something that "god is all around you" that there was little invisible men who i considered god literally ALL around me, syanding next to me all the time

I used to believe…

When I was young and went to church I used to believe entirely that God's first name was Peter., at the end of every prayer the whole congregation seemed to me to be saying,
"thanks Peter God" of course it was really "thanks be to God".

I used to believe…

Until I was 8 or 9 I thought that the lyrics to We Wish You A Merry Christmas were: 'Glad tidings we bring, to you and your sins' instead of 'Glad tidings we bring, to you and your kin'!!!

I used to believe Jesus was born every year at Christmas and died every year at Easter. Between Christmas and Easter he lived in Israel, but between Easter and Christmas he lived in heaven and was on vacation. I was upset to find out he only lived and died once thousands of years ago because I thought that meant only people who lived back then got their sins redeemed.

I used to believe…

As a kid, I misheard the song "He's got the whole world in His hands" as "He's got the whole world in His pants." I cackled like an idiot and realised how stupid i was when I heard the real lyrics at about age eight.

I used to believe…

when I was little we went to church religiously (pun intended) when I was three I had a favorite hymn seemingly written just for me... "I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm three..." I also enjoyed "I've got that pizza passing understanding down in my heart..."

I used to believe…

When I was about 7 or 8, I believed heaven was up in the clouds (the ones with bright sunlight behind) and when visible rays shot down God was taking someone into heaven. I would always wonder who he was taking up when i saw them.

I used to believe…

To explain the stars coming out at night, I believed that the sky was a giant pin cushion and we were all inside. At night, when God was finished sewing, he would put his pins in the pin cushion, and those were the Stars. I actually envisioned God, sitting there in a barca-lounger, sewing all day, with his pin cushion at his side...

I used to believe…

When I was about 7, I believed that this big hill beside the hospital in my town was heaven. It was so big to me back then, so I thought that this was the only place heaven could possibly be. I would say hello to God and Jesus every time we drove by.

I used to believe…

When I was bout 5 or 6, I was horrified about the colonel on the KFC signs. I believed that he was Satan on earth and I would cry and cover my eyes every time KFC came around.

i used to believe that the virgin mary in the bible's real name was mary virgin, and obviously was part of the extended virgin family who lived out in the desert - i also just presumed that once you got married you automatically got a baby, and i thought that the big deal about jesus being born was that mary virgin said that she didn't want one, and then got one anyway - imagine my confusion when madonna's like a virgin came out !

I was a little confused in Sunday School. I used to sing "Jesus loves me Eskimo" instead of "Jesus loves me this I know" and "Goat ate it on the mountain" instead of "Go tell it on the mountain"