religion

I asked my mother one day,when i was very young, "mommy...where is God?" she said " he's everywhere honey". For many years after that...i imagined him, sort of Zeus looking, curly-haired and bearded, Surfing in Hawaii, sitting in a Cafe in Paris, all the time wearing sunglasses (he didnt want any one to know it was him...he was secret-agenty about it).

I used to believe in god as a person, like a humanoid being and he had magic powers and was friends with Jesus and the holyspirit and his enemy was the devil and if you wern't of a particular religion then this guy would not let you live forever.

I used to watch power rangers, and in the early episodes, there was a floating head in a tube that lead the power rangers. Well, I have no idea how I thought this, but I believed that was EXACTLY what God looked like. I was an odd child...

I used to believe…

When I was a kid my dad had an abstract picture. My brothers said that if you saw Jesus in it you were going to heaven and if you didn't you were going to hell. A lot of my friends saw Jesus in this picture, but I never did. When my Uncle (who drove the school bus) saw this abstarct piece of art he said "Where'd ya' get the picture of Jesus?" I knew then and there I was hell-bound.

I used to believe…

When I was a very small person, my fatehr used to teach me little songs. One of these songs was to the tune of "Onward Christian Soldiers" and I believed that the words my father taught me were the real words. The first time I was able to stand up and sing hymns in church, I jumped onto my seat and proudly belted out, "Lloyd George knew my father, father knew Lloyd George!! Lloyd George knew my father, father knew Lloyd George!!" over and over until the hymn was finished. My mother was horrifed but my father had to excuse himself becuase he was laughing so much.

I used to believe…

When I was little my sister used to play the guitar and sing what I thought was 'God is twirling in my heart' ('God is dwelling in my heart' is the correct lyric).... I would imagine God in a long robe twirling around in my chest.

I remember being told that priests had a direct line to God. In my head I imagined this to be some sort of microphone which was attached to them .
I often wanted to talk to God so after mass i'd go and stand behind the priest and try to talk to God. I didn't want the priest to hear so i'd go and stand close behind him and whisper very quietly in the hope that the 'God microphone' would pick up my transmission.

I used to believe…

My priest speaks with a pretty thick Texan accent, so until I was about 12, I thought Pontius Pilate's named was pronounced "Punch-us" Pilate. I thought that was a violent name, even for the guy who ordered Christ crucified.

I went to kindergarden in a Catholic school, and whenever the priest came to visit our class all the other kids would address him as Jesus. He'd sit down to read a story with us and there would be a chorus of children announcing "Hi Jesus!" He'd always blush and say "I'm not Jesus. I just try to do the things that he would do and follow him." It always made me laugh, because I felt like I was the only one with a good enough grasp on theology to distinguish a priest from Jesus.

I am now an old lady. My Mother or Father always said Grace at the dinner table. When I was a small child, my dad would always include in his prayer "Bless this food for its intended use" I always thought he was saying "Bless this food fritz and tenda juice" for the life of me I could not figure out what he was saying and wondered what he was talking about.
Altho I am old I think of this at least once a week, if not more.
It did take me a long time to figure out just what he meant. I now tell my grandchildren about this.

I used to believe…

Around Easter, my younger sister asked about the hot-crossed buns we saw in the grocery store. My mother explained that they were meant to represent the fact that Jesus had died on the cross. On Easter morning, my mother took some hot-crossed buns out of the oven and, just as we were preparing to enjoy them, my sister came tearing into the kitchen screaming:

"Don't eat those buns! Jesus died on those buns!"

I remember when I was about 8 I was singing "Deck the Halls" quite loudly at my grandmother's house. I replaced the lyrics "See the blazing yule before us," with "See the grazing mule before us." My family laughed and corrected me, but I assured them that they were wrong. After all, hadn't Mary ridden on a mule to Bethlehem, and, after such a long trip, wouldn't it be hungry?

I used to believe…

When I was a kid, I long thought there was a girl somehow associated with Christmas, named Jo Lisa Pan. I eventually found out that I got that idea from hearing my uncle sing "Oh, Christmas Tree" in French. The French words include, "Jolis sapins, comme ils sont doux!", which means, pretty fir trees, how sweet they are. The reference to fir trees is a more literal translation of the original German than in the English version, since "Tannenbaum" means fir tree. Anyhow, I was hearing "Jolis sapins" as Jo Lisa Pan. I had fond Christmas associations with that imagined character Jo Lisa Pan, and I sort of miss her, now that her very existence even as a fantasy has been debunked for me.

I used to believe…

In my Catholic church, when the priest holds up the bread in wine, bells ring. So I always thought that was god calling us. Then when i became an altar server I found out the truth, that we ring the bells.

You know whats sad? I became an altar server in 6th grade.

I used to believe…

All of my family is Baptist. As a child, any time my mother would decide to not do anything again, she would tell me that she was "giving it up for lent". It wasn't until I was 9 and met a Catholic that I realized that she wasn't referring to a trade with dryer fluff.

I used to believe…

When i was a little girl i had this dream: i was on like this (eek forgotten what you call the thing you put your shopping on and it moves) and i was an eg,this big guy with a beard(who i thought resemnled santa clause) was sitting watching it go buy and when it came to me i talked to him about being put on earth and if i was sure and saw a baby (me) in a big bubble.
so up till i was ten i thought that was how people came to earth and what re-incarnation was

I used to believe that Satan would take on the form of inanimate obejects and spy on us. I was always on the look out for new things in my house and once I was convinced that a new toy my parents brought home was Satan.

I used to believe…

When I was little I remmember saying to my mother in church 'gods name is Peter' she was curious to know why I thought this and I explained I knew because the congregation always said 'Thanks Peter god'