religion

I used to believe…

When I was little, my mom told me God was watching me all the time. So I would spend a great deal of time just staring up at the sky waiting for a giant eyeball to open up out of it and look back at me.

I used to believe…

My not so nice stepsister told me when I was around 8 yrs old that the devil lived on the top bunk of my bunkbeds (I kept my stuffed animals and spare blankets up there. One day, some blankets must have been pulled over near the edge, and so they came down with a plop by themselves! I ran out screaming, more terrified than I'd ever been in my life. No amount of my parents' reassurance could convince me to go back in there for weeks!

I used to believe…

When I was little I thought that the little puff of smoke when a candle burns out was your prayer going up to heaven. I would delight in sitting in church watching all those prayers wafting silently up to God. Quite sweet I think.

I also used to pray that my mum could have a washing machine, since she said she wanted one and you're not supposed to pray for things for yourself. When she eventually got one I was quietly pleased that my prayers had been answered. Turns out it was Radio Rentals and not God who provided it. It's the thought that counts...

I used to think that the old folk hymn "Do, Lord" (do, Lord, oh do, Lord, oh do remember me...) was about a fairy called the "Dew Lord", and I couldn't figure out why he and Jesus were in the same song...

I used to believe…

when I was riding home from school to go to after school in 3rd grade, I said "OH MY GOD" and one lady said "Don't say that unless your asking God for something." So when I got home, I stood in front of the fan and asked God to turn it on. Of course it didn't. I feel so dumb...

I used to belive that the reason God and the devil were enemies was because when they were youger they were best - friends. they were playing catch and the ball went over the fence and God was to short to get it and the devil wouldn't get it and they starting hating each - other. But the devil was green and God looked like sleepy from the 7 dwarfs.

I used to believe…

When I was like 4-6 I thought God looked like sleepy of the seven dwarfs, and the devil was the evil witch from the Wizard of Oz. I used to talk to them in my head, and the witch was pretty cool, but after all, I didn't know much about the devil except that he was red.

I used to believe…

Well this isn't my misheard lyrics, but my sister's. When she was around 4, she was singing "Away In A Manger" at a Christmas party.
"Away in m-m-mary, no crib for a bear"
It's become a family favourite!

I used to believe…

This one belongs to my wife. When she was growing up her church sang a song that went,"Everyday I'm camping, in the land of Canaan. I'm camping, I'm camping, in Canaan's happy land." She thought it went,"Everyday I'm cramping in the land of Canaan. I'm cramping, I'm cramping, in Canaan's happy land." Which begs the questions: Why were they cramping and how could they be happy?

I had a belief about priests as well-- they had their own homes, which were like mini-churches. I believed for a long time that every Sunday after mass, the priest would take all the leftover communion home and eat it himself. Not only that, but he would also have to say "The Body of Christ... amen" before eating each wafer and "The Blood of Christ... amen" before taking each sip of wine! I thought that was in order to make it last all week and it was the only thing priests ever ate.

I used to believe a lot of things about church. One thing I used to think was that God literally LIVED in my church, but was invisible when anyone walked in for mass. When no one was in the church, he would eat communion at the altar, read the hymnals, take baths in the baptismal font, and basically live in the church like one would live in a house.

I also used this belief to think that the reason that so many bad things happened in the world because God would sleep on the pews, which are so uncomfortable that anyone who sleeps on them would be cranky in the morning!

I used to believe that when people get bapitized, their soul get snatched up by god into heaven. And what's left on earth are just puppets controlled by angels to keep me company until I get baptized. So when all my family except me were converted, I started wondering if I should join them in heaven or wait a few years. (after all, the puppets were perfectly good companies) My baptism was as disappointing as my first orgasm.

I used to believe…

My grandfather died and to explain it to me my mother told me he was living with Jesus. So one day she called a relative, and one of their grandkids answered the phone. My mother asked "Can I speak to Grandpa?" I had this stunned face and asked my mother... "You're calling Jesus?!"

I used to believe…

It's wonderfully comforting to find out I wasn't the only kid wondering who the heck these strange people were who kept cropping up in our prayers. In my Lutheran church we usually said the Apostle's creed during Sunday service. But on special Sundays we said the Nicene Creed. One line says "[he] ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of the Father; from thence he shall come again in glory to judge both the quick and the dead." But as a kid, I always thought the second part of that was "and Nancy shall come again in glory to judge both the quick and the dead", and I just couldn't figure out who Nancy was, or why she was so special that she was not only coming in glory but getting to do the judging as well!

I used to believe that if you didn't agree with a section of a prayer (if it was a group prayer at church or somthing), you could just open your eyes and it didn't count on your part.

I picked my daughter up from Catholic School one day and she told me the Mother Superior would be visiting the following day. I asked her "who is the Mother Superior" she replied "the mother of all mothers"

I used to believe…

when i was younger, mi father used to work late and had to spend a lot of time away from home. mi mother and i would go to church without him and i learnt that God was my father. so one day when my dad came home for saturday after work, he entered the house to find me concertrating hard on my skool work. he ruffeled my and said "isn't your hard working daddy going to get a hug?" and i replyed "no. you are not my dad! God is so there!". all i can say now is that my dad fainted from the shock of being insulted!

I thought they used to make the wafers for communion during the mass and that the oven was at the alter in the front of the church. When the priest would kneel down (which happens often right before the handing out of communion), I thought he was checking the oven to see if the wafers were done. I guess I grew up around too many cooks.

I used to believe…

Up until last year (2004, I'm now 22) I was absolutely convinced I was going to Hell.
You see, I was raised Catholic (now Lutheran, long story not for this site,) and when I had my First Holy Communion, I went to the altar in a group of five kids. The nun with us asked all of us if when we recieved and closed our eyes "Did you see the light of God for a second?"
Everyone siad they did. I hadn't, and connected this with having commited a sin between the confession they had us go the week before Communion, and therefore not having a "clean" soul. I was absoulutely terrified to say I didn't see it, so I lied and said I did, thus compounding the sin.
Of course, I was terrified to tell the priest at my next confession, thinking he'd scream "Oh, My God!" and throw me out of the church, thus the sin kept getting bigger.

A few years later, I was discussing the afterlife with my stepmother, and told her sadly..."I know where I'm going..." Then explained why. It took her five full minutes to stop laughing, and then she explained exactly why that was a load of hooey, and told me there were probably four other really scared kids that thought the same thing! I wonder if any of them posted to this site?
0:-D