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My 4 year old cousin recently asked us if Jesus is a man or a woman. We all guessed that the long hair, the beard and the robe made him doubt on everything that he already knew about boys and girls.
I used to picture God as a giant transparent poodle after seeing "All dogs go to heaven".
I thought God looked a little like Newman from Seinfeld
I made my first communion when I was eight. In the catechism classes we had to prepare us for it, the teachers told us that once we took communion, Jesus would live inside us forever.
So when I got home after the Mass and was just sitting around waiting for my aunts and uncles to arrive for my communion party, I was amazed to see that the skin on my chest was moving up and down slightly as if being hit from the inside. Really it was just my heart beating, but I had never noticed it before and I thought it was Jesus inside me, kicking me to let me know he was in there!
When I was young I was shopping in London with my mum and we saw the actor Robert Powell. Knowing I wouldn't know his name my mum said "Look there's Jesus!". So I did what anyone would do in Jesus' presence and got on my knees.
I used to think that Jesus was English. It made sense to me at the time because Mary and Joseph are English names. Well, Joseph is a Jewish name but he wasn't Jesus' father. God was! He isn't Jewish...Don't even look Jewish...
God is Church Of England. Her Majesty the Queen's church!
When my goldfish died we flushed it down the toilet and my mum said that it had gone to heaven. So i said God lives in heaven and she said yes. So from then on i believed that God lived down the LOO!
When i was little i used to think of God as a tall guy, dressed in red robes and a red turban(why red?) with a big nose and a real serious expression and when rain came it was God taking a shower and during a thunderstorm him and his angels were running around playing football with the Sun, that's why it's so dark. What an imagination!
When I was little and learned the Apostle's Creed, I thought "Pontius Pilate" meant an evil and insane pilot (as in "suffered under Pontius Pilate"). I got this idea because of TV commercials for the movie "North by Northwest," in which Gregory Peck was being buzzed by an airplane and running away from it. I thought some crazy pilot did the same thing to Jesus.
Not mine, but my brother's-
My young brother, when told he was a child of Jesus, began to look terrified and started to panic. When we asked what was wrong, he wailed 'No child of see-sus! I mommy's child!'
Suprisingly, our pastor was the first to laugh.
When I was little I used to believe that people had to ask god's permission before they could use fireworks because they would be disturbing the people in heaven.
When I was a little girl, my parents explained to me that Jesus was everywhere. So, at night, I used to sleep in a little ball at the corner of my bed so Jesus would have room to roll over.
My CCD teacher always talked about "letting Jesus into the room in your heart". My parents never really raised me Catholic, and I never really thought religiously, so I would go home wondering about rooms in my heart, which I never thought about as this wondrous emotional thing, more as a mass of beating organ...and how it was furnished and the fact that there was a door on my heart, and why the hell Jesus was allowed in there??? I didn't tell him he could go in....
I was told that God made everyone so I used to think that the lines on our palms, wrists, where our elbows and knees fold, etc. were the stitches left behind after God sewed us together.
As kids, my cousin and I once put the watering hose in a hole in the ground and thought we could kill the devil by puting hell's fire out.
When I was younger, my best friend told me that anything you say after the word "holy" was what you were calling God. So if you said "holy cow", you were calling God a cow. Growing up a Christian, I didn't want God to think I thought badly of him. So I'd refrain from ever saying the word "holy." It wasn't till my teenage years when I had started to use that word again.
Up until I was about 9, I thought all the snakes were the devils children because satan was a snake during the story of Adam and Eve. So I would always catch the snakes and talk to them so when they saw "dad" (aka:the devil) that just incase I didn't get to heaven the devil would somehow be nicer to me than everybody else because I was friends with his "kids".
I used to believe that the reason we celebrated Jesus's birthday was because he was born on Christmas day. I didn't get the fact that Jesus's birth made it Christmas, I just thought the reason people prayed to him and celebrated him and sang to him and all the rest of it was because he happened to have been born at Christmas. This used to puzzle me because I knew another boy who's birthday was on Christmas day, and I wondered why people didn't also praise HIM, pray to HIM make him an idol etc like they did with Jesus, even though he also had been born on the special day of Christmas.
I was told that "God made everybody". I would sit in church with my family on Sundays and get a vivid mental image of God standing in my kitchen with a frying pan on the stove... getting ready to "make people". I knew the first ingredient would have to be a pat of butter, so the people wouldn't stick to the pan... but could never quite figure out any of the other ingredients He would use to make us.
When I was young, I was fond of using "I swear to God", as it was commonly used at school. Then my parents told me that this was "using the Lord's name in vain" and that this was very bad. Having been told how powerful God was by my friends at school (I didn't go to church, but they did), I refrained from even THINKING the words "I swear to God", because I was terrified he was going to smite me. This carried on for a couple of years, until I finally realized that the other kids had continued saying it and God didn't fry them.