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I used to think juice was called jewish
After drinking the wine, our priest would kneel below the altar as usual. When I was five, I thought that the priest was "disappearing" under the table to spit the wine out because it tastes fuckin' horrible.
I also thought that the wine which is constantly spat everyday would help to deteriorate the church, and that this was the true meaning of christianity.
When I was 8 and having my first communion, my mom put a white veil on me and I protested, saying "But this is for marrying. I'm not getting married."
Mom said "You're marrying God." Now I realize she just mean that this would make me closer to god but at the time it sounded awful. I got so upset and started crying saying "I don't wanna marry God." I thought that first communion meant you really actually married God, and you never got to fall in love with anyone else.
When I was a little kid I though that the idea of hell was very satisfying, I legitimately wanted to go to hell. Actually, I was so obsessed with Satan and hell that I would draw pictures of hell, and listen to slayer. I look back at my weird self and laugh, but in all actuality, a kid who is a satanist is pretty rad.
I read a book about different religions. When it talked about Christianity, it said "Baptists are Christians." I had heard that my family was Christian when I mentioned Christmas. I used to believe that the book meant all Christians were Baptists, and that my family and I were also Baptist. We were actually Methodist.
My mom always likes to tell this one particular story from when I was young. In the Catholic Church, during the prayer for the Eucharist, they have someone ring bells at each step of the way to signify that the priest is blessing the bread and the wine. I never really knew this was the reason myself until recently. Well, there was one time when my mom took little me to Church with her, and as soon as I heard the bells, I shouted out, "The ice cream man!" Thankfully, people laughed it off rather than casting stones.
I used to believe that Holy Water was a near-magical and hard to get substance. I thought it felt and looked different from normal water, but I had no idea where it came from. When I finally learned that's it's just regular water that the priest has prayed over, I was kinda disappointed.
I used to think that If I did something bad then God would punish me by making my bang by leg or hurt myself in some way, or not get something that I wanted. I used to hate myself for committing 'sins'.
When I was around 3 my parents took me to a very loud classical concert and I spent the whole time in a state of terror because I had recently learned the biblical story about Joshua abd the walls falling down and I was sure the hall would collapse and squash us!
Mormons ate Miracle Whip. Catholics ate mayonnaise. This was one of many differences between the 2 religions I noticed growing up in Salt Lake City.
To prevent me from fidgeting while singing Our Father in church, my mom made me believe that I had to cup my hands well so I can receive lots of blessings and after the song, I would put my hands inside my pocket imagining it was full of money.
I thought that Critical Mass was when the Pope said, "Okay, everyone. Mass is always important. You guys have really been slacking, though. So this week, it's critical!" Since that meant that more people were going to Mass, there wouldn't be enough parking and people would have to ride their bikes.
I used to believe that monks and nuns married each other and made more Catholics.
I was told from time to time that the Bible says you shouldn't swear, which I took to mean that you shouldn't swear oaths. I thought that pinky-swearing was inherently sinful and dangerous.
I thought the flying buttresses on a cathedral actually enabled it to fly somehow!
I was raised Catholic, and when I was a child, I believed that the reason we sang a song at the end of the mass was so that the priest could escape without our seeing him leave.
I used to believe in Jesus. When I was young I saw his face in the clouds. I didn't know who he was yet but somehow I knew he was Jesus. It's years later now and it's become a memory of a memory that I no longer believe.
The Baptist church I grew up in would often refer to "the church family" -- "the flowers today were provided by the church family," "Saturday's picnic will be hosted by the church family," etc. I thought for the longest time that the church family was the nice Cambodian family we sponsored who always sat in the front pew, and I was impressed by all they were constantly doing to give back to the community. It wasn't till years later that I discovered the "church family" actually meant the congregation as a whole!
I used to believe if a person raised their hands during the worship service at church, God would reach down and bring them up to heaven.
At my Catholic school I was often told that Jesus was always present in the Church. I believed that the actual body of Jesus was kept in the altar. I thought one church kept it for a while then sent it to another church.