religion

I used to believe…

My family was not religious, but when I was four I asked my father if he believed in God or not. He answered, "I'm waiting to see the burning bush." For years I thought that God was a burning bush and that in order to believe, you had to have seen a bush on fire.

I did not come from a religious family, so I had no religious studies. I was also Canadian, so I didn't know what the amendments were, but had heard them mentioned a lot.

I always thought the commandments and the amendments were the same thing. So when someone said, "I plead the fifth" I figured they were talking about not stealing.
I never said anything, so was never corrected, and believed this up until teenagehood.

I used to believe…

When I was small, I used to believe that behind the altar at church where the priest used to stand was a sweet shop. I became very very jealous and when ever he bent down to kiss the bible, he'd be snaffling sweets from down below. Not surprising when you consider I thought communion was white chocolate buttons and I got really annoyed all my brothers got to have one but I had to wait till I was 8. Huh!

I used to believe…

As a little Jewish girl, I couldn't understand my Christian friends concept of Easter. They would say "The Son rises", and I would think, "So what, it rises every day!"

I used to believe that the catholic church I attended was very special to the pope. It was one of the only churches that were given permission to feed the congregation "the body of christ","the blood of christ" on Sundays. It's TRUE, and as you know the're very little Jesus to go around.

I used to believe…

When I was 4 or so I believed that the Holy Ghost was really a ghost. Every night I had this kind of vision of a door opening, leading to steps going down and the Holy Ghost, looking like one of the white sheet variety, would come floating up the steps

I used to believe that God sat on top of clouds. You couldn't see him if you were directly beneath a cloud, but if you ran to the end of a field you could view the cloud from an angle and maybe get a glimpse of him.

I used to believe…

My parents each had funny misconceptions about certain prayers:

My father was confused by the line "Our Father who art in Heaven". He thought it meant "... who *makes* art in Heaven". He would envision God up there, painting a picture at an easel.

My (Catholic) mother thought the line about how Christ "suffered under Pontius Pilate" was "suffered under a bunch of violets".

I grew up Catholic. At one mass, when the collection plate came around, I turned and asked my parents (very loudly) why everybody was throwing their money in the trash can. As I continued to demand an answer, I couldn't understand why they seemed so mad at me and kept telling me to be quiet-I just wanted to know.

I always thought "The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want" meant you had to put up with God, even if you didn't want to.
I figured "he maketh me lie down in green pastures" was kind of like when your parents made you go to bed early.

I thought that "Thou shalt not commit adultery" means you do not watch any movies which is only for adults, read adult books, talk about sex or possess adult materials. It is true that god detests those kind of things.

I used to think that if you didn't go to church or you weren't religous you would go straight down below thats what I called ever since I saw Hercules. But anyway I always tried to be on my best behavior.

I used to believe…

For about a month when I was four I went around telling people that God didn't exist because I said he had to bring my doll to life and he didn't. Stupid, i know. LOL Then for a while I thought my dad was Jesus because he had long hair and is Middle-eastern.

I use to believe that when you die you become an animal like a dog or a rabbit etc. That god would asign you a sertain amount of animals then were your done being an animal if you were good at being one you would edventally go to heaven!!

I used to believe…

A few years ago, I attended Catholic mass with my brother and father. My brother and I hadn't been brought up Catholic, so the rituals and hymns were all very new to us. When the congregation began to sing "Hosana in the highest", my brother whispered to me, "Are they saying 'Throw Osama in the fire'?"

I used to believe…

The grown-ups in my church had a strange prayer based on Matthew 6:9:

"Our Father, who aren't in heaven. How will it be Thy name?"

(If He aren't in heaven, where are He?)

I used to think that at communion time at church, the priest performed magic and made the Eucharist appear out of nowhere. I believed this for a long time until I saw them in bowls in the back before church started.

I used to believe…

When I was a kid, my church was big on the church calendar and the parts of Jesus's life -- like, in early December they would talk about Advent, when Mary and Joseph were traveling to Bethlehem, and then the end of December when he was born, and then they go fleeing from Herod, and then sometime in January you hear about him being a kid being about his father's business, etc. etc. until you get to Good Friday when he dies on the cross and Easter when he rises again. Anyway, for quite a few years I believed that Jesus was born on December 25 of some year (the year 0, presumably), and then grew to adulthood within the course of about four months, and was killed the next Easter.

It's fairly ridiculous, all right, but not any more ridiculous than a lot of other things they were trying to get us to believe...