religion

I used to believe that God was a rather large obeise man in a turban, who sat cross-legged all day, directing the angels to do His bidding.

I used to have a picture book that showed Jesus dying on a cross. I had heard that we had to die like that because we deserved it. I didn't hear that Jesus died for that punishment so I assumed that when we died we had to die on a cross!

I used to think god looked like Mr. Rogers. accept He was really humongeus, after all he had to take up the entire sky

I used to believe…

When I was little, I used to believe that the song " May the Dear Lord Bless You" was about a deer that was a lord in a kingdom and he was saying bless you as if you had just sneezed.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I used to believe the moon was God's desk chair, where he sat and watched us. I wouldn't pray when the moon was full, because that was the back of the swivel chair, meaning he was facing the other way and wouldn't hear me. When there was no moon, I was always afraid God had moved.

I was raised Catholic, and had the idea of "inviting Jesus into your heart" doa little confused. Apparently, he knocked all the time, and when you answered, he could come inside & be inside your heart. The symbolism of this was somewhat lost on me though - I routinely used to kick Jesus out of my heart before I did bad things. I would tell him to leave, and once the evil deed was done, I would say, "Okay Jesus, you can come back in now." This went on for years.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I went to a church with a loft for the choir. I didn't know that stairs led up to the loft. I was convinced they led to a rollercoaster that took you to Heaven to see God.

I used to believe that if you picked up the phone and dialed 999-9999, you would reach Satan. I think I heard this from my brother, joking at some point. When I finally got the nerve to try calling, it didn't connect to anyone, so I assumed God had cut off his phone.

I used to think that heaven looked like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory with lollipops growing up from the ground.

I used to believe that people were chosen by the pastor to be baptized and not of their own choice. I went to church ever Sunday scared to death that I would be "chosen" to be dunked in the water.

I used to believe…

We had a man in our church named Art Jones and he and his family always sat in the pew in front of ours. I always thought it was pretty presumtuous of the church to sing "How Great Thou Art" when they never sang "How Great Thou Doug" to my dad!

I used to believe…

In first grade of my Catholic school located in Illinios, it took me three weeks to clarify the following confusion: how could Abraham be the Old Testament leader of the Jewish people and the 16th President of the United States ?

I used to think that Joseph, Mary's husband, was God. He played the father role in Jesus' life and when I would hear that God was Jesus' father I just assumed they meant Joseph. I remember hearing in church that no one knew what God looked like, and I came across a picture of the Holy Family and wondered if anyone realized there was a picture of God!

I used to believe…

My daddy took me to church every Sunday. I heard the preacher talk about the Father. Being only about 4 or 5 at the time, I just naturally assumed that he was talking about my father which meant that my father was obviously God. Then I had an accident and broke my leg. My grandfather (my daddy's daddy) got really upset that I had not been taken to the doctor and he YELLED at my daddy. Then the most shocking thing happened. My daddy said "Yes, sir" to my grandfather. Well! I had apparently been wrong. My grandfather must be God...and that meant that my daddy was Jesus. So I asked him why he had changed his name to Raymond. When he figured out what I believed he had to set me straight.

I used to believe that God was holding earth and that he might drop it. I though so becuase of the song "He has got the whole world, in his hands!" I also tried to hold up the world by pulling on the grass.

I used to believe…

my mom used to tell me that before she was born she was a dog that used to belong to my dad.Now I don't believe
her!