religion

i used to think that the newly added tar to cover up cracks in the roads was gods hair! My mom had always told me that god was everywhere and everything and so i would freak out when my mom drove on the tar!

I used to believe…

the first time i saw a confession box, i clocked that it was about the size of a person (even though you couldn't see in), was in the dark, kinda spooky corners of the church and had a person's name over the door, and figured that that must be where they kept the dead bodies while they were waiting for the funeral! i used to sprint past them, cos i was petrafied that one was going to fall out on me.

I used to believe…

...that when people sang The Battle Hymn Of The Republic they were singing about a lady named Glory who "had a looyah". I didn't know what a looyah was, but I figured it must be important that Glory had one.

I used to believe…

On passover, my parents always told me to wait through the whole long service for the afikoman, which I was supposed to find after dinner. In reality this is a hidden piece of matzah, or unleavened bread, which tastes like an extremely stale cracker. But I used to believe that it must be a giant slab of chocolate, because no one in their right mind would sit for so long just to wait for some hidden matzah.

I used to believe…

"Bless us O Lord in these thy gifts which we are about to recieve from thy bounty through Christ our Lord amen."

My family recited this every day before dinner. However, my brother and sister and I all thought it was "Ruth Christ," not "through Christ," and that Ruth Christ was Jesus' sister, since they had the same last name :)

I used to believe…

When I lived with my dad, he told me to say my prayers every night before I go to bed. He meant EVERY night. And for the longest time I thought if I didn't say my prayers before I go to bed, then I would die in my sleep. So I actually did that EVERY night, until I lived with my mom and saw she didn't die when she didn't say her prayers.

I used to believe…

In our church, there was a hymn called "Onward Christian Soldiers." The next line of the song was "Marching As to War."
My mom loves to tell the story that when I was little I would sing "Onward Christian Soldiers, Marching through the Door." She claims I must have been a pacifist from an early age.

I used to believe…

When I was a little kid (3 or so) my mom and I listened to Buddy Holly all the time, so of course I knew who he was and all. Anyways I sang that christmas carol "Deck the Halls" as "Deck the halls with Buddy Holly"

so cute.

I thought that spending eternity in hell was something like spending years in jail.

I used to believe…

when i was at school (Catholic school)
we used say the Hail Mary. Hail Mary, full of grace, ect, ect. I thought it was 'Hairy Mary, full of Grapes'. I always wondered why the statues of Mary were not hairy and where the grapes were.

I used to believe…

When I was really young (less than 5 or 6) I always imagined God to be a guy with a helmet on. His helmet looked exactly like the helmet Shredder wears on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I only realized the resemblance a few months ago when they put the show back on the air. Interesting. ;)

I used to have dreams that God was a girl and that she was this big Nun in the sky. Then she would smile at me. This was the result in my mom telling me that God is watching us all the time.

I used to believe…

When I was little I believed that jesus' 12 deciples were called prostitutes. So imagine my older sisters face when I said 'Lauren, tell me about Jesus and his 12 prostitutes'

I used to believe…

Once a friend of mine told me about the reincarnation. To make it clear she gave me an egzample.For months I thought I will turn into the glass after I die.

I used to believe…

When my parents and I were praying to God, I thought they were saying:

"Our father who does art in heaven, Harold be thy name, thy kingdom come, I will be done with dressings made in heaven. Give us our jelly bread and forgive us our trash baskets and forgive us who put trash bags among us. Lead us not into Penn Station but deliver us some e-mail."

I used to believe…

After I heard that Santa did not exist, I believed that once I got older, my parents would tell me God did not exist either. I thought I should stop believing in God then, just to be ahead of the game.