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I used to believe that a morman was a scary person who lived underground(actually called a moleman).
My mother told me an Exorcist was a man who "Drives away demons". Then I asked my dad what an Exorcist was. He said "A man who says prayers, uses special objects, and things like that to get demons out of peoples body". Combining these two bits of info together, I thought they would exorcise the demon, toss him in his car trunk, and drive him to heck.
I use to think church was spelt turch because of the big T on the roof.
My family's catholic, so this one day we were in mass, I was about 4 or 5 and i had to chant along, and i thought chanting was a moral obligation no one could be excused from, so, I ended up asking my mother: "Mom, how do mute people chant?" We left church that very second because of my family's laughter...Even if I am not a cotholic now, they still remind me of mute people's chanting....
I used to beleive that a catacism(spelling?) was an extremely painful Christian version of a bris.
I once misunderstood a Bible verse and i thought that if I stole something or murdered someone Jesus would not forgive me and I would go to hell. So when i stole a 25cent toy from a trirft store I felt REALLY guilty and worried. Little did I know then that Jesus forgive ANYTHING.
My dad was a preacher in the United Baptist church (the ones who breathe loudly between every few words, sounding something like "uhmm-uhh"). As a child, I thought those sounds were hiccups, and I always wondered why preaching made Dad do that...not to mention why he could make them stop so quickly after church had ended. Once when I got the hiccups I decided that I was going to be a preacher when I grew up, so that I could make them stop whenever I wanted.
In church we'd say the Nicene Creed, and whenever we'd say 'On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures' I thought the words were 'in the filming of the scriptures.' I imagined the disciples watching a movie - a film - of Jesus coming back to life, with one of them in the back of the room running the projector.
I used to believe that the donation money went to the pastor and he would put it in a little red envelope and then secretly he would give it to a dove and then God would get it.
My dad is a rabbi, so I was so used to seeing the Star of David, and I figured that this is what all stars looked like. So once I drew a sky full of six-pointed stars, and my dad absolutely adored it... they were just supposed to be stars, but I couldn't tell him for years because he'd looked so proud of my religious statement. ^^
When I was little church confused me. Once when I was about 3 my father carried me up to communion with him. I thought the host was a necco wafer and screamed "I want a necco wafer!" at the top of my lungs and tried to grab one out of the chalice.
I also thought that at the beginning of the Mass the priest came in and as an act of, I don't know, self mutilation or torture, he would bash his head against the altar. This was because we usually got to church late and had to sit in the back and I couldn't see clearly. Finally I asked my mother "Why does the priest have to bang his head on the table when he comes in?"
Finally I thought God's name was Harold "Our father who art in heaven, HAROLD be thy name.."
I'm jewish and when i was younger my dad tried to convince me doing the bar mitzvah telling that only oblied kids would not do it. For some time i pictured evil priests attacking little childs and taking to churches until my father said it was not like that and asked sorry for confusing my little mind.
i thought that at church when people said "peace be with you" they were saying "cheese be with you," and i thought "hosanna on high" was "lasagna on high."
Growing up Catholic, all of the churches had confessional boxes along the walls.
I used to think that the priests changed in them before Mass; if the light was on, that meant "Do Not Enter, Priest is Changing"
I grew up in a religious family, with a somewhat narrow view of the world. Everyone was either a Protestant or a Catholic (those were the only options). Unfortunately, in elementary school I confused the word "Protestant" with "Prostitute" and therefore believed that if you weren't a Catholic, you were, by default, a Prostitute. I had no idea what a prostitute was, but quickly learned when I proclaimed to a group of friends that my family was prostitutes. To this day I am hoping everyone has forgotten what I said.
When I was about 5 we were taken to church for the first time, in Russian the word church sounds pretty similar to circus, so, I was convinced (and convinced my younger brother), that we were in a circus. When a dead person was brought in, I thought (and, again, explained to my brother) that it was a wounded person from war (what war, I wonder?), finally, when we were given the crosses and told to never show them to anybody (dad was in the Army, and those were times of the Soviet Union, being religious and, worse, going to church might cause serious trouble for him), we actually thought those were tiny swards, and we fought with them in the street, and told our friends that we were given the little swards in the circus...
I believed going in front the church meant I was going to be married. Thus, when my mom brought our whole family up to light the advent wreath, I screamed, "I DONT WANT TO GET MARRIED" and ran off.
I used to believe that like some humans, animals went to church too. and i believed that chickens went to church to worship FogHorn LegHorn.
I used to believe in church that when the pastor prayed and everyone would close their eyes Jesus would appear. Of course I would try and peek really fast in hopes of catching him on stage or something. I still haven't seen him. I guess everyone just won't close their eyes! ;-)
I used to go to a catholic church when I was younger, and when they would pass out the baskets to take up the money, when they where done, they would go down the center isle that was closed from people going inside.
When the doors closed I thought inside was a giant machine with all these mechanical objects that buzzed, blinked and whirred , that would teleport all the money to heaven for god. The way the money got to his is by a giant light that carried the money all the way up.