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I used to believe that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lived under the altar in our school chapel.
I met a male Protestant for the first time and I found it odd - I didn't think there were any male Protestants. As a child I had always thought that Protestants were the people who roam the sidewalks at night asking sex for money.
It was only after that I found out those were actually "prostitutes".
Our family has never been religious, so as a child I was ignorant of religion. In fact, I used to believe that 'pedestrian' was a type of religion. I remember riding in the car with my mother, seeing a 'pedestrian crossing' and getting annoyed that only 'pedestrians' had a special crossing.
When i was little our piano recitals were in a church. I saw the hymn books page numbers on the bulliten thingy... i thought that every time you went you got a number and the people with those numbers would get sacrificed on the cross, like jesus.
When I was first told by my Sunday school teacher that God lived up in the sky, I thought that the stars were his many eyes, and they were watching us to see if we did bad things. Then I realised I could do bad things during the daytime, because God wasn't looking!
I remember when I was about 9 or 10 I was over my friends house for the weekend. Well, we were enjoying a picnic lunch in her front lawn, when we overheard her mom on the phone "Get your bibles! Their gonna get us!" We thought sh was having some sort of vision or seizure or something, so we ran inside and asked what she was talking about. She told us that the Mormons were going around the neighborhood and jokingly said that if we didn't convert to their religion, they would send us to hell. Needless to say, we were creeped out for the rest of the day, looking over our shoulders for what we called the Hellraisers. We saw two men in suits walking down the opposite side of the road, and knew it was them. We took refuge in the van, and watched the men knock the neighbors' door. All we were thinking was "Don't open the door Brian, please don't open the door." Well, Brian didn't answer the door, much to our relief, and we were inside the house watching TV when the doorbell rang. We begged my friend's mom not to open the door, and she gave us the strangest look. We listened to her conversation with the men, and they turned out to be pretty mice guys. She invited them in, and we all chatted for a bit. They informed us that because of their faith, they had to do this every week for a year, and were only allowed 2 phone calls home each, and one letter a month. We felt pretty sorry for them when they left, and couldn't wait until the next time they would visit. Of course, out of politeness, we never called them Hellraisers to their faces, but still talk about it at parties.
Growing up in a very religious home, once in a while, we'd have "devotions". I always liked them because we had to listen to the other person so that way no one would interrupt me. (I liked to talk, still do!) So every night after dinner, which was usually the time we would have them, i'd ask my mom, "Mommy, when are we going to have divorcen?"
When i was little and at church the precher would mention your soul...i always saw it as a golden block that was in the middle of your chest and it shone brighter if you did something good and got duller when you did something bad...i also thought that bad doctors who worked for the Devil could steal it if you had surgery....the last part i have no idea how that came about....
When I was about 3 years old, I went to church with my mom and dad. They told me all about church and told me that it was God's house (that was so I would behave, I had to behave at other people's houses). Well, when I got there and church started, I was looking all around the pews and picking up the kneelers and hymnals. My parents asked me what I was doing and I said "I'm looking for God... this is his house and he isn't even here... that is very rude, mommy." Later on I learned the truth.
When I was a kid I had a friend who was episcopalean (spelling?) I always thought he was saying "Popsicle Aien." For that reason, I thought he was cool, and we became friends. There was something about building tree houses with an alien that fascinated me!
I used to belive that when they said "give your money back to God"
Ithought it ment that after the offering was taken someone would go outside and literally GIVE it back to God.
When I was younger, I could never say the word 'Protestant' (don't know why) so one day after service, my mom took me to meet the pastor. He talked with my mom then leaned down and asked me: 'Nice to see such a young Christian!' of course, me being such a big shot, didn't want to be known as 'another young christian'. I was special! I puffed out my cheeks and said: 'I'm not a Christian! I'm a Prostitute!' My mom quickly said: 'She means Protestant'. To this day, the pastor teases me about it.
When my cousin was about 5 years old she was in church and stayed for the whole service instead of going to childern's class. when communion time came she stood up and shouted "Hey! It's snack time!"
Every Sunday my family went to a Catholic church that was nearby where we lived. During the communion part, I always wondered why the priest was handing out "potato chips" to everyone and I was always mad because I wasn't allowed to eat those "potato chips" just yet.
When my mom was younger, her family attended this really traditional Roman Catholic Church where the service was entirely in Latin, so you couldn't really understand what was going on. A bell was rung when they did communion, and it was a really solemn part of the mass. When her parents brought her younger sister to church for the first time, the bells were rung for communion and her little sister stood up on the pew and shouted "Wait a minute, Hoppy! I want ice cream!" (Hoppy was the driver of the town ice cream truck, and she thought that the bells she heard came from the ice cream truck)
I went to Catholic school, and when I was about 9 I committed the "original" sin of taking communion without first going to confession.......I worried myself SICK over this, thinking something really awful was gonna happen to me! It didn't, and I'm now totally non-religious! Guilt? Who needs it!
When i was like 4 i didn't understand about the Eucharist at mass and one day in The middle of Church I yelled to my mom LOOK MOM THEY ARE GIVING AWYA FREE SAMPLES! I recived many laughs and funny looks and I didn't understand why my mom woulnd't let me go up to get some!
A common expression in the church I attended when younger is it was the house of the Lord. I always wondered where he was when we were "visiting his house", and I believed he was behind this door in the front of the chapel (housing the organ machinery) and our pastor was there in front to prevent us from going up and disturbing Him.
I used to believe that when you were at church handing offerings in the little tray, the pastor would then take the money outside and throw it up in the air so God could catch it.
I used to believe that Christian Science was a church that looked like an old laboratory and that all the scientists in there looked like Jesus.