i used to believe

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I used to believe that everyone whose name was biblical would inevitably play out the life story of his or her namesake. Since my name is Sarah, I was convinced that I would marry a man named Abraham and have a son named Isaac. I was very upset that my parents named me after someone who had laughed at God, so around age 5 I apologized to God in advance. Also, my sister Amie was born that year, and I envied her for not being doomed to the fate of any biblical character.

Sarah
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My mother, a kindergarten teacher, asked a kid in class to explain his drawing: a nativity scene inside an airplane. He said it showed Mary and Joseph on The Flight to Egypt. And the guy in the cockpit was Pontius the Pilot.

Zachary
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My sister used to get very confused at Christmas. She thought the Virgin Mary was actually the vegetarian Mary. She couldn't understand what was so special about this. She even sang all the carols like this i.e The vegetarian mother and child.

Hannah
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When I was a kid, I thought all bishops moved diagonally.

Matt Maiorano
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My family used to tell me that everyone had a piece of Jesus in their hearts. I was certain that I got the foot, and often wondered who got the genitalia.

Apologetic for the Perversions
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Back in the day when I was a little kid I used to believe that Satan was under the ground we all walked on. So, I figured since he's doing evil things to people, might as well give some pay back by just stomping on the ground.

Jodie S.
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I used to believe that God looked like the genie from Aladdin, except that he was so big that he actually surround the whole earth and that is why the sky looked blue - it was actually just god's belly.

Anon
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When I was about six or seven years old, I came to the sudden realization that maybe God DIDN'T look like the man that was on the Pringles can. I had always imagined him with that horrible comb-over and mustache.

Lauryn
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I live in Bethlehem and there's a mountain right by my house that has the bethlehem star on it, when I was maybe 3 my cousin pointed to the star and said that's where jesus was born but I thought she was pointing to the street lamp across the street so until I was prob. eight I thought jesus was born in a street lamp!

Rachel Lied To Me.
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Until I was 8, I thought Jesus was a woman. They told me he was nice and kind to people. I didn't know any men like that.

Roger Cooke
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When I was little during a discussion about god with my mother she told me that "god is everywhere"

I became extremely concerned and asked her, "so if I step on the grass do I hurt god?"

Rachel
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I used to believe that Jesus lived in the bathtub drain in my parents' bathroom.

No reason why. I guess he liked it.

Arin
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We live in the city and when my son was about 7, the sirens around the city went off for their monthly tests to make sure they were all working. "This is a test of the severe weather alert...this is just a test", well my son was outside playing when it went off and ran inside the house and told me and my husband that "God was talking outside", it was the cutest thing ever.

Jacquelyn A
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That nuns had no feet. I lived next door to a convent and as a 4 or 5 year old, when they walked by my house in their flowing black habits, they all seemed to be floating past, not walking like other people did.

Pauline
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I used to believe that black and white animals i.e, pandas, penguins, zebras, white tigers, etc. were the ones God had forgotten to color in his coloring book.

Kay
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When I lost my balloon and it flew into a sky. I thought it was because God was bored and wanted to play with my balloon.

Pierre
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I used to believe that the Pope lived in an aeroplane. Because whenever you saw him on TV he was getting out of an aeroplane. I even drew a picture of the aeroplane in my First Communion book under the heading "where the Pope lives" and none of the nuns at school bothered to correct me.

Caroline
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Before I was born my parents had a "painter" paint a mural in my room of angels. For some reason this marvelous painter painted a bunch of little angels with 6 fingers on each hand. As I grew up I thought it was a common known fact that all Angels had 6 fingers.

Nivia
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I was brought up as a Catholic so I completely believed that because Eve was made from one of Adam's ribs that women had one more set of ribs then men do. I believed this until my wife and I were getting an ultrasound of our triplets and the technician said she could not get a good enough picture to tell if one of the babys was a boy or a girl. Since we could clearly see the ribs I asked her why she didn't just count them to tell the sex of the baby. When she realized I was serious she started to laugh uncontrollably.

Rob
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when i was about 6 and my family was still quite catholic, my mum told me about how "God is always with you," and that sort of thing. i took this very literally, and believed that god was hiding under my bed. so rather than checking the bed or the wardrobe for monsters before bedtime, i checked to see if god was there

theologically confused bob
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