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When I was very young, my older sister tried explaining to me about God and what he does.
She told me that God was like a magician and that He created me...
I then of course imagined for years that God was a stage magician with a black top hat, a black curly mustache, a wand, and a long cape...
I imagined Heaven to be a big magic show in which God pulled babies out of hats much like magicians do with rabbits
My daughter went to sunday school fpor the first time when she was about 3. She came home with a picture with some odder than usual looking shapes on it. When I asked her what they were she told me they were 'cheeses'. I thought this was a strange thing to draw a sunday school but further questioning revealed she was supposed to draw 'Jesus' but had misunderstood.
When I was little I attended a religious kindergarten..Everyday our teachers would sing a song and play the piano and call it "One of God's songs" ..so one day at home my mom overheard my friend tell me that he should be able to play with a certain toy of mine because "God made it, he makes everything".. and I replied "No he does NOT..all God does is write piano music!"
My last name is Carpenter. I used to really believe I was related to Jesus. I even quoted verses in the bible where it said that Jesus was a "carpenter".
i used to belive that when it rained god was peeing and when it thundered he was farting!!!
I used to think that the sky was blue because God, a handsome, toga wearing, blonde man in his 20's, would get all the animals in the forest to stand one by one on each others' shoulders and hold up a piece of blue construction paper. Obviously, night was black construction paper.
I used to believe that Jesus was crucified in Pantasaph near my home town in North Wales. I was always fascinated by his ability to talk in tongues as that was obviously why no-one referred directly to him speaking Welsh.
One time in Sunday School, my teacher told me that Jesus was always with us. I asked if he lived down the street from me then, and the teacher answered, "Yes of course, he is everywhere." When I went home that night I confused the crap out of my parents when I kept on wanting to go to the neighbors house to see Jesus.
This iz really weird, but when I was little, I thought God looked like Inspector Gadget with a surgical mask on. I have NO clue why!
I was told that God lived in my heart. I used to picture a little man walking around my heart like a house. Just hanging out there.
As I was growing up my grandfather loved to eat ice.So one day I asked him why did he love to eat ice all the time. He told me that because if he then he wont go to the devil because he will be to cold.I actually believed this until I was well in my teens.
I used to believe that Jesus was born on Christmas (December 25th) and died on Easter, and was really, REALLY busy getting all the stuff in the Bible done in the 100-150 days between the two!
It wasn't for quite a while that I realized that he lived a little bit longer than from Christmas to the next Easter Sunday!
When I was really young the Bee Gee's were HUGE. After seeing Andy Gibb in a video, complete with long hair and beard, I thought he was Jesus. I asked my mom if he was Jesus and she vehemently insisted he wasn't. I didn't beleive my mom cause I always thought Jesus was cool and if he wanted to be in a musical group he could be.
I used to believe that God and Santa were the same thing. They both see you when you're sleeping and know when you're awake, they know if you've been bad or good, you ask them for things and sometimes you get them, and they both live somewhere up high but nobody ever sees them. So when I was first introduced to the concept of God in Kindergarten, I thought I had to structure my prayers like a letter including my name, address, and telephone number at the end of each prayer.
at school we was taught that god lived 'above us' i lived in an apartment at the time and i use to believe the man on the floor above was god and i used to shout my prayers so he could hear me.
In my pre-school years, I believed I was in a story book that God was looking at. A new day would dawn when the He turned the page.
I believed very literally my sunday school teaching that "God knows you so well, He even knows the number of hairs on your head." So, every time I brushed my hair and some hairs came out on the brush, I would silently apologize to God for giving Him something else to have to keep track of, given all the more important things He had to do...
When I was little my family was Catholic. We went to church on Sundays and celebrated the usual holidays. I was too young to understand any of it, so I came up with some weird impressions of what was Catholic and wasn't.
My grandmother was probably the most religious person in the family. I stayed with her a lot during summers when my parents were working. She had pictures and statues of The Virgin Mary in various places around her house. She had a massive vanity full of make-up and bottles of perfume. Every morning, she put Oil of Olay lotion on her face. Because of the way the illustration of the woman's face on the bottle resembled a woman wearing a veil, I believed that Oil of Olay lotion was a lotion The Virgin Mary manufactured in heaven. I thought my grandmother had to be an extremely special person because she used it. When she told me not to touch her lotion, I thought it was because I hadn't had my First Communion yet. I also thought something was wrong with my mother because she used Jergens lotion. I thought it was because my family wasn't as religious as my grandmother. I used to sneak dabs of the Oil of Olay, spread it on my face, and close my eyes...waiting for some kind of holy message.
I attended a convent from ages 6-10. One day, when i was 7 one of the nuns was showing us a video about jesus. We got to the part where baby jesus was laid out on a table, surrounded by bearded men, on wielding a knife. As it dramatically flashed across the screen, accompanied by a piercing cry and followed by the baby jesus sobbing his guts out. I, distressed, asked the nun what they were doing to the poor little baby. She told me they were carving a "J" in his leg for jesus.
Outraged at this shoddy treatment, i told everyone i met about this travesty for years, until someone filled me in on the practice of circumcision.
When I was little, I used to think God looked like a Bearenstein bear -- like papa bear, and that Jesus looked like brother bear. I don't know where I got this impression, somehow a crossover of two different literatures I was exposed to as a child. But for a long time when I heard "God," I'd think of a two-dimensional brown bear with a hat and overalls.