religion

I used to believe God was sitting up on a cloud, wearing a blue suit and a red tie, and looking very much like a guy I had seen on t.v.

I used to believe…

When I was very young, my mother once told me the story of Jesus blessing the little children. I was a little upset that the little children all got to go see Jesus and I didn't. I figured it must have happened on the day that I was sick and the family went somewhere and left me at home.
For a long time, I wouldn't let them go anywhere - especially church - without me.

I used to believe…

As a small child, I learned in Sunday School that Christ was born in December and that he was crucified in late March or April. I was confused about how he managed to do so much in just four months.

I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but I went through a phase where I imagined God to look like the genie from the Disney movie of Aladdin, with Robin William's voice and all.
I was one odd child.

I used to believe…

When I was a little boy I used to believe that heaven was like a huge retirement center, with ping pong, dance classes, and bad cafeteria food. When I went on a plane ride I was saddened when I didn't see anything.

I remember hearing in church that we should follow in God's footsetps. Walking with my grandfather in the snow i asked him if i followed his footprints in the snow, was that the same thing.

I used to believe…

In CCD class, the teacher read the story of Jesus and the lepers. I, however, thought she was saying leopards. I could not understand WHY Jesus would have to CURE LEOPARDS and I definately understand WHAT He did to them to CURE them!
;-)

I used to believe…

When I was about 5, we were in church and the priest was talking about the "lamb of God" I recall laughing that God had a lamb...during the mass, I then realized I had a double-jointed thumb....I was terrified to tell anyone about my distorted thumb, thinking it was God punishing me, for laughing at the lamb.

I used to believe that if you talked after saying your bedtime prayers the prayers would be null and void and you would have to say them all over again.

I used to believe that when I died God would grant me one wish...and I was going to ask him to go all the different places in the universe.

I used to believe…

When I was little I believed that God, Jesus and Lord were living in sky. God took up one portion of the sky, Jesus took up another portion and Lord took up the remaining portion. That was how they managed to see everything that was going on in the world.

I used to believe…

One day I met a really old lady who had white hair, was wearing white clothes and was praying. I believed, and in fact announced to my mother, that I had met God that day.

I used to believe that if i threw something as high as i could into the air god would steal it.

I used to believe…

At first, I didn't understand how God could answer so many prayers from everyone in the world at the same time. I concluded that God must have a gigantic call center in Heaven (or perhaps in India?) where angels took people's prayers the way technical support people took calls. However, I realized that this didn't make sense because lots of times everybody is supposed to pray at the same time (such as during services). I thought that if you prayed during "off-peak periods" your prayer would be answered more quickly and you would be less likely to be put on "hold".

I was raised Catholic, and was clearly a feminist since at least 5 years old. There is a certain Catholic prayer that goes, "For our men and our salvation, He came down from heaven." For years, I thought salvation MUST mean women, because why would Jesus come only for our men?

I used to believe that God's name was Harold, because when we said the Lords Prayer at primary school, I thought it was 'Our Father who art in Heaven, Harold be thy name'