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I used to believe that God looked like an enormous version of "Woody" from the Toy Story series.
When I was about eight years old, myself, my parents and my twin brother were in the car on the way to some family outing or other. We drove past a huge mormon church and I asked my mother what it was. She told me that is was a mormon church and my idiotic, eight year old mind equated mormons with moomins. Until I was twelve I thought mormon churches were places where big, white marshmellowy creatures congregated.
I used to believe that mountains were giant camels that God put under the earth.
Being raised Christian, I was always told "Jesus is in your heart". I used to believe that he was trapped inside my heart, and was banging on the walls of it to get out, and that's why my heart would beat.
I used to believe that the money they collected in the offering plates at church were put in a special portal and sent up to God.
Up until I was 6 years old, my family lived in Easton, Pennsylvania, which is right next to a little city called Bethlehem. I went to preschool at a church, and after all of the Jesus stories I heard, not once did an adult ever make sure we understood that the Bethlehem in these stories is not the same as the one down the road. So I went for a great period of my early childhood believing that I was walking on the same ground as Jesus did 2000 years ago.
Before I was able to read well I thought pedestrian crossing signs said presbatarian crossing.
when i was little and would go to church, i would constantly ask my mom, "when is God gonna get here?" thinking that he would literally walk into church and sit down. dunno why i thought that!
I used to believe that when everyone would bless themselves in church that they all had an itch at the same time.
For 2 years we thought my now 7-year-old niece was afraid rp be baptized because she'd been told a priest would pour water on her head. Today we learned the real reason. She thought that being baptized meant you died. My father-in-law told her being baptized meant you got to go to heaven- she thought he meant immediately.
I used to believe that the songs on the radio that you heard playing in the stores were God's CD-player.
when i was 5 i used to believe that church was actually on the clouds and the clouds were all bouncy and i would tell my parent of how wen i go to church that i would do all this crazy stuff on the clouds..
When I was younger, my mother told me that church was "the house of god." For the longest time, whenever I went to church I would wonder where god was and why his house was so weird - it didnt have any bedrooms or anything.
in my childhood,i believed that when people fasted,it was forbidden for them to swallow their own saliva.
When I was young, I used to think that Presbyterians and Pedestrians were the same thing. When my mom would drive by the hospital in our town, there was a sign that said "Pedestrian crossing" and I always wondered why they got a special crossing.
We had 8 kids in our Catholic family, so sometimes I guess my mother got a little tired and lax about Lent rules. Anyhow, we ate pizza on many Fridays, the day of fasting during Lent. So my mother told us, and I grew up believing, that pepperonis were not meat, and thus they were okay to eat, even during Lenten fasting.
When I was in elementary school, I went to a Catholic school where we took "going to church" very seriously. Our church was right down the road so it made it easy for us to walk there as a class almost every week. Our teachers always told us the basics on how to conduct ourselves during a mass. I was always afraid on doing something wrong so I'd do everything that the priest would do. If he'd raise his arms, I'd raise mine. It wasnt until the end of the second grade that one of my friends standing next to me poked my arm to ask what i was doing. She explained to me that i didnt have to copy everything he does, and I remember feeling really horrible after, b/c I was worried that if the priest saw me doing that, that he might've thought i was making fun of him. In reality for as long as i had been going, I didnt know.
I was raised Catholic, and at Easter we'd always hear the stories about the women encountering Jesus after his resurrection. I somehow twisted this into thinking that Jesus came back to life EVERY Easter, and that there was some secret place grown-up women knew about where you could go to meet with him face-to-face.
when i was a kid and i was at mass, i used to believe that the smell of the incense was the smell of the grown ups around me, the smell of their freckles! i know, weird. but in my defence i was a pale kid with almost no freckles so i assumed thats what the smell was. i used to hate that smell.
I went to a preschool at a church and all of the adults kept referring to the church as being "the house of the lord". I assumed it was literally the house of god and started looking for him everywhere in the church. After many days and no sightings I deduced that the lord must be living a very reclusive life in one of the portable building behind the church. I spent most days at recess peeking into these buildings and even had other friends help me look for the lord in a trailer. I never found him :-(