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I used to have an irrational fear of devils and Hell and death. I was terrified of the color red, thinking it would open some portal into Hell. (For example, I had a red nightstand in my room, and I couldn't look at it at night, thinking it would summon the devil.) When we moved to Florida, the song "Devil Went Down to Georgia" was popular, and I was sure he'd come get me. I prayed several times a night and wouldn't move my lips for fear the devil was watching and would read my lips and harm the people I was asking God to bless. My Dad then told me that the devil can look like anyone -- he can take on the shape of anyone or anything you know. The only way to tell that it's the devil is that one part of his body would be an animal's (i.e., he'd look exactly like my dad, but have one hoof). Until I was 12 or so, I scrutinized everyone I saw -- looking for animal parts -- fearful they were the devil in disguise, coming to kill me. I was a nervous child.
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Originally I thought that God lived on top of the clouds. The Care Bears changed that! They lived on top of the clouds so, God must live in space among the stars or on the moon.
Before religious training I believed that heaven was in the sky above the clouds, and hell was underground. If you dug deep enough you could find the devil. It was easier to understand then then it is now.
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My Dad used to always say "Born in a barn" if I left the door open. I believed this to be true and told all my friends I had been born in a barn like Jesus.
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I used to believe that Satan travelled in a hot air balloon because I was told that he could see everything, so I presumed he was high up. Still don't know why he used a hot air balloon and not an airplane!!!
I beleived that when you sneezed there was a hole in your soul for that moment which the devil could get through and that was why you had to say "god bless you" so that god could come and fight him.
I used to think no one built the ark because I confused it with Noah.
My first exposure to the concept of God was when my parents informed me of a big, all-powerful Dog (God backwards, get it?) that lived in the sky. I believed this for a little while, at least.
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I had seen movies (and cartoons?) where the villian would tie some victim to the railroad tracks. Then, I heard that Jesus had died on "the cross". In my young mind, I combined those two pieces of information into the conclusion that Jesus died by being tied down at a railroad "cross"ing.
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When I was around five my grandmother read me a Bible story, the one about the garden of Eden and all that Jazz. Unfortuantely, she had a very hard to understand Ukranian accent and I couldn't understand her for the most part. As a result, I walked away from the story under the impression that both snakes and apples were evil, and refused to eat apples from that day until I grew a brain.
This may be an urban myth my Dad foistered upon me...but he swears that when he was a kid he loved the bible stories and hymns because of all the animals. You know, the story about Jonah and the Fish...the Talking Donkey...and especially that one hymn about "Gladly, The Cross-Eyed Bear"...
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When I was a young lad I used to believe that Jesus's last name was Murphy. I would hear my father saying it all the time "Jesus H. Murphy". Needless to say this belief ended with a conference between my Sunday School teacher and my parents.
In my youth, I envisioned god to be shaped like a diaper with a bearded face on it. I didn't associate his shape with diapers, that's just the best way to descirbe it. I can't even begin to imagine where I got that idea from.
In elementary school, some friends and I found a sprinkler with the head removed. We decided that the small hole with a bit of water in it would let the 'devil' escape from hell. So we shoved dirt, grass, rocks, broken glass (!), and whatever else in it to keep the devil from escaping. Hope no one was around when those sprinklers were turned on!
I thought the Statue of Liberty was god.
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My daughter once asked if God was short for Godfrey
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I used to believe that Jesus and his disciples must have had very smelly feet... because the Bible always talked about how they had their feet washed when they went into people's houses.
I used to believe when jesus was crucified it meant he was dunked in smelly oils and flowers. And that he went to hell for 3 days because the devil wanted to eat him, and he tasted bad because of the oils, so on the third day he rose again. and when he assended into heaven i thought God's hand reached down and picked him up
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I never questioned that Jesus was from anywhere else but England! - when my Dad told me otherwise I couldn't believe that someone as imprtant as Jesus could be a foreigner
On his first airplane ride, from 20,000 feet above the clouds, my nine-year-old brother looked out the window intently, then asked my mother if we could see God from there.
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