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I was convinced I knew why there were no dinosaurs.
- On Noah's Ark - when they were desperate for food and thought to eat the largest animals first, they ate them all. Then they were too ashamed to include that part of the story.
When I was little I attended sunday school regularly, so I knew God sat in heaven and Jesus sat at his right hand. Wile trying to figure out how Santa, just as great as the above mentioned fit into the mix, I decided he must have sat at Gods left hand.
I used to believe that weathermen would get in a rocket with a scroll in hand, and fly up to Heaven to ask God what the weather would be like for the week. Then they would write it down and come back to Earth to report it.
When I lost my balloon and it flew into a sky. I thought it was because God was bored and wanted to play with my balloon.
When we said the pledge of Allegiance, I used to think we were "One nation, under God, Invisible". I thought that God was like and invisibility cloak and God just layed over the country so no one else could see us.
I used to believe guardian angels came down to the babies they were supposed to protect through sunbeams. I think I got this idea from a coloring book of all things. I still smile anytime I see a sunbeam poking through the clouds.
When I was 5, my cousins told me when it rains and the sun is shining at the same time, that meant the devil was beating up his wife
I used to believe everyone on earth was a doll, and god was our child that played with us like we were in his doll house!
When I was little, I used to believe that Jesus Christ had to be a dead ringer for Humphrey Bogart. We had a small black and white t.v. that only got two channels, and I would often watch old movies on it. Humphrey Bogart seemed like the opitomy of grace and class and I thought that this Christ guy I kept hearing about had to look and act like him if he was anyone worth my time. Then I saw a picture of Christ's face on a pamphlet at the dentist's office and was very confused to find out that with his long hair, he looked a lot like many of my parent's friends.
At some point in my childhood, the subject of Henry VIII came up, along with the fact that he had some of his wives beheaded. I asked my mother why, and she said -- without providing any other context -- "Because he was Catholic". It's important to note here that my mother was not some kind of raving anti-Catholic bigot, she just somehow neglected to take into account that my brain at that stage of development was incapable of grasping the historical context of the Catholic church, its policies on divorce at the time, and all the other political factors involved. In any case, I subsequently spent a portion of my childhood believing that Catholics were horrible, scary people who cut their wives' heads off.
I used to think God looked like the genie from Aladdin.
My mother always told me that you had to be married to have children. So I just assumed that God and Mary were divorced; she had just left him for Joseph.
When I was little we lived in a little house with a big backyard. When the minister at our church told us that Jesus was always with me, I figured that if He lived in our house I'd have seen Him, so He must live in our backyard. There was one corner where we were all afraid to go (even the dog) because there was a wasp's nest, so I decided that that must be where Jesus lived, since even wasps wouldn't sting Jesus. I believed this for years.
When I was young I used to think that there was a big man who lived in the sky listening to my most personal thoughts and feelings, who cared deeply about my hopes and fears, and who would listen to my requests, granting only those which were good for me.
When I was younger I thought that red and black were the colors of the devil. I was 'safe' from the devil as long as I kept my red and black markers and crayons seperated. My parents went to Texas Tech tho-- where their colors are red and black--and oddly enough I was never scared or worried about the devil when I was at a Tech game or wearing one of the shirts :)
I used to believe that I had the power to make God unhappy not only by what I did but what I was. In order not to bring too much attention on myself , I figured out I wouldn't bring his wrath(God was a He) on me if I was very good. Being very good would keep him in a good mood.
I used to believe that rain meant God was crying, and thunder was when God was bowling.
I used to think that thunder was when God was moving furniture and lighning was when he was in a battle
When I was 4 I told my mom I didn't want to be a Christian because when my Sunday school teacher said Jesus would be in your heart, I thought he would literally be inside of me, so I would be all lumpy. I didn't want to be lumpy. Today I am a Christian.
I used to believe that Jesus was Catholic and Portuguese. I was probably 12 when my Orthodox Jewish neighbors explained to me that he was neither Catholic or Portuguese. I ran home crying to my mom telling her what the neighbors next door were telling me and she sat me down and explained to me that this was the truth.