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I used to go to a catholic church when I was younger, and when they would pass out the baskets to take up the money, when they where done, they would go down the center isle that was closed from people going inside.
When the doors closed I thought inside was a giant machine with all these mechanical objects that buzzed, blinked and whirred , that would teleport all the money to heaven for god. The way the money got to his is by a giant light that carried the money all the way up.
Up untill I was 14 I thought a Pedestrian was a religion I wondered why people hated Pedestrians so much that they would run them over all the time.
I used to think god is a mosque. my friends always told me god is the biggest and mosques were the biggest buildings at my little town.
I went to a Catholic school and when the teachers talked about communion they told us it was "the body and blood of Jesus Christ"...I pictured Jesus in heaven (heaven located on the clouds of course) with a cheese grater (the kind that gives u slices of cheese) carving off peices of his skin for us to eat. For the wine i pictured him cutting his arm and bleeding into a cup.... I thought this was true for years...
When I was little, my best friend Lizzy had a teenage sister and (sister and her friends) would always say "dude", it being the late 90s and all. But I thought they were saying "Jew!" so one day I met a Jewish girl in the neighborhood. Every time I saw her I would say "Jew!" and after a while she would say, "Christian!" So most of our conversations started like this:
Meg: I got the new Barbie.
As a child, one church I was sometimes taken to was of the denomination called Disciples Of Christ. I learned much later that that denomination is sometimes called "Campbellites" (with varied connotations) after it's founder, Thomas Campbell. My father called it that sometimes, but I thought then he was saying "Camelites". Then one time I went to a Greek festival at a Greek Orthodox Church. Some of us toured the sanctuary, where there were murals, showing, among other things, the three Wise Men riding horses, not camels, as I was more familiar with. The guide told us that that was more historically accurate, that their likely means of transportation at that time would have been horses, not camels. I thought then and there that I'd learned why my more familiar church was sometimes called "Camelite" -- because of a belief not shared with certain other churches, including the Greek Orthodox, that the Wise Men rode camels.
i used to believe that the lines said by the priest will turn one to a priest. so i cried every time i saw my dad mumbled the priest's lines during mass because i thought that will turn him into a priest and then he'll leave us forever.
As a protestant growing up in a catholic school, I was not used to certain catholic customs, such a recieving first communion around the age of about 8 or 9, (second grade). While not participating, I was required to attend my classmate's communion. When I saw them walk down to the front in white dresses and little suits, I thought the school was forcing my classmates to marry each other! I had belived this until I asked my teacher why they did this. She set me straight.
When I was a teenager I only wanted to marry someone Catholic, because I wanted 6 kids. I thought Catholics liked kids more because they had so many. It wasn't until YEARS later that I understood they don't have that many kids on purpose!
Well, I'm Catholic, and I went to a private school. On Ash Wednesday, when the priest rubs some ashes on your forehead at church at the beginning of Lent, I used to think the ashes were like still on fire and burning, and that it would burn into your forehead and skull permanently and hurt. I think I was around 5 or 6, and I remember running out of the church when it was my turn to be next in line.
One a side note I also thought most people in the world were one religion.
I grew up in a pretty strict Lutheran church, and I sincerely believed that if I took communion when I was in any way spiritually unprepared, that I would be immediately shot straight through the floor down into hell to burn for all eternity. Right there, on the spot. No second chances. Only a pile of clothes and shoes would remain.
The fact that I had never observed this phenomenon didn't diminish my conviction that it was guaranteed to happen to me.
I never signed up for confirmation/first communion because I figured I wasn't stupid enough to play Russian Roulette with my immortal soul.
I still hold my breath at other people's kids' First Communions.
When I was a teenager, I asked my friend what religion she was (she had recently moved from Pakistan to Canada). She told me "Ismaili", but, not having heard of that religion before, I heard "Smiley". I rsponded, "That's so cute!" In retrospect, that came off condescending and horrible, and I'm terribly embarrassed. I sincerely hope she doesn't remember.
When I was five or six and going to Catholic school, I believed that Communion was like the story of the fishes and the loaves. The priest would reach into a small box behind the alter and, miraculously, there would be enough Communion wafers for everyone on a tray.
I used to go to CCD (Sunday School). We would sit in the church area at the beginning of it with the teachers and the priest. My friends and I would sit in the front row because we liked not having to look over people's heads, also because we felt special. (But that's not the point.) Well, the priest would stand up front and usually talk to everyone. One day I raised my hand and asked him "Where is the real Jesus?" He responded, "What?" I then said "Well, in our church, we have a fake Jesus. Where is the REAL Jesus hanging up?" He still didn't understand, got angry and ignored me.
As you can see, I was refering to in the front of churches there are the big crosses with Jesus on it (Where the priest talks and stuff). I wanted to know in what church was the real Jesus hanging up in. I had a few more thoughts about this concept. One of them being it would smell bad in that church because he would be really old and have not taken a shower in a while (not to mention, he'd be dead).
Kids are funny.
When I was a kid, I was watching an episode of Starsky and Hutch and there was a prostitute in it. I wasn't exactly sure what a prostitute was but I thought it was a something to do with religion, maybe the opposite of a Catholic? I asked my Gran "What's a prostitute" and her jaw dropped open with shock before she eventully said "A prostitute is a very naughty girl". I couldn't understand it - surely people who went to church a lot weren't naughty?
I used to think that 1000 (or so) years into the future, people would be studying about the kids in my bible class in their bible classes.
I think I was about eight when I was first introduced to the creation/evolution debate, and I remember thinking it was -obvious- that the right answer was a cross between the two: that God set off the big bang and oversaw the process of evolution like a quality-assurance person in a factory that made planets. Sort of a biblical Slarty Bartfast ("Hitchiker's Guide To the Galaxy").
Being a non-Catholic, I used to believe that the word virgin was another word for Catholic: My third grade friends, however, had recently learned what virgin really meant and were afirming that they were indeed still virgins. I'll never forget their faces when I declared, "I'm not a virgin."
My mom always told me that everyone was Catholic; the big Protestant church next to ours was where the wealthy Catholics worshipped, etc. I overheard her tell my dad one day that a neighbor was dating a Jew. I was estatic! I thought this girl had discovered this lone iconoclast in some foreign land (most likely a shephard) who was the Bartleby of organized religion. I lingered around the girl's house for weeks, waiting for the guy in a robe and sandals to show up, but the only boy that came to see her was this regular hippy kid. I resented him, because I thought he was trying to get between her and the Jewish guy I longed to meet.
I was in 6th grade we were discussing religions and my friend was talking about how her mom was wiccan. I didn't understan that she was a witch, I thougt that meant that she worshipped candle wics.