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I was brought up Catholic and attended Catechism when I was very young. Anyway, when I was about six or seven years old our teacher told us that we always had to be good because God was EVERYWHERE watching us. She said it in that ominous tone of voice that grown-ups use when they're trying to drive a point home.
This terrified me. I had visions of God watching me go to the bathroom, getting dressed, taking a shower, etc. I decided I was going to have to start hiding from him so I started changing my clothes in my closet. One day my mom caught me and asked me what I was doing and when I explained to her what I was told she told me, "God saw you naked when you were first born, He doesn't care. Now come out of there and get dressed." After that, I didn't have a problem. Of course, now I'm a grown up and I have since stopped believing in the Catholic Church and I'm on the fence about God.
I used to believe that Satan travelled in a hot air balloon because I was told that he could see everything, so I presumed he was high up. Still don't know why he used a hot air balloon and not an airplane!!!
Born and raised Catholic with Mexican parents, my Mom never used the x-mas tree but the Nativity Scene. She told me that the 3 Wisemen will start walking towards Baby Jesus after Dec 25th to get there on Jan 6th. So I used to believe that the actually moved overnight and everymorning I would measured how much they moved the night before.
When my cousin was younger she went to Sunday school for the first time. She had a lot of fun and just had to tell her dad about everything she learned. Imagen his embarrassment when she proudly exclaimed "I LEARNED ALL ABOUT THE JEWS AND GENITALS!"
i used to beleve jesus was my moms ex-husbend.
I used to think that when my parents and everyone else at church told me that Jesus loved me, that it was romantic love. I was afraid to go to church because I didn't feel the same way and didn't want to hurt Jesus's feelings.
I thought god looked like the face on the play-doh can!
In grade five I believed that 'virgin' was synonomous with 'a kind person', like the Virgin Mary. I couldn't understand the shrieks of my classmates when I exclaimed in an argument that I wasn't *always* a virgin!
When I was small my parents gave me a savings account at the bank and I used to put away part of my Christmas money every year and watch the interest added up on the book. Just after I learned to read I saw a sign that read. "Jesus Saves!" Thereafter I believed that Jesus also had a savings passbook and collected interest regularly. I can distinctly remember walking up to the bank teller to deposit some Christmas money and when she had noted the addition to my savings account and handed me my passbook I gleefully said, "Jesus saves!" It felt so good to be doing my Christian duty by saving money. This rite was mine until I was ten years old.
I used to believe that the Jesus on the Crucifixes was the real Jesus that had shrunk somehow. I would always try to feed it little bits of food because he looked really hungry and nobody ever fed him.
At one time, I believed that Satan's true form was that demonic dog from Looney Toons (the red one with the powerful voice and horns.)
when i was a kid, i saw a TV special about the US Marines stunt pilot team, the "Blue Angels", who flew F-18 fighter jets.
Because they were called "Blue Angels", i assumed that the fighter jets were, literally, "Angels", like the ones in the Bible. I had seen pictures of traditional angels in Sunday school, but i assumed that they had changed their form over the years and now looked like jets.
When i learned about the Biblical "rapture", i pictured jet fighters growing gangly cartoonish arms and swooping down from the sky to grab Christians and wisk them away to heaven.
I used to think God was Captain Planet.
My little brother was learning the Lord's prayer for his First Communion, and misheard the "hallowed be thy name" part as "Howard be thy name". Our school bus driver was named Howard. He told me later that he used to feel sorry for all the other kids who weren't lucky enough to have God driving them to school like we did.
When I was around five my grandmother read me a Bible story, the one about the garden of Eden and all that Jazz. Unfortuantely, she had a very hard to understand Ukranian accent and I couldn't understand her for the most part. As a result, I walked away from the story under the impression that both snakes and apples were evil, and refused to eat apples from that day until I grew a brain.
When my family goes to New Hampshire to visit my grandma, we often go to a town called Bethlehem to shop. I used think Jesus was born in New Hampshire!
My mother told us we came from heaven. At about 5 or so, I said, "Jesus must've looked all over heaven to find me a brother that matches me."
I used to believe that Jesus and his disciples must have had very smelly feet... because the Bible always talked about how they had their feet washed when they went into people's houses.
When I was a young lad I used to believe that Jesus's last name was Murphy. I would hear my father saying it all the time "Jesus H. Murphy". Needless to say this belief ended with a conference between my Sunday School teacher and my parents.
The two people in the Garden Of Eden were named "Adamandeve" and "Eve"