religion

I was small (preschool) and couldn't see over the other adults, so I didn't know that there was a priest on the altar. I believed that the voice I heard was God.

I used to believe…

My mom used to tell me that in heaven you just have to snap your fingers and you would get whatever you wanted. Well at the time my favorite food was marshmallows, and to this day whenever i think about death or heaven, i picture a Marshmallow Land, with marshmallow floors and seats and to eat.

I used to believe "certain" (used as a verb) was an uber-secret religious ritual performed on reluctant shepherds. I knew this because it said so in the song. "The First Noel the Angels did say, was to certain poor shepherds in field where they lay."

I used to believe…

In the North of England my home was close to a Catholic Convent. Only the Mother Superior went outside the Wall. Was told that when little girls misbehaved that they were taken into the convent by the mother Superior in her long robe. She would catch and put them under it.
When nuns still wore the long black gowns I would cross the streets away from them if I saw one. (I was a good girl). Stayed with me for a long time.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, I thought God looked like Phil Donahue the talk show host. Except that I thought that God didn't wear glasses and always had on a white tuxedo and white patent leather shoes.

I used to believe…

When I was little, I thought Heaven was a serene peaceful place that was all white with soft light and a white fog covered the ground. There were people in white robes lying on the ground here and there but they would get up and step over each other to go to the bathroom.

I used to believe…

When me and my brother were little we used to want to go to midnight mass on christmas eve whereas my mum could never be bothered so to try to stop us she told us that "if we went to midnight mass then santa wont come here" that made up my mind quickly enough..santa was better than church any day

I used to believe…

As the lights dimmed before my brother's baptistism service, my little sister stood up on the pew and shouted, "When does the movie start!"

I used to think that when you prayed, you should bend your head and shut your eyes because God in all His glory actually came right into the room with you and if you peeked at all you would be blinded by his glory and beauty forever. I don't know how long it took me to figure out this wasn't true, but it was a major relief.

I used to believe that everyone had an invisible thread attached to the middle of their backs that came from a large ball of string that was kept in heaven. For some reason knowing this meant that whever I walked around anything - a building or a car or a room - I always walked back the opposite direction so that my string wouldnt snag on anything. It was only a small step from this to imagine that, when we died, Jesus would hold both ends of our string and, if it all pulled free without catching on anything, we would have earned ourselves a special place in heaven. Thankfully I now know this not to be strictly true.

I am not a big fan of big bodies of water. When I was little, I was told that Jesus was beat with Cat O Nine Tails. I belived that I went into the lake and touched one, it would split my hand to shreds. I didnt find out until I was 22! that "Cattails" were harmless and a totally different thing! I still won't go near them though!

I used to have to say the Lord's prayer everyday, but I would wonder where my daily bread was.

I used to believe…

in "deck the halls", where you say "don we now our gay apparel" (as in "now we put on our brightly colored clothes") i thought it was "dawn we now our day of Harold". My family wasnt very religious, and i figured that another name for christmas was St. Harold's Day.

I used to believe…

When I was young, I knew that God was an important person. I also noticed that a picture of a man with white hair seemed to be everywhere (schools, libraries, and even on money.) I thought "that guy must be important because his picture is everywhere, so that must be God." When I was a bit older I learned that it was George Washington. I still think it's funny that money says "in God we trust."

I went to church every Sunday my whole life because my dad was a preacher but still it did not occur to me until I was in 5th grade that there was no hymn called "Standing on the Last" - that was just what our music leader would say when he introduced each hymn so everyone would rise on the last verse.

I used to believe…

when i was little, i used to think that the clouds were heaven. one day i told my mom that i hope there are clouds in the sky when i die. she said why do you say that? i said so i don't have to go to hell. she laughed and explained it to me. we didn't go to church much and i thought that if there were clouds you go to heaven and if not you go to hell.