religion: church

When I was not yet tall enough to see over the people in front of me at church, I used to believe that it was God actually giving mass into a loudspeaker. When I eventually grew taller, I thought our preist was God's substitue, because he had to be at other churches on Sunday.

When I first started going to church with my mother, I was too short to see over the seats in front of me to the altar. When the mass started, I couldn't tell where the voice was coming from! I honestly thought it was the voice of God speaking to us from the loudspeakers on the walls. I thought it was funny that God sounded a lot like Father Joyce....

when i was a kid and we went to church, the priest would always tell us to offer each other a sign of peace. (shake hands and say "peace"). but i always used to say, "Peas!" instead of "Peace." OOps

The deadline for signing up to be an altar boy was fast approaching, and I knew my family wanted me to join. My mom found me depressed and crying the night before the deadline. She pressed me for details, and I admitted that I just wasn't sure I wanted to sign my life over to the priesthood yet. Where in the world I got the idea that becoming an altar boy meant I was a priest for life, I have no idea, but mom's reassurances never provided more comfort than on that night.

I went to a church and I lived in a city called Holly and when i looked at the bibles in the church they would say Holy bible I thought they were talking about a "Holly Bible" and that they had a Bible for Holly.

In my home town there is a church called Our Lady Of Assumption Catholic Church. As a child I clearly remember struggling to try to figure out the meaning of that name. Back then I was in an early stage of grappling with learning the English language, in which big words differing only by a prefix all ran together. Then, if I could speak of someone living in a "compartment house", of shopping at an "appartment store", or of items kept in one's car's "glove department", I could have counted myself lucky to come that close to getting it right, and to be basically understood, albeit with some chuckles. As for "assumption", that pretty much ran together with "consumption" for me, and the main meaning I'd heard of for "consumption" back then was tuberculosis. So I got the idea that that church was named for some unfortunate woman with tuberculosis. To this very day, thinking of that church reminds me of that poor tuberculosis victim and I have to catch myself and correct my perception. I guess I'm lucky that my first encounter with the word "comsumption" (while it would still run together with "assumption") was not in regard to consumption of alcoholic beverages. If it had been that, I might be fighting off to this day a perception that that church's namesake were a woman anywhere from a bit tipsy to out and out drunk!

At my childhood church, after a passage from the new testament had been read, the congregation would simulateously respond to "This is the word of the Lord" with "Thanks be to God". I though for years that they had said "Thanks Peter God"!

I was the only non catholic student at my catholic primary school and believed that since I was not catholic if I was to touch holy water to my forhead my finger would burn right through my skin into my brain.

my dad told me that if a Jehovis witness ever came to your door you had to run away because you had done something bad and they were the witnesses and they had come to take you away

When I was younger, we sang 'Hosanah" in church every Sunday. One Sunday I leaned over to my mom and said,"There's one thing in common about Gsarfield and Jesus. They both like Lasagna." I thought they were saying 'lasagna' but I soon found out that we were singing 'hosanah'! She laughed so hard I thought she would pee.

when the Priest in my church used to say something about praying "as our lord tortoise"... i thought that God had the ability to change into a tortoise or something

When i was younger i went 2 church with my friend 1 sunday, l8r when i was telling my catholic neighbour about the service, after i'd finished explaining it to her i obviously hadn't mentioned some catholic ritual she was used to in her church she then informed me that this was not proper church becos they hadn't gone thru the same service she was used to, me being from completely non-religious family aged 6 had no idea that there was a difference between protestant and catholic (as far as i was concerned every1 in the world was christian!!!)i assumed she meant that the church i'd been to was all fake and that the people weren't really religious and were just making it all up like a huge game of make-believe, for the life of me i could not understant why they'd gone to all that bother, wasn't until i was MUCH older i worked out what the difference was!!!

I currently live around the corner from a church with a very large cross in the front of it. When I was much younger, my brother, Travis, thought that it was a shrine welcoming him home from wherever he was, so until he was about four years old, the only way he knew how to get to our house was "Turn right at the house with the big T

I once asked my older sister what a nun was (we're not Catholic), and she told me that it was a half man half woman. Needless to say, watching the movie "Sister Act" with Whoopi Goldberg was quite traumatic for me.

At my church, about halfway through the mass, everyone will shake hands and say "peace be with you." If you say it real fast, it comes out garbled. For some reason, for years I had this bizarre thought that people were asking what the other person had for breakfast, and the other person almost always responded with Rice Krispies. It was beyond me what cereal had to do with God, but my family still teases me about that to this day.

When I was younger I used to go to mass that was said in irish. "In the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit" was "In ainm an Athar agus an Mac agus an Spioraid Naomh" 'Mac' was pronouned like 'Vic' and 'Naomh' is pronounced 'neeve'. My best friend was called Niamh and so when we said this, I thought I was saying a prayer to 2 people called Vick and Niamh. Surprisingly, I am now fluent in irish.