religion

I used to believe…

when i was in nursery school my mom was with me and i stopped and saw the rabbi walking down the hall and said look mom there is g-d i dont know if this happened but my mom insist that it did

I used to believe…

The nuns at my school talked about how the saints would watch over us as a way to help God. Well, while I was in church, I would gaze at the statues and meditate hoping that they would blink an eye or smile as a signal to me,... this went on for a couple of years, I finally gave up.

I used to believe…

when I was a little girl I used to think that in the prayer, "Our Father" it said, " lead a snot into temptation" I know now that its not and can laugh about it with my daughter in church when we say the prayer

I used to believe…

We used to drive past a cake shop that had a sign saying "God" and in smaller letters, "Have an affair with a caterer". It really puzzled me that God would say adultery was wrong and then make an exception for caterers, but I reasoned that He must really like cakes.

Much later, I realised the "God" was the street number of the shop: "600".

I used to believe…

When I was 5 or 6, I recall being taught in church about the dangers of drinking and how no one should drink. Nobody ever mentioned "alcohol", though, so I thought everyone was a sinner for needing to drink water.

I used to believe that EVERYTHING went to heaven when it died. I used to picture fluffy clouds taking wrecked cars up to heaven and be scared that they would be too heavy and fall on me!

I used to believe…

Until i was 10 I used to believe that Jesus was a Tortoise, sounds silly but i used to go to sunday school and every week they would say "jesus taught us...." so i lived with the belief that jesus was this really cool special tortoise!

I used to believe…

When I was about 5, when my great grandmother was alive. There were sewer drains and manholes all over the palce at her little "Home"... So my dad says the "MANAGER and his HELPERS" lived under manholes and sewer drains, and he said the "MANAGER" could handle any problem. I used to think it was the "Devil and his little demonic helpers" and I pictured him in my head from a show I think is called Labrynth or somthing... So, whenever i saw a manhole or sewer drain Id be so scared, I would cry... �Thank god hes not real�

I used to believe…

My mother was a proud supporter of the feminist movement in 70's era America. At the end of every prayer said at mass or in my classes, I would always shout "and a-woman too" in response to the amen said at the end of every prayer.

I used to believe that when they served communion at church, it was because the service was so long that they had to supply a snack for everyone. My parents finally explained the truth about communion to me after I boldly walked to the usher and grabbed a whole handful of the cracker/wafers. After all...I was hungry!

I used to believe…

When my husband was young and misbehaving, his mom would call THE DEVIL on him. In truth, she'd really call his dad up at work and he would do his best devil impersonation. But imagine how tramatizing this would be for a 3-year-old!

I always felt connected to Peter because I had a habit of inserting my foot into my mouth too, so when I was about 5 years old, I thought that if I practiced enough times in rain puddles, that I would be able to walk on water too.

I used to believe…

When I was little, there was a song called "Lord, Teach Us To Pray". I couldn't read and always thought the words were "with our pots and pans all busy in our private little homes". Years later when I could read, I realized the words were "with our hearts and hands all heavy in our private little wars".

I used to believe that priests had a sense of humor. When mass ended on that fateful Sunday morning and the congregation filed into line to be blessed by the priest, I put my hypothesis to the test. As I approached Father Nick, I pulled out my plastic toy gun and repeatedly fired it at him, yelling "stick um up!" and "BANG! BANG!" over and over. My first inclination that my assertion was completely false occurred when Father Nick screamed at my mother to get "that devil out of my church!". In case I had any doubts that this was a mistake, my mom spanked them out of me outside of the church entrance as the congregation filed past us. In hindsight, the lesson learned was priests may not enjoy pranks but God sure does.

I used to believe that there was a killer robot living in the janitor's closet in the basement of the church. My friend and I would find "clues" that fueled the belief, such as footprints and spots on the floor that looked like an oil leak.

I used to believe…

When I was about 6, I never really understood the song 'who built the ark'. It wasn't till I got older that I realised the words weren't "who built the ark, no one, no one, who built the ark, mother hubard built the ark" Don't ask me where she came from?!! Oh and I thought the words to 'My Girl' was actually 'Maggots'?!!!