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My grandfather was a pastor and when I was 2 I thought he was God because he was always up at the front and had a booming voice.
When I was little my family was Catholic. We went to church on Sundays and celebrated the usual holidays. I was too young to understand any of it, so I came up with some weird impressions of what was Catholic and wasn't.
My grandmother was probably the most religious person in the family. I stayed with her a lot during summers when my parents were working. She had pictures and statues of The Virgin Mary in various places around her house. She had a massive vanity full of make-up and bottles of perfume. Every morning, she put Oil of Olay lotion on her face. Because of the way the illustration of the woman's face on the bottle resembled a woman wearing a veil, I believed that Oil of Olay lotion was a lotion The Virgin Mary manufactured in heaven. I thought my grandmother had to be an extremely special person because she used it. When she told me not to touch her lotion, I thought it was because I hadn't had my First Communion yet. I also thought something was wrong with my mother because she used Jergens lotion. I thought it was because my family wasn't as religious as my grandmother. I used to sneak dabs of the Oil of Olay, spread it on my face, and close my eyes...waiting for some kind of holy message.
My grandmother when I was four that if I whistled it would make the Virgin Mary cry.
I used to think that Cain and Able were brother and sister (with Able being the girl).
When my aunt was little, a priest asked her in her christening how many gods there are. Her answer was five: the father, the son, the holy ghost, baby Jesus and the virgin Mary.
I thought the Holy Ghost was the ghost of the Virgin Mary.
When my mom was little, she used to believe that God lived in down the bathtub drain. He had jet black hair and wore skin tight black pants and a tight yellow t-shirt. He was also like a genie and had a tail at the end. Go figure
I used to believe that when you could actually see the sun beams in the sky, that Jesus was coming to take us all. I always saw the sunbeams in the pictures with Jesus in them and I was terrified of sunsets where they showed up because I was sure I was going to die.
Mum used to believe there were men, women and nuns and nuns used to have wheels under their habits!
As a little kid, I believed that the Charlie Dandiels song "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" was about a real event, but too current to have been written about in the Bible. So, one sunday, I asked our preacher about it during the greeting time between sundayschool and church and he explained that it could be possible, but was most likely just a song.
Severial years later, I made a friend who's dad is a preacher and mentioned this to him. We had an interresting conversation that expanded on the possibility, but improbability of the song. Though I no longer believe it to have actually taken place, the fact that 2 preachers from different denomonations were willing to consider it a possibility is something I've always found interresting.
When I was small my parents gave me a savings account at the bank and I used to put away part of my Christmas money every year and watch the interest added up on the book. Just after I learned to read I saw a sign that read. "Jesus Saves!" Thereafter I believed that Jesus also had a savings passbook and collected interest regularly. I can distinctly remember walking up to the bank teller to deposit some Christmas money and when she had noted the addition to my savings account and handed me my passbook I gleefully said, "Jesus saves!" It felt so good to be doing my Christian duty by saving money. This rite was mine until I was ten years old.
When I was young I hated wearing shoes, my mom used to tell us if we went to bed with our feet dirty the devil will come tickle our feet. One night I woke up yelling and screaming cause I didn't wash my feet and fell asleep. Thought the devil was coming but then my mother told me the truth since it just the dog licking my feet.
I used to believe the reason St. Peter crucified was upside down was because the arm parts of the cross broke off.
When I was about 9 My Uncle told me "God is just." I would get upset, asking him to finish his sentence "Just what?!" Since I only knew on definition of 'just'.
He always laughed at my frustration.
When I was younger, my dad always told me God was eternal. Not knowing what "eternal" meant, I thought he said, "God is a turtle." So now, even to this day, I imagine God as a turtle.
I used to believe that the only thing that differentiated Jesus from God is that Jesus had brown hair and a beard and God had black hair in a beard. I also belived that John the Baptist probably looked a lot like my Uncle Steve.
I was in Bible study and my friend Lena asked "Was Jesus Jewish? I didn't know that". And she was 35! Doesn't the Catholic teach anything right?
I used to think it was an article of faith that Jesus never cried when he was a baby. I got this from that line in "Away in a Manger" - "But little Lord Jesus no crying he makes".
When I was little my mum told me Jesus was a real person, I thought she meant is somebody walking around- specificly, I decided Jesus was my Sunday school teacher!
When I was little I though "A Cross" was a mud/tar pit and that Jesus drowned.